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    Wild Mush Rooms
    Wild Mush Rooms
    Wild Mush Rooms
    Ebook73 pages50 minutes

    Wild Mush Rooms

    By Alan Beech

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    About this ebook

    Short stories hide among saucy and serious poems, song parodies and liberal skeptic opinions on subjects from global warming to fem lib, drugs, condoms, how Castro helps Miami and much more. Like wild mushrooms, most items in this book are yummy but some may be tasteless or toxic.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAlan Beech
    Release dateSep 6, 2012
    ISBN9781624072741
    Wild Mush Rooms
    Author

    Alan Beech

    About the Author Alan Beech was raised in England and orphaned at 16 during WW II. After doing draft duty in the British army he read chemistry at London University. In the United States he studied pharmacology at U of MD School of Medicine and earned a Ph.D. He worked in pharmaceutical laboratories and as a pharmacology professor. He had as many wives as Henry VIII and is an amateur hippie and actor.

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      Book preview

      Wild Mush Rooms - Alan Beech

      Wild Mush Rooms

      By Alan Beech

      Smashwords Edition

      Copyright 2012 Alan Beech

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment. It may not be re-sold or given away. If you want to share it with someone else, please buy him or her a separate copy. If you are reading a copy of Wild Mush Rooms that was not bought by you or for your use, please return to Smashwords.com and buy your own copy. Thank you for respecting the work of this author.

      The mushrooms on the cover were carefully picked by the author from hand-colored prints in British Fungi 3rd edition, by M. C. Cooke (Hardwicke & Bogue, London) 1876. The first edition (publ. 1862) probably influenced Lewis Carroll. He published Alice in Wonderland three years later. In Wonderland, Alice nibbled a magic mushroom. First she grew very tall, then very tiny.

      Table_of_Contents

      Alpha and Omega

      A Girl’s Best Friends

      Another Beer

      As Ye Sow, So Shall Ye Reap

      A Gentle Senior Lady

      Asbestos

      Back to Nature

      Black Strength

      Cheer That Volunteer

      Civilization

      Christmas Spirit

      Condoms

      Chemicals, Drugs and Side Effects

      CougarSong

      Down By the Old Mill Stream

      Earth is Burning

      Evolution and Darwin

      Fat Farm America

      Fred

      Friday in the Park with Sue

      God Backs Winners

      He wasFat,Uncouth and Ugly

      Henry VIII, Great Tudor King

      Hooray for May

      Horatius

      Horace

      I Come from Folks

      I’m Not a Flag Waver

      If You Were the Only Girl in the World

      Importance of Fem Lib

      Invading Iraq

      Khayyam-ity

      Killing Caterpillars

      Life and Scrabble

      Long Lasting Love

      Love My Guitar

      Making New Drugs

      My Gal Done Left Me Dry

      My Roving Guitar

      Obit

      Playing with Chemicals

      Pompous Pater

      Relations are Coming

      Round the Campfire

      Scientific Genesis

      Shakes Peer

      Six Blind Men Again

      SouthFlorida 2050 Lament

      Suicide Aside

      Stormy Love

      The Gay Engineer

      The Devil's Advocate

      Village Cricket

      Wee Free Plea

      What to Believe of Adam and Eve

      When We Change To Summer Time

      Winter supplies

      U R My Moonshine

      Alpha and Omega

      Old Alpha is an aardvark, who lives on lots of ants

      Young zebra foal Omega, can eat a lot of plants

      Alpha sleeps the whole day and hunts when there’s no light

      Omega plays the day away and likes to sleep at night

      Alpha starts to hunt when Omega is homebound

      Looking for some anthills or for a termite mound

      He opens them and inserts his elephantine nose

      His proboscis sucks insects like a vacuum hose.

      When soldier ants are marching most animals retreat

      Alpha is the only one who thinks they’re good to eat

      When he’s replete with lots of them, a yummy ant buffet

      Alpha digs a hole to sleep through the coming day

      Zebras graze in herds but Omega loved to run

      He’d gallop the Savannah plain, exploring was such fun

      Each day he ventured farther, the miles just flew away

      Until one day he realized that he had lost his way

      Lions, leopards and hyenas roam at night out back

      They'd all enjoy some tender zebra for a juicy snack

      Alpha coming from his burrow, heard a frightened cry

      He poked his head outside and saw Omega standing by.

      Hey, you zeb, come over here, said Alpha in his hole,

      "Them carnivores will eat you up, they all love zebra foal.

      They’ll stay till you are eaten, they’ll overeat and laze

      And I’ll be stuck in this here hole without an ant for days".

      "I’ll dig my burrow deeper so you can come and hide

      We can keep each other warm and shelter side by side".

      Alpha set to digging and kept his aardvark word,

      He kept Omega safe till he was rescued by the herd.

      Note to Park Rangers:

      When counting herds of zebra, don’t undercount the foals

      As baby zebras sometimes, are found in aardvark holes

      The only significance of Alpha and Omega is that zebras and aardvarks co-exist on the Savannah plains of Africa. Their names start with the first and last letters of our alphabet. Alpha and omega are the

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