Candice Jalili

“You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t, so you might as well just do whatever you want.”

Pro tip: Bookmark these for Valentine's Day. 😉

PSA: There's more to it than just not wanting sex.

Every night is date night in the city that never sleeps, baby.

No need to overthink this one—we’ve got plenty of ideas for ya.

Because getting a little loud really can make sex that much hotter.

I will always love…these songs.

One minute he’s blowing up your phone, the next he’s MIA. WTF happened?

Nope, it’s not the same as bisexual.

And yes, it’s different than “asexual.”

The “human void” does not deserve your “haaaaayyy” this year.

Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about what it means to be allosexual.

Shout-out to all my ladies who are with dudes on the, ahem, bigger side.

Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about what it means to be genderfluid.

“The circumstance created by COVID-19 is not an adequate reason to stop taking your birth control.”

What’re we supposed to do now that we can’t sit on the couch together and talk sh*t about Joe Exotic?

Might we suggest not texting them after you’ve downed a bottle of red?

Starting off with: Will you have to un-block them on your phone first?

Yup, that ink on his bicep has more intel than his Venmo could ever provide.

Trust: Your sex life will thank you.

First one: Do not pull a public stunt. Repeat: Do not.

FWIW: What counts as “sexless” for someone else may not mean the same to you.

"One time I saw Ashley and Cara buying a sex bench, so I bought a sex bench."

Trust me: If Bridget Jones can, you can too.

Candy cane = the guy who still lives in his parents’ basement.

TFW they take you to all the ugly sweater parties and pop-up markets and then dump you...

Just because you have a plus one doesn't mean you should use it.

Trust: You can get more creative than "red."

Yes, you still need lube, people.