EXCLUSIVE'We have three sex positions, but this is our favourite…': Comedian KATHERINE RYAN reveals EXACTLY how often she and her husband have sex - and the very surprising age she potty trains her children
The first series of At Home With Katherine Ryan gave viewers unfiltered access to the Canadian comedian’s life as she compared and contrasted alternative parenting methods with her own. A mother of three, the two youngest with her husband and childhood sweetheart Bobby Kootstra, Katherine has some unconventional ideas herself (she potty trains at eight months, for example), and as she explored the more extreme ends of parenting she shared revealing titbits about her own family life, such as whether she and Bobby should try for another child.
The show proved a big hit and now, a year on, a second series is here – and it’s far more intimate. As well as learning how Bobby handles being a stepdad to Violet, Katherine’s 14-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, the couple discuss very personal details about their sex life, including how often they do it and in which positions.
In episode one Katherine insists their sex life is pretty vanilla. ‘We don’t watch pornography, we don’t do dressing up or accents. Vanilla is all I’m really interested in,’ she says, before Bobby elaborates. ‘We have three positions, but seven times out of eight it’s missionary. We do it about five times a month.’ Katherine looks shocked – she’s clearly not as comfortable talking about their sex life as he is, but she does add, ‘I love missionary, I love just laying there.’
Today she explains, ‘Any time we talk about intimacy, fertility, our marriage or our sex life, it becomes a bit of a sensation. Maybe the British struggle to discuss those kinds of things, but if people feel they can learn something about their own lives through my discomfort, that’s great.’
Her openness has repaid Katherine in spades. Since she began in comedy in her mid-20s, moving to the UK in 2007 and rising up the ranks, she’s always spoken frankly about her life. And when she suffered two miscarriages before conceiving Fred, now three, and Fenna, two, with Bobby, she decided to talk about those too.
Whether Katherine has a fourth child is a big subject in the new series and the fear of another miscarriage looms large as she nears 42. But as she explains, sharing her trauma has not only helped her process it, it’s helped others with theirs too.
In episode one Katherine insists their sex life is pretty vanilla. ‘We don’t watch pornography, we don’t do dressing up or accents. Vanilla is all I’m really interested in,’ she says
Katherine and husband Bobby with Violet, Fenna, and Fred
‘Once you’ve had a miscarriage you never really enjoy a pregnancy after that; it becomes really anxious. Miscarriages are lonely. The beautiful resilience of women means once you’ve healed from it, you almost forget. But I like to remember the grief for a while, so when it happens to others I can better connect with them. It’s important to talk about it.’
Katherine emphasises how much she loves children, and during the series she and Bobby go for fertility tests to see if they can have more.
‘We’d love another baby; I’d have as many as I could. I know time’s against me but I don’t think I’d throw science at it, or get a surrogate. I’d leave that to those who aren’t already blessed with three children. I’m at peace about it. We’ll see what happens, but I do try to get pregnant every month.’
Katherine and Bobby talk to both an intimacy coach and a marriage coach on the show, as she’s worried about how her 56-date Battleaxe tour will affect their relationship. Not least because Bobby will be in charge of their own two kids and teenager Violet.
Not many men could handle the challenge, but Katherine says Bobby is unlike her previous partners. They dated in high school until he ‘broke her heart’, then were reunited 20 years later when Katherine returned to Canada for work. Within nine months they were in a civil partnership and Bobby had moved to London and become a stepdad… and the subject of a lot of Katherine’s gags.
‘He’s less criminally insane than the others,’ she jokes. ‘I had one serious relationship and one fling that were positive during the 20 years.’ Is one Violet’s dad? ‘No!’ she laughs. ‘I made very bad choices. I think I chose men out of fear or loneliness. I was with men who’d either get jealous about my relationship with my daughter or about my success, or try to have some type of control over me. But Bobby is very different. I found him when I was in a very calm, self-knowing place to make a positive match for myself, finally.
‘I don’t think we’d have had marriage coaching if it weren’t for the show, but loads of great lessons came out of it. We communicate better and I love him more than ever. We got the intimacy coach out of our house as fast as possible though. We learned nothing from her!’
- At Home With Katherine Ryan, Monday, 9pm, U&W and all episodes on U (UKTV).
