The Little Book for Dads: Stories, Jokes, Games, and More

INTRODUCTION

The time you spend with your kids while they’re young is so precious and fleeting. Make the most of it with The Little Book for Dads! It’s the perfect collection of timeless tidbits for you to share with your children. After all, some of your kids’ favorite childhood memories will come from the many things you teach them as you play, talk, and snuggle together:

The best way to tie a fishing lure.

How to play Kick the Can.

Baseball’s greatest all-time players.

Bedtime stories filled with adventure.

On these pages, you’ll find a top-notch collection of jokes, sports lore, silly songs, hands-on activities, stories, and more—all of which help create magical memories your children will remember forever. Whether it’s the rules of Crazy Eights, a fun song to sing when you’re stuck in traffic, or a bedtime story to send your little ones off to sleep, you’ll turn to this treasury again and again.

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

BY JACK NORWORTH AND ALBERT VON TILZER, 1908

Take me out to the ball game,

Take me out with the crowd.

Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,

I don’t care if I never get back.

Let me root, root, root for the home team,

If they don’t win, it’s a shame.

For it’s one, two, three strikes, you’re out,

At the old ball game.

Hot Cross Buns

Hot cross buns!

Hot cross buns!

One a penny, two a penny,

Hot cross buns!

If you have no daughters,

Give them to your sons.

One a penny, two a penny,

Hot cross buns!

One, Two, Buckle My Shoe

One, two, buckle my shoe;

Three, four, knock at the door;

Five, six, pick up sticks;

Seven, eight, lay them straight;

Nine, ten, a big, fat hen;

Eleven, twelve, dig and delve;

Thirteen, fourteen, maids a-courting;

Fifteen, sixteen, maids in the kitchen;

Seventeen, eighteen, maids a-waiting;

Nineteen, twenty, my plate’s empty.

ACTIVITY

HOW TO MAKE A TIN-CAN TELEPHONE

This nostalgic craft is simple to make and fun to play with. Get ready for hours of entertainment and ingenuity with your tin-can telephone! Now you’re talking!

WHAT YOU’LL NEED:

Two tin cans, washed with the paper removed (be careful of sharp edges)

A piece of string

A hammer and a nail (and an adult!)

Turn the cans so the solid bottom is at the top. With the hammer and nail, make a hole in the bottom of each can just big enough for the string to get through.

Insert the string into each hole. Knot each end of the string inside each can.

Pull the string taut so that the knot is right up against the bottom of each can.

Now you can speak into one can while someone listens on the other end. The sound of your voice will vibrate across the string and into the other person’s ear!

SOCCER SKILL GAMES

MONKEY IN THE MIDDLE

If you have three people, try this version of a good old-fashioned game of Monkey in the Middle. Two of you team up and try to keep possession of the ball while passing it back and forth. The third person does her best to get it away from you.

CATCH

Pass the ball back and forth with your child. It’s like playing catch, but with a soccer ball! Start by using two touches: you’ll catch the ball first and then pass it. Once you feel comfortable with that, you can graduate to one-touch passing. See how many times the ball can go back and forth accurately.

SOCCER GOLF

To play soccer golf, you first need a golf course. That doesn’t mean you rush over to the local course and invade it with your soccer balls. You have to be creative. Go to a park and find holes, such as a tree, a fountain, a seesaw, and a statue. Play as many holes as you like.

Once your course is set up, it’s time to play. You and your child should both have a soccer ball. It’s also handy to have a pencil and a piece of paper to keep score unless you have a really good memory. The first player tees off by kicking the soccer ball toward the goal. Then the next player goes. Count how many kicks it takes to hit the hole. Write that down as your score for that hole. At the end of your course, the player with the lowest score is the winner.

DOUBLE JEOPARDY

This is a good passing game for four players. Have two players line up on one line and two others stand across from them at a good passing distance for your level. Use two balls, one on each side. Now start passing the ball back and forth. The team who can get both balls on one side is the winner.

RED LIGHT, GREEN LIGHT

Red Light, Green Light has always been a great kids’ game, and you and your kids can play it with a soccer ball as well. One person is the traffic light at the far end of the field. The rest are the cars. They each have a ball. The player at the far end yells, Green light! and turns around. The cars all begin dribbling their balls until they hear the traffic light yell, Red light! at which point they all must put a foot on the ball. If any players can’t put their foot on the ball because it’s too far away from them, then they’re sent back to the beginning. The winner (and next traffic light) is the player who crosses the field first. This really teaches you to keep the ball close yet still dribble quickly.

Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.

—JOHN WILMOT

ACTIVITY

CLASSIC CARD GAME: CRAZY EIGHTS

Looking for a strategy game to play with your little ones? Crazy Eights involves thinking ahead and planning for your last discard. It also develops matching skills, following suit, and recognizing the value of cards.

OBJECTIVE:

To be the first person to discard all of the cards in your hand.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED:

Two or more players are needed to play this game, and you’ll use a standard pack of fifty-two cards.

A dealer is randomly selected and deals five cards face down to each player, if there are more than two players, or seven cards if there are only two players. The remaining cards are then placed face down in a stockpile, accessible to everyone in the playing area. The top card is turned face up and placed next to the stack of cards to start the discard pile.

The game begins with the player to the dealer’s left. If the first card turned over in the discard pile is an eight, the player chooses a suit and then discards a card of that suit from his hand. If the card is not an eight, the player discards a card of that suit or of that value from her hand. For instance, if the top card is 6♦, you may discard a six of any suit or any diamond.

If you have an eight in your hand, you might want to save it until the last card. This strategy assures that you will be able to discard your last card without having to wait for a suit or value to match that card.

If you have no cards that can be played, you must pick up the top card from the stockpile. The next player to the left then plays, with the same options. If you discard an eight, you must then call out a new suit for the next player to play. The game stops when any player discards the last card in her hand.

FOOTBALL TERMS TO KNOW

When you watch sports games with your kids, they might want to know what certain terms mean so they can follow along. Here’s a glossary of key football words.

BLITZ In a regular football game, a blitz just means that the defense sends a LOT of players to try to tackle the quarterback. In a playground game with a rush count, though, a blitz just means the defense can rush without counting. Many playground games put a limit on how many times the defense can blitz.

DEFENSE The team of eleven players without the ball is the defense. They try to tackle the offensive player with the ball, and they try to knock down or intercept passes.

DOWN Whether they run or pass, the offense has to keep moving if they want to keep the ball. They have four plays, called downs, to advance 10 yards. If they make the 10 yards, they are awarded a first down, and they keep the ball. If they don’t get those 10 yards, then the defense gets the ball.

FIELD GOAL Three points scored by kicking the ball through the goalposts.

HOLDING Neither offensive nor defensive players are ever allowed to hold a player who doesn’t have the ball. This means no jersey grabbing, hugging, or tackling. Holding usually results in a 10-yard penalty. (Of course, the defense is supposed to do these things to the person who’s carrying the ball!)

LINE OF SCRIMMAGE The line of scrimmage is where the referee places the ball at the beginning of a play. Neither the offense nor the defense is allowed to cross the line before the ball is snapped and the action begins. Forward passes may only be thrown from behind the line of scrimmage.

OFFENSE The team of eleven players that controls the ball is the offense. They try to run or pass the ball down the field toward the end zone.

PASS INTERFERENCE When a pass is in the air, the defense can’t make contact with the receivers. If they do, the penalty is called pass interference, and it usually costs 15 yards—sometimes even more in the NFL.

POCKET When the quarterback has dropped back to pass, his offensive line forms a horseshoe-shaped pocket around him. They push the pass rushers toward the sideline and down the field, keeping the area around the quarterback clear of defenders until the quarterback can throw a pass.

SACK When the defense tackles the quarterback before he has a chance to pass the ball, that’s called a sack. Bruce Smith, who played most of his career for the Buffalo Bills, sacked the quarterback 200 times and holds the all-time NFL record.

SCREEN PASS When the offensive line forms a pocket and the receivers run downfield, the defense is ready for a long pass. Sometimes they forget about the running back. In one common screen pass, the running back and some linemen pretend to miss their blocks so the pass rushers think they can tackle the quarterback. Then the quarterback throws a short pass over the rushers to the running back, who now has a clear field in front of him for a long gain.

TOUCHDOWN Six points. Run the ball into the end zone or catch the ball in the end zone.

ACTIVITY

HOW TO MAKE AN INSECT HABITAT

There’s nothing more quintessential for kids than exploring the world of insects, and creating an insect habitat will make hunting for critters with your family even more fun!

WHAT YOU’LL NEED:

Something to put your little creatures in. (If you don’t have a container specifically for insect hunting, any clear plastic container with a lid will work well. Just be sure to poke holes in the container or lid. You can also use