Choosing The Simply Luxurious Life: A Modern Woman's Guide

Choosing the Simply Luxurious Life

A MODERN WOMAN’S GUIDE

Shannon Ables

Copyright © 2015 by Shannon Ables.

Smashwords Edition

Simply Luxurious Publishing

Oregon

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed Attention: Permissions Coordinator, at the address below.

Shannon Ables/Simply Luxurious Publishing

www.thesimplyluxuriouslife.com

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Quantity sales. Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the Special Sales Department at the address above.

Choosing the Simply Luxurious Life/ Shannon Ables. —1st ed.

ISBN: 978-0692260593

More praise for Shannon’s blog The Simply Luxurious Life

Shannon discusses topics that are in the forefront of my thoughts and delves into subjects where other bloggers skim the surface. TSLL has opened my eyes to many new avenues and ways of thinking.

—Carrie from Oklahoma

The most wonderful part of TSLL is that it helps me see the joy in everyday actions, items, and events.

—Beth from Michigan

I am a single mom in my mid-forties, and your articles have encouraged me to be all that I can be as a person and to embrace my womanhood. Also, despite what our culture tells us, being single can be a fulfilling life!

—Kellie from New York

I’ve been visiting your website for a year now and absolutely love it. It’s full of wonderful articles and information and has become part of my morning ritual. My day just doesn’t feel right until I've checked out your postings.

—Gillian from Ontario

I have just discovered your blog, and I am so impressed. Thank you for writing about being a strong and independent person, especially as a woman.

—Adrienne from Atlanta

I’m writing you today to say 'thank you' for all the inspiring information you put out there. It has reminded me to hold my head up high while going through several life changes at once.

—Esta from California

I thoroughly enjoy sitting down with a cup of coffee and reading your posts each week. Such a joy! I found out about your blog through a 'simply delightful friend', who owns a big smile and a cheerful laugh. She shared that your blog inspires her to enjoy each day just a little more. I agree!

—Heather from Vancouver

Contents

Introduction

One: Fall in Love with Your Life

Two: Live Simply Luxuriously

Three: Becoming Financially Savvy & Independent

Four: Building a Signature Style: Dress for the Life You Want

Five: Creating a Sanctuary, No Matter What the Size

Six: Good Health & Radiant Beauty: Look & Feel Your Best

Seven: Dating, Relationships & Moving On

Eight: Simple Choices & Pleasures That Make a Difference

Nine: Traveling the World in Style & Comfort

Ten: Indulging Your Inner Francophile

Eleven: Entertaining, Holidays & Other Celebrations

Twelve: The Most Important Lesson

Acknowledgments

About the Author

For any woman who refuses to choose between femininity and independence while following a path to true contentment.

There’s only one really good life, and that’s the life you know you want and you make it yourself.

—Diana Vreeland

Introduction

My muse for living a simply luxurious life was born before I even knew what a muse was; in fact, she came into the world before I did. Her name was Sadie.

I can’t be sure exactly when I began to adore Sadie. I doubt there ever was a moment I didn’t. I was only a very small child when I realized my only sibling was hairy, had a wet nose, and walked on four feet, while I rolled around on the floor and then finally got up on my two legs. But I most certainly knew that when she passed away when I was eight or nine, a piece of our family had been lost.

Sadie, a female black Labrador, was my parents’ first child, and when she died, it was the first instance I remember of my father displaying any sign of weakness as he cried about losing her. Then we welcomed Magadawn (Mag) into the family, a black Lab as well, and I can still recall images of her as a puppy frolicking in the yard. I spent many an evening sitting with her, telling her my troubles and crying into her side as she lay there, perplexed by my teenage angst, which made no more sense to her than it did to me. Then there was Buddy, and he was just that, a handsome black Lab who was a pal to everyone—the cats, the kids, my mother while she puttered in the garden, and every other dog that was welcomed into the family over the years.

Don’t worry, this is not a book about dogs, but what I’ve come to discover while reflecting upon my childhood and early adult years is the gift that my dogs gave me—they helped me understand the life I wanted to live.

As a young girl, living on twenty acres at the foothills of what residents of Wallowa County in northeastern Oregon call the mini Swiss Alps, I found myself most at ease with four-legged creatures. I came to find my most comfortable sanctuary with our animals—the family dogs, my horses, the cats, and our donkey, Festus, who was happiest when you presented your backside for him to rub his head on (I always made sure to wear my most worn-out work jeans when I obliged him). So long as you offered kindness and perhaps a treat, each of our four-legged family members would be your friend for life.

Not everyone who grows up around animals finds a refuge with them as I do. My brother, who has the biggest heart in the world, loves animals but finds his bliss on the golf course and is far more social than I am.

The gift my family’s animals offered me was the ability to embrace my introversion, to revel in it and not be embarrassed by it, to lose the fear of being shunned for it or laughed at because it was odd. Any sense of discomfort about my introverted ways would come later, in my twenties, when I tried to conform to an ideal of extroversion, which I thought (wrongly) was required for success in the world, when it simply is not who I am.

But because I had the foundation of those first eighteen years—an understanding of what it felt like to be myself, the comfort I took in my own company and those of the animals in my life, the happiness with my own thoughts and my time alone—I was able to rediscover my introversion as I entered my late twenties and started to listen again to what was working for me, and what wasn’t.

The gift of a muse is her ability to bring to the surface something that already resides within us but is in need of a catalyst. It’s as though we need the right tool to harvest something that we can’t seem to reap on our own. Some may see a muse as a crutch, but I doubt that many who have the experienced a true muse’s power would dismiss it so easily.

A muse can’t create what we don’t already have to offer; it simply is the teasing mechanism that allows us to relax, brings us back to ourselves, and sets us free. For some it may be a particular destination—Paris, the top of a bluff way out in the country somewhere, or a favorite theater—while for others it may be a person or, as in my case, a couple of dogs.

Two events, one in March 2005 and the other in October 2009, neither planned or financially opportune, were exactly what my life needed right then, and they played an integral part in how my blog, The Simply Luxurious Life, which inspired this book, came to fruition.

First, in 2005, Oscar, my black English cocker spaniel, and then, in 2009, Norman, my Blenheim Cavalier King Charles spaniel, became part of my life and fanned the embers of the inner me that was begging to be reignited. How? In time, after Oscar and Norman arrived, I was able to enjoy my own company again, without feeling a sense of shame that I wasn’t social enough or that I enjoyed my me time too much. Far too many disagreements had erupted about those issues in past failed relationships, and gradually I began to think there was something wrong with me for thoroughly enjoying doing things on my own.

Wait, how absurd is that? Absurd indeed, but the insecure person I was then had accepted these judgments, until I refused to do so any longer and created a life I loved and made no apologies for. Alongside me the entire time were my boys, my two spaniels.

Again, this is not a book about dogs or being an introvert. If you’re a cat person or a plant person or a people person, that knowledge is what you want to tap into. Living a simply luxurious life doesn’t just happen, and mine won’t look like yours, just as yours won’t look like anyone else’s. And that’s a very good thing, a worth celebrating kind of thing. Such a life takes conscious and sustained effort and an awareness of what puts you at ease and what fires up your creative energies—and, conversely, what is a wet blanket.

I created The Simply Luxurious Life blog based on my own experience as someone who wants to create a life that is fulfilling regardless of what society defines as what should make a person happy, a life that is immune to the judgment of others. I had come to understand my basic truth—that if we live to please the world around us, we will never find joy, the ease that is our happy place.

A simply luxurious life is something you create for yourself. While my dogs were and are my muse, I am the maestro, just as you are the maestro of your simply luxurious life. I am the responsible party who must pay attention to what matters and edit out what doesn’t. I must be the person who says yes to welcoming two dogs into my life and no to items on my budget (lattes, additional channels on television, unnecessary trips in the car) that are far less important than having those four-legged companions in my life. Why? I know they will help me curate my simply luxurious life.

A simply luxurious life is not easy to create initially because it requires that we focus on quality and let go of excess. It requires us to get to know ourselves and be present. It requires us to be conscious and alert, and to have a genuine desire to live well. It requires that we keep in mind that in curating a simply luxurious life we are creating a life of continued fulfillment and joy.

Do you need an abundant bank account to create a simply luxurious life? Absolutely not. Do you need to know how to handle the money you do have? Absolutely. As the motto that appears on the blog’s home page states, a simply luxurious life is refined living on an everyday income.

Do you need to have graduate degrees or an impressive résumé to make sense of this beautiful thing called life? Most definitely not. Do you need to be knowledgeable about how the world works and how you can succeed in it? Yes, and I’ll show you how.

On the blog, I often gravitate toward vocabulary associated with the art world, and this is not by accident. Your life, my life, our lives, are one-of-a-kind masterpieces that can be easily destroyed—as if burned in a fire—if we give away our responsibility for ourselves and allow others to dictate how our life will unfold. Instead, you can see your life as full of unique, innate gifts and great potential waiting to be tapped. This way of thinking about your life will yield two blessings: a life bursting with contentment while you are here on earth and a legacy that will remain in the memories of those you’ve influenced long after you are gone.

So you see, you are an artist. We are all artists. Whether you can paint like Picasso or barely scratch out a stick figure (include me in the latter category), you are the only artist who can create a life that will be one of a kind. And while no person’s simply luxurious life will be identical to another’s, we all can garner inspiration from each person or situation we have the opportunity to experience.

That is why I created the blog, and why I have written this book that tells you how you can build your very own simply luxurious life—so that whether you live in a bustling mecca like New York City or a quiet rural town of two hundred people, you can find inspiration on your own terms and apply it in a way that works for your life.

After all, life is far too short, and you have so much to offer. So let’s get started. Let me show you how to build your very own simply luxurious life.

CHAPTER ONE

Fall in Love with Your Life

Everything will line up perfectly when knowing and living the truth becomes more important than looking good.

—Alan Cohen

My fondest memories of Christmas were formed in the house where I grew up, in the country nestled just below the tree line surrounding Ruby Peak in Wallowa County in northeastern Oregon. My brother and I, along with my parents, would often wake up to fresh snow on the ground, and there was plenty of time for us to lounge in our pajamas as long as we pleased, enjoying Santa’s gifts.

As an adult I crave the quiet and simplicity of those childhood holidays, and so in December 2009 I made the trek from my home about 100 miles to the west to spend Christmas with my parents. I find it easy to step away from my day-to-day life there, to slow down and catch my breath. And during that point in my life, it was often during my visits to Wallowa County that I gave myself the time I needed to mull over dilemmas, contemplate ideas, and strategize as I formulated plans of action that would help me reach my goals.

My Christmas 2009 holiday getaway provided a lightbulb moment I can now only explain as serendipitous.

I love writing and reading, and I’d chosen a career as a high school English teacher, but after seven years I was feeling a deep sense of dissatisfaction. My discontent had nothing to do with my experience in education—I taught with inspiring mentors and dedicated colleagues, and worked with students who were motivated and went on to pursue amazing careers. Yet something within me was not being tapped.

I’m someone who has an insatiable curiosity for information, who seeks answers to the endless stream of questions life presents. I tend to be self-motivated and driven to always look around the next corner, and as a general rule, I refuse to take explanations or ways of living life at face value. I want to live consciously, aware of what I am doing and why I am doing it, mindfully making decisions instead of following the crowd in order to be accepted. Teaching high school, while providing a sense of positive contribution, left me feeling a bit like a robot. The creative and curious voice inside me was subtly becoming frustrated, although at the time, I wouldn’t have been able to identify exactly what I was feeling beyond extremely perplexed and lost.

When I was a teenager, my first attempt at living a life I loved came as I expressed myself through fashion, a habit I continue to indulge in to this day. My sartorial choices are generally tame and subtle, but my initial efforts to mix it up ever so slightly (such as the first time I dared to wear an accessory as simple as a scarf in my small rural hometown, where T-shirts and jeans sans accessories were de rigueur) involved great gumption for the sensitive introvert that I am.

As a child, I could entertain myself endlessly without my parents’ prompting or a friend’s company. And as a young adult, I struggled to fit in with a social world where it was expected that everyone needed to always have people around, whether friends or a romantic flame. For a time, because I convinced myself that there must be something wrong with me, I attempted to be socially busy constantly. Looking back, I’m amazed I didn’t recognize earlier that a life of intense, incessant socializing doesn’t satisfy me.

I had grown up with my mother’s and her father’s love for preparing meals and party fare that bring people together. After a college study-abroad adventure in France, I took another major step toward a fulfilling life when I embraced my infatuation with wine, cheese, and all kinds of cooking; the Food Network was my television channel of choice for a while.

When it came to décor, I never lived in an apartment that didn’t get painted (red walls in the living room—yep, that happened, and I loved it). And after I had the opportunity, in graduate school, to live alone for the first time, I fell in love with my own company again and gradually found the strength to stand up for the life I loved.

After living most of my twenties as a victim of the belief that I wasn’t enough unless I fulfilled a certain formula for my life—a sheep who wanted to be married with kids, who devotedly followed a specific religion, who dressed in shapeless, acceptable clothing for my career as a teacher, who passively accepted inequalities for women—I chose to begin my thirties instead as the curator of my life, based on my own unique combination of talents, passions, values, and curiosities.

And then I began blogging.

On December 26, 2009, I was alone in my childhood home, and thrilled to be in my own company. In fact, it was by my own choosing. After spending the day doing exactly as I wished and pleased, I wrote the first post on my blog; at the time the blog was called Simply Luxurious, and the title of that first post was The After-Christmas Calm.

In my effort to channel all things French this morning, I spritzed a bit of Chanel No. 5 on and watched the Barefoot Contessa while she walked through Paris talking of flower arrangements, fromage, omelets, and profiteroles, all the while walking away the holiday calories on the treadmill. I then cleaned up and headed out shopping, listening to Madeline Peyroux’s Careless Love album, hoping to find some diamonds in the rough in the small, quaint town of Joseph, Oregon.

The day after Christmas finds shops with sale signs hanging in every window, it seems, and it was no different in this little town. Whenever I am visiting my family for the holidays, I frequent a locally owned boutique, BeeCrowBee, that specializes in making sumptuous-smelling soaps, candles, lotions, and bath scrubs and oils, as well as herbal teas. The clean, spa-like aesthetic is a rare treat compared to cluttered shops that display so many items your eyes are bombarded and aren’t sure where to look. Today, as I was browsing, the owner, Will Roundy, was working away on a huge block of soap, slicing it into sellable sizes. There is just something about watching somebody at work on their craft.

Over the years I have purchased scrubs, washcloths, and towels (made of bamboo and oh, so soft, even more so after each washing), and I regularly sip Will’s teas in the evening after a long day at work. My favorite blend is his lavender-scented black tea—calming and aromatic, all rolled up in one. Today I left with a bottle of lavender bath oil, giving myself another reason to pamper myself a bit more.

Au revoir!

My only intention was to share what I loved about the way I lived, which seemed so contrary to the lives of most of the people I knew at the time. With my newborn blog, I gave my life a voice in a medium that provided space for individuality and a platform to write. And even though the only person who was reading it at first was my mother (thank you, Mom!), that act of celebrating my interests rather than hushing them helped me to fully believe that I am enough exactly as I am and to revel in it.

And so I began to dance with my life, so to speak. I wrote every day for two years. I wrote about what I loved, what made me curious, how I lived, and what I’ve learned. On some days, multiple posts would go live. I had found my outlet. I would, and still do, lose all track of time when I sit down to write.

Somehow readers found me. With some helpful discussion and advice from a handful of bloggers I am inspired by and respect, as well as some much-appreciated mentions on their blogs, my readers increased in number each month—gradually, but steadily.

After two years and countless inquiries by readers who wanted a book to hold in their hands, I spent the summer of 2011 organizing the blog into a manuscript. At that point, I had a manuscript, but I wasn’t sure what to do with it. So I kept blogging, traveling, sharing, asking questions, reading, exploring, and falling in love with my life more and more.

And then I had even more content for a book—multiple trips to France so that I could now share insights on how to travel safely and simply luxuriously to the City of Light; relationship advice, after learning valuable lessons; advice about buying a house, refinancing a mortgage, and purchasing a car; tips for maintaining a capsule wardrobe; life coaching about chasing your dreams and reveling in a full life regardless of your relationship status—you name it, I was seeking out the questions that I wanted the answers to, and the blog continued to grow, mainly by word of mouth.

And it is to the readers of the blog—those who have been reading since 2010, those who have just discovered TSLL, women and men of all ages—that I extend my gratitude. While I could not have predicted on that first day all that has occurred since, based on what has happened I am confident that we find the key to living the life each of us desires to live when we tap into our authentic selves, listen carefully, and then follow through, doing what we love regardless of the external chatter. Because the one thing that was present when that inaugural post was written and remains present today is that I’ve always been doing what I love.

We are the curators of our lives. We are able to say yes or no. We are able to take a chance and to appreciate and cultivate what is working well. Most important, we are responsible for our own contentment.

If your life doesn’t sit well with you, begin seeking inspiration until you figure out the life you want and how you will live it. Give yourself the gift of a life of freedom and independence.

Living a life that you love doesn’t mean the masses will applaud. It does mean you will sleep soundly at night, and that is the best gift. If at some point you hear applause, fabulous. But if not, so what?

Your heart knows when you’re the curator of your life—or when someone else is. Have you ever had a strong negative reaction to an event that others are cheering and not said anything? If so, you may have been following instead of curating. On the flip side, when time passes in a flash and you lose yourself in the moment—intoxicated by life—then most likely you have found your niche.

The beautiful gift of our one and only life is that the choices we make every single day determine whether or not we’re content. It is up to us to choose wisely.

What a Luxurious Life Looks Like

There are people who have money and people who are rich.

—Coco Chanel

Every woman creates a unique way of living that correlates with her values, her passions, her attitudes toward her loved ones, and many other areas that she must consciously consider as she sets out to design an ideal life.

The foundation of living a simply luxurious life is made up of substance, passion, quality, sensibility, sincerity, appreciation, and continual growth.

What a simply luxurious life is not is blindly following whatever society or the media’s version of it glorifies, spending more than you make, living in a home that is not soothing or welcoming, having many friendships or friends but few relationships of real quality, creating a wardrobe driven by trends, not being mindful of your body’s unique beauty, falling prey to the fears and pressures that marketers and the media push on us, or ignoring the importance of learning something new and substantial each and every day.

I’d like to begin by sharing what my simply luxurious life looks like. I hope you will see that while you and I may have similar ways of living simply luxuriously, there will also be differences, and that is perfectly fine. What we will share, however, are some fundamental convictions. Refusing to follow societal dictates that don’t feel right, and finding the strength to tap into who we truly are and to share these discovered gifts with the world and those we love—that is what makes each of our lives uniquely our own.

My simply luxurious life is …

… making time to have intimate, one-on-one conversations with loved ones.… nibbling on a chocolate truffle late in the evening, paired with a hot cup of lavender tea to help me unwind.

… walking my dogs in the early-morning hours as we greet the day (and sniff every nook and cranny—not me, the dogs).

… living in a home that is free of clutter.

… listening to old vinyl jazz records in my living room while reading a book.

… having the peace of mind that comes from knowing my financial house is in order.

… taking advantage of opportunities to continually learn new and interesting things about my passions and the world.

… writing letters on quality stationery.

… meeting fellow bloggers and readers who have similar passions.

… exploring locales as far away as the cobbled streets of Paris or as near as businesses in my own hometown.

… cooking a pot of risotto while sipping a glass of crisp white wine.

… staying abreast of the news enough to be an active participant in politics, but not so much that I feel unnecessary stress and angst.

… wandering through a museum to enjoy an interesting exhibit.

… taking a cooking class to channel my inner Julia Child.

… snapping photos on a walk or while visiting a favorite shop or boutique.

… watching, after a long, exhausting day at work, a favorite television show I’ve recorded.

… sipping decadent homemade hot chocolate from my favorite local shop, Colville Street Patisserie.

… slowly but surely decorating my home in a way that best reflects who I am but is also welcoming to guests.

… using all-white dishes for meals and choosing brilliantly colorful flowers, tablecloths, and napkins to accessorize.

… knowing when to use social media and when to turn it off.

… hosting a simple tapas soiree for close friends and family to celebrate an important or everyday occasion.

… letting go