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    Cautionary Verses for Childish Adults
    Cautionary Verses for Childish Adults
    Cautionary Verses for Childish Adults
    Ebook92 pages31 minutes

    Cautionary Verses for Childish Adults

    By Sean O'Neill

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    About this ebook

    From the dangers of eating cabbage to the inadvisability of rotten eggs, from punch-ups at a village fair to larceny, forgery and insanity "Cautionary Verses for Childish Adults" will ensure that your barely-suppressed titters receive funny looks from your fellow train passengers. This superbly illustrated volume is a collector's piece that will go down in the annals of history as one of the most brazen attempts to subvert the canon of English literature with heavily-salted doggerel.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSean O'Neill
    Release dateFeb 25, 2016
    ISBN9781311548849
    Cautionary Verses for Childish Adults
    Author

    Sean O'Neill

    Sean O'Neill is an illustrator and writer living in Chicago. The creator of the Rocket Robinson graphic novel series, Sean loves history, trivia, and drawing cartoons.

    Read more from Sean O'neill

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      Book preview

      Cautionary Verses for Childish Adults - Sean O'Neill

      Cautionary Verses

      for childish adults

      Sean O’Neill

      Illustrated by the author

      Copyright © 2011 Sean O’Neill

      All rights reserved.

      ISBN:

      ISBN-13:

      LCCN:

      For Bruce.

      CONTENTS

      To the reader

      The Scandal of the Spanish Jew

      The Unpleasantness at Wair

      The Lazy Mr. John O'Dowd

      Dr. Fleet and the Parisian Duck Disaster

      The Sad Demise of Marjory De Lord

      Edgar Bunney's Taste for Fish

      The Tibetan Gravy Boat

      The Inadvisability of rotten eggs

      The Deplorability of chair-swinging

      The Reprehensibility of Chewing Gum

      On dental hygiene

      On central heating

      ABOUT THE AUTHOR

      To the reader

      Dear reader, can I bend your ear -

      A painful thing, or so I hear,

      That causes you to utter, Ow!

      But please don’t interrupt me now.

      These cautionary tales are meant

      To stimulate the city gent

      To give some pause to all that set

      Who tend to get the thrills they get

      By habits most promiscuous

      In tabloid form so dear to us;

      They’ll pay for every wild excess

      And rue their folly nonetheless.

      And politicians, right or left,

      Whose ethics may be quite bereft,

      If they would take some time to hear

      They’d save the odd unwanted tear.

      So if you find, belatedly,

      Or even unexpectedly,

      An invite to compose a speech

      Do not be terrified but reach

      For this diverting book of tales

      And read a few; it never fails

      To sober them. Each little gem

      Will leave a cloud of woe on them.

      CONTENTS

      The Scandal of the Spanish Jew

      When at your wine or vintage port,

      Or sitting at your Davenport,

      Reflect upon my uncle Hal

      The late Sir Henry Percival

      Whose penchant for delectable

      And almost undetectable

      alt caution illustration 01

      Picasso forgeries and art,

      With which he seldom liked to part

      Was his undoing, so they say.

      He’s still in prison till this day

      And so are all connected to

      The Scandal of the ‘Spanish Jew’.

      This famous painting, which displayed

      ‘The force of Pablo’s palette blade’

      Was daubed in Barcelona by

      Some backstreet forger from Dubai.

      It came to England and, post-haste,

      Was passed from hand to hand, encased

      alt caution illustration 02

      In polystyrene foam and string,

      Until Sir Henry bought the thing

      For twenty thousand give or take

      Deductions. So the famous fake

      Just thirty centimetres tall

      For decades graced Sir Henry’s wall.

      But unbeknown to expert eyes

      This painting of but modest size

      Was not the only fake it seems.

      Desiring to fulfill his dreams,

      He bought a

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