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Much is made of the differences between New York and Los Angeles. Those folks arguing over which coastal metropolis trumps the other ignore the glaring similarities. Like douchebags. They're everywhere. And when they go out drinking, they like to go to douchey bars. New York has plenty, and so does Los Angeles.
Protect yourself. Avoid the 25 Douchiest Bars in L.A.
by Lizzie Donaldson
RELATED: The 25 Douchiest Bars in New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, Washington D.C., and Boston.
The Surly Goat
25. Surly Goat
Address: 7929 Santa Monica Blvd.
Website: surlygoat.com
If you're smart, under no circumstances go to the Surly Goat on a weekend because it immediately hits #peak West Hollywood dudebro. Normally, it's a pretty standard beer bar with a good selection, but come Friday and Saturday, plaid button-ups and Sperry topsiders take over to create an extremely crowded, sweaty and unpleasant time. You'll need to drink a lot to cope.
1739 Public House
24. 1739 Public House
Address: 1739 N. Vermont Ave.
Website: 1739publichouse.com
1739 Public House is the premiere bar for the bros that live east of Cahuenga. As the resident sports bar for Los Feliz, any relevant sporting event is packed wall-to-wall where you'll likely get beer spilled on you, hear a bro-chant or run into that regrettable one night stand.
Q's
23. Q's Billiard Club
Address: 11835 Wilshire Blvd.
Website: qsbilliardclub.com
If you're looking for a sausage festival, Q's is the Oktoberfest of meat-market bars. There are no women here. Striped polos with popped collars is the uniform. You have to squint to tell all of these guys apart. Q's is the stomping grounds for spoiled, rich boys who never actually play pool at this “billiard club.” They arrive in their BMWs and leave after puking on the sidewalk. It's no surprise that women avoid this place like the plague.
O'Brien's
22. O'Brien's
Address: 2941 Main St., Santa Monica
Website: obriensonmain.com
O'Brien's is living proof that if you combine an Irish pub with a beachside sports bar you will create hell on earth. Spray-tanned gentlemen sporting trucker hats and solid white belts can barely contain their drunken douchery as they grace an unwilling audience with self-indulgent and uninformed conversation. If the smell of locker room and stale beer doesn't drive you away, the bar fights that break out every two seconds surely will.
The Parlor
21. The Parlor
Address: 7250 Melrose Ave. #1
Website: theparlorca.com
When The Parlor opened, it was dubbed “trendy” by the L.A. gods, which of course, immediately ruined it. It used to be El Guapo, a well-known frat hub. While the name has changed, the bar has merely shifted into an older, bourgeois frat hub. Here are the kind of Hollywood-wannabe guys who flash their oversized watches and tribal tattoos to attract women. To make matters worse, this place is slowly turning into a Baltimore Ravens bar. Proceed at your own risk.
Baja Cantina
20. Baja Cantina
Address: 311 Washington Blvd., Marina del Rey
Website: bajacantina.com
This is Los Angeles. There's an abundance of authentic Mexican restaurants/bars here. So it's baffling that so many flock to Baja Cantina as if it were the only taco-slinging joint in town. Baja is overrun with very pretty people with very little substance. You'll find men in tight t-shirts who have trickled down from Muscle Beach alongside actresses/models/singers who forgot to pursue their career because they were wasting their time at Baja on terrible margaritas and said men in tight t-shirts.
Dillon's Irish Pub
19. Dillon's Irish Pub
Address: 6327 Hollywood Blvd.
Website: dillonsirishpub.com
The word “Irish” in this bar's name is the only Irish thing about it. Dillon's is a crowded sports bar with a corporate feel. The all-female staff dresses in slutty Catholic schoolgirl outfits, making it a great place for douchebags of all ages to come get their creep on. Desperate bachelors sporting Ed Hardy's fall line-up drunkenly hit on the scantily-clad bartenders. The “bros of yore,” now become family men, are on hand to ogle and start sentences with, “If I weren't married…” as if their wedding band was the only thing holding them back from taking a server home. Dillon's is not an Irish pub. It's a poor man's Hooters. Be sure to shower after you leave.
Circle Bar
18. Circle Bar
Address: 2926 Main St., Santa Monica
Website: circle-bar.com
Apparently the creators of Circle Bar were so excited to have a, well, circular bar, that they forgot to leave room for anything else. It's impossible to drink here. You have to stand in line to get in the bar, stand in line to be served at the bar, and just when you're finally holding the precious alcohol, someone knocks it out with a “sorry, brah” because it's just too damned packed. This is probably why the tiny space they've left for a dance floor winds up looking like an all-out orgy. Unless being groped and shoved all night long is your thing, look elsewhere for libation.
The Rooftop Bar at The Standard
17. The Rooftop Bar at The Standard
Address: 550 South Flower St.
Website: standardhotels.com
Admittedly, The Rooftop Bar at The Standard has one of the most incredible views you can find in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, someone went and told every pretentious Hollywood asshole in town. There are way too many Affliction tees and silicone-injected body parts going around to be worth the line, the $20 cover, and the $15 well drinks. This crowd can talk all they want about breaking into “the biz” or scoring a record deal, but nobody looks cool getting in or out of the bar's waterbed mattress pod chairs.
Skybar at The Mondrian
16. SkyBar at The Mondrian
Address: 8440 Sunset Blvd.
Website: mondrianhotel.com
When SkyBar opened, it was the place to go for anyone in the entertainment business. Although its time in the spotlight has passed, the sleaze lingers. You can't leave for the bathroom without some skeevy dude giving you his faux-resume or telling you he owns an island. The ladies here are either waiting to be “discovered” or looking for a sugar daddy. There's more L.A. cliché here than even a season of Entourage could contain.
Station at The W Hotel Hollywood
15. Station at The W Hollywood
Address: 6250 Hollywood Blvd.
Website: starwoodhotels.com
Despite its attempts at being the next best thing in Hollywood nightlife, Station only serves as a gathering place for those who couldn't get into neighboring clubs like Lure or Avalon. This is the type of bar that encourages sunglasses indoors, gold chains, and too much hair product. As is expected with hotel bars, the drinks are expensive and the service is awful. The W may try to bring you the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, but the Station, like its clientele, tries too hard.
The Hudson
14. The Hudson
Address: 1114 North Crescent Heights Blvd., West Hollywood
Website: thehudsonla.com
The Hudson is that strange type of bar that is totally fine until say, 9 p.m., and then all of the pastel button-down shirts roll in. But that's not the only strange thing. Even weirder is the lack of women at this bar, which is situated in L.A.'s gay Mecca. So, why all the straight frat bros? They're loud. And they're high-fiving like roofies just became legal. Best to pack it up by the time the clock strikes 9.
Bar Lubitsch
13. Bar Lubitsch
Address: 7702 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood
Website: committedinc.com
Bar Lubitsch is desperate to come off as hip and trendy. It worked when it first opened, but now the crowd has gone downhill. Here, you're likely to find an all-white clientele gladly paying for $20 shots and sweating on each other because Bar Lubitsch doesn't believe in A/C. Drinks constantly tumble from damp hands, resulting in broken glass all over the floor. And then it's so dark and dingy inside, it's impossible to notice that you're stepping on shards of glass, or that this place is full of young Hollywood wannabes. When the lights come on at closing time, you want to scream. You'll be walking home alone to sleep off the shame.
Brennan's Pub
12. Brennan's Pub
Address: 4089 Lincoln Blvd., Marina del Rey
Website: brennanspub-la.com
Brennan's is known for its Thursday night Turtle Races. These are, in fact, not so much turtle races as a scheme to get young girls to bend over in short skirts. The only people that can place the turtles at the starting gate are girls. And they can't bend their knees or go too quickly otherwise they'll be forced to do it again and again until they've been humiliated to every drunk dude's satisfaction. You'll leave here feeling so dirty you were even in the same room with these douchebags that the IHOP across the street starts looking like the Four Seasons.
O'Hara's
11. O'Hara's
Address: 1000 Gayley Ave.
Website: n/a
O'Hara's is truly the definition of a college bar. At O'Hara's the music is unbearably loud and the scene is obnoxiously young. You'd have to be completely wasted to have fun here, which is probably why the crowd always is. The jocks and sorority chicks all but copulate in front of you. If you're not getting shoved one way by chest-bumping bros, you're getting shoved the other because a girl's BFF showed up and OMG it's her birthday. Feel free to exit quickly after you've regained your balance.
Townhouse
10. Townhouse
Address: 52 Windward Ave., Venice
Website: townhousevenice.com
Townhouse's long, storied history of being a local gem in Venice Beach came to a crashing halt when the new owners took over. They've tripled the prices of drinks and placed a bouncer outside the door, which sent off a beacon for the West Side's worst in show. Now the beloved local watering hole feels more like a brothel because the only people coming here are those who were rejected at better clubs and are now desperate to get laid. It's a sad, creepy mess at last call. You will be grinded on whether you're dancing or not. It's just the risk you take at Townhouse.
The Den on Sunset
9. The Den on Sunset
Address: 8226 W. Sunset Blvd.
Website: thedenonsunset.com
The Den on Sunset located across the street from Hollywood's famed Chateau Marmont draws the douchey dregs who can't get into Marmont. Filled to the brim with bros and the ladies who love them, you'll also tend to find skeevy D-list celebrities creeping for their next conquest.
Barney's Beanery
8. Barney's Beanery
Address: 8447 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood
Website: barneysbeanery.com
It's too bad that Barney's ended up on this list. The place used to be a cool dive bar with a unique vibe and décor. Unfortunately, it's a chain now. And with the expansion came the droves of sports fans turning this place into what it was never meant to be: a bro bar. Flat screen TVs now hang in the places where classic Hollywood and sports memorabilia used to. What once served the likes of beatniks, locals, and Jim Morrison now serves douchebags, douchebags, and douchebags.
Busby's
7. Busby's
Address: 3110 Santa Monica Blvd., Santa Monica
Website: busbysla.com
Busby's is essentially a Chuck E. Cheese for drunk 22-year-olds. It comes complete with ping-pong tables, foosball, and a mini-arcade. With the right clientele, this could be fun. Unfortunately entire frat houses press through the door, so it's not. Busby's can only blame itself, though. They've gone and offered free round-trip limo services to the local college campus. They're funneling in these collar-popped asshats in droves! No seasoned Angeleño would put up with that nonsense. Neither should you.
Big Wangs
6. Big Wangs
Address: 1562 North Cahuenga Blvd.
Website: bigwangs.com
Big Wangs reminds you of those terrible, regret-filled college nights where you wake up wishing you would have just stayed home. Stumbling females who have just downed the famous “bucket” of booze mingle with meatheads chugging beer towers. Beer pong, wing eating contests, and pool tables are the provided entertainment; they all make you feel like a new pledge at this everlasting frat party. Ed Hardy clothing is regulation. This place gives you the feeling that if you aren't on your game, some dude using a toothpick as an accessory will spike your drink, or worse, talk to you.
The Brig
5. The Brig
Address: 1515 Abbot Kinney Blvd. # 100, Venice
Website: thebrig.com
Oh, The Brig… Who put you in Venice? You'd fit in better on Hollywood Blvd. And like most bars on Hollywood Blvd., there's a line to get in. Why people are lining up to get inside a bar with a one-stall unisex bathroom, overpriced drinks, and terrible service remains a mystery. The Brig's severely overcrowded and sticky with last night's cocktails and vomit. There's a pool table offered up as relief from the “dance floor”…but you can't really play pool if there's no room to move your arms. When you've started playing a guessing game of which gender is wearing more hair product, it's time to find a better bar.
The Happy Ending
4. The Happy Ending
Address: 7038 Sunset Blvd.
Website: thehappyendingbar.com
If you come to this bar looking for a happy ending, you're better off rubbing one out at home. The only fist pumping that goes on here is that which accompanies the blaring, overdone '80s music this bar loves so much. Expect to stand shoulder to shoulder with hormone-raging drunks all night. A trip to the bathroom can take 30 minutes due to the churning sea of douchebaggery. If the beer pong table, bad karaoke, and flip cup tournaments weren't enough to draw the college crowd, the Wheel of Shots certainly is. And what self-respecting bar actually names a section of their menu “Da Bomb”? Douchebag bars, that's what.
Baja Sharkeez
3. Baja Sharkeez
Address: 52 Pier Ave., Hermosa Beach
Website: sharkeez.net
Los Angeles locals have been fleeing Sharkeez over the last few years. This bar has become a haven for naïve L.A. transplants and the South Bay's broiest bros. It's customary at Sharkeez to find spikey haired, wannabe “surfers” wearing board shorts and flip-flops on a Saturday night. They've come from various South Bay cities to stalk their prey: the jello-shot guzzling gals that arrive in flocks. Frat guys and newly-legal girls love this place for the cheap booze and party-type atmosphere. Everyone else loves this place for rounding up the worst people on Hermosa Pier and keeping them there for the night.
Cabo Cantina
2. Cabo Cantina
Address: 11829 Wilshire Blvd.
Website: thecabocantina.com
Enter any of Cabo Cantina's locations on a busy night and you'll find the same things are happening inside every one: someone is crying, someone is getting thrown out, someone is vomiting in the bathroom, and someone is starting a fight. We don't know what's in the water at Cabo (although it's common knowledge that they fill their "top shelf" liquor bottles with cheap booze) but it's turning everyone—men and women—into total douchebags. What else can you expect from a place that hangs inflatable beer bottles and piñatas from the ceiling to promote a “2-4-1” happy hour?
Saddle Ranch
1. Saddle Ranch
Address: 8371 Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood
Website: srrestaurants.com
Step aside, every other bar on this list, we've come to the very definition of douchey: Saddle Ranch. This is the bar of the douchebag, by the douchebag, for the douchebag. It's the only bar on this list whose God-awfulness can be heard before it's seen, thanks to the mechanical bull. Men with waxed eyebrows gather to cheer on drunk chicks embarrassing their generation one ride at a time. With the watered-down cocktails, overflowing toilets, and abundance of bedazzled clothing, you have to constantly remind yourself that you're a patron at a bar and not an extra on Jersey Shore. Sadly, the icing on this douchebag cake is Saddle Ranch actually has its own VH1 reality show. Golf claps.