TOTALLY OUT-FOXED

THE first thing I learnt about parenting is that the kids ain’t going nowhere. When

Corinne was born, the responsibility smacked me upside the head, made me scared as hell. It dawned on me that this parenting thing is forever.

And it’s not like having a puppy – the consequences of messing up are way worse than some s**t on the carpet. When you take the kid to school on Monday, you actually have to get up and take them again on Tuesday. Damn, they got to go every day?

The things you took for granted when you were a kid, like breakfast, lunch and dinner – that’s now on you. No one is coming to make food for them.

But lemme slow down and introduce myself. Hello, my name is Jamie. You might know me from film, television, stand-up comedy, the music world but there are two young girls in my life who don’t give a s**t about any of that and only know me as Dad.

Corinne is now 27, Anelise is 13. They have different mothers (don’t judge me and I won’t judge you).

Everything I learnt about parenting came from Estelle and Mark Talley, the beautiful couple who adopted me at seven months. I consider them my grandparents because (and try to keep up because this story is messy) 13 years before they adopted me they’d adopted my mother.

Mark was an uncle to my mother, Louise. From what I was told, my mother’s mother, my biological grandmother, was stressed trying to raise my mom’s other siblings. Believe me, I know how hard it is raising kids when