I Am What You Say I Am

© 2012 by Courtney Richards. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 10/24/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4772-3953-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4772-3069-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4772-3954-4 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by iStockphoto are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © iStockphoto.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Unless otherwise indicated, scripture quotations are from the King James Version of the Bible.

All Scripture quotations marked (NKJV) are from the New King James Version of the Bible. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. All Scripture quotations marked (AMP) are from the Amplified Bible. Old Testament copyright © 1965, 1987 by Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified New Testament copyright © 1954, 1958, 1987 by the Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. All Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright © 2001 by Crossways Bibles. Used by permission. All rights reserved. All Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation. Copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved. All Scripture quotations marked (MSG) are from The Message: The Bible in Contemporary English. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission. All rights reserved. All Scripture quotations marked (CEV) are from the Holy Bible, Contemporary English Version. Copyright © 1991, 1992, 1985. The American Bible Society. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Front cover design by Hayden Richards

CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter 1 Three Great Laws

Chapter 2 The Origins Of Our Beliefs

Chapter 3 The Imagination And How It Interacts With Our Beliefs

Chapter 4 Perfectionism—The Harsh Taskmaster

Chapter 5 Who Am I Really? Dealing With The Ego

Chapter 6 Preparing To Go Beyond

Chapter 7 Tools For The Journey

Chapter 8 Resolving The Conflict

Chapter 9 Inspiration Vs. Motivation

Chapter 10 Make Room For The New

Chapter 11 Breaking With Tradition

Chapter 12 I Am What You Say I Am

Chapter 13 Make It Happen

The Companion Cd

Notes

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to Marcia, the wife of my youth.

Your constant encouragement has helped bring this seed to harvest.

Many people too numerous to mention have helped in one way or another, but I’d like to give special thanks to:

My parents Joseph and Leanora, for accepting the challenge in bringing me up!

Paul Burrell & Joycelyn Thompson-Burrell, whose obedience has helped this project come to fruition.

Maureen Austin & Khiz Mealin, for your diligent work in proof reading.

My son Hayden, for your insightful eyes & creativity regarding the images.

Cynthia Atirene & Zoe Mukoro-Dibie, for your encouragement.

Also dedicated to all those out there who like me that believe that there’s got to be more to life than this and are brave enough to look for it.

INTRODUCTION

Life is always teaching us something. The lessons we learn from the situations of life are entirely based on our individual worldview. Do you live in a friendly or hostile universe? Einstein said the answer to this question is the most important decision you’ll ever make. (1)

What is success to you?

A detached house on the Surrey borders or any other ‘desirable place’ on earth?

A sports car or cars?

Working for a large organisation?

A good looking spouse?

Able to send a child to private school?

Respect from your work colleagues, parents and siblings?

All these things I possessed or achieved, therefore my life should have been perfect. For years I had suppressed that gnawing feeling in my gut that said there’s got to be more to life than this. In 2007 while voicing my frustrations to God he spoke: Take care of my business and I’ll take care of yours, so I started on a journey of self-discovery beginning with a personal inventory. You see, despite my achievements I found that there were holes and inconsistencies in my perfect life.

Just as a person living on a cattle farm will be de-sensitised to the smell of manure all around them, I realised that I was living in denial. In reality married life had become intolerable; sleeping in separate rooms, regular arguments, and financial problems, not to mention the psychological impact on our children. I wondered, is this my dream? Is this what I signed up for? I can’t do this anymore! Maybe you’ve been there too or are currently there now? The good news is there’s still hope.

Let me make this clear from the outset, this is not a pity party, hard luck story or let’s get at the ex time. This is the background to what birthed my breakthrough.

In 2009 the wheels finally fell off, and the ensuing train wreck culminated in my decision to petition for the dissolution of what was a 20yr marriage. It was a painful choice, but the right one. However, I was riddled with feelings of guilt and shame.

In the lead up to my decision and the healing process thereafter, I had to accept the responsibility for my failings and the disruption caused to the lives affected. I became painfully aware that my dreams, drive and motivation to achieve things in life had also died.

From the outside looking in, I looked normal. I was free from a mentally and emotionally damaging relationship that I thought was the source of all my problems. Starting again with big plans and aspirations, I was ready to take the world by storm.

However, from the inside I was dead.

Emerging from the wreckage of my life, I discovered what had previously driven me was now woefully inadequate. What surfaced was an I don’t care attitude. No matter what motivational techniques & coaching methods I tried (and I knew many), the result was the same.

With every part of my life thrown up in the air, I continued the process of self-evaluation. This revealed unanswered questions relating to who I was, where I was going, my purpose and my beliefs about myself.

WOW, I didn’t think I was that messed up!

Has a situation or series of situations in life hit you so hard that it eroded your life force and caused you to doubtfully question yourself?

Or has a circumstance of life uncovered behaviour’s or thought patterns that you were unaware of?

After much searching; in a place I didn’t expect (which meant looking at myself far more deeply), I found my answers.

In my mind, I needed to preserve what people thought of me and the perfect life facade that I kept in order to maintain my public persona. However, with the help of the Holy Spirit and the fact that there was now nothing left to hide, gradually the truth, the real truth about myself could be revealed. Psalm 51:6 puts it like this, Behold, you desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part you will make me to know wisdom.

David, arising from his own messy shame of adultery and murder, confronted by the Prophet Nathan (2 Samuel 12:1-17), realised with heart felt repentance that you have to be honest and open with yourself and God in order to receive help.

This book investigates the following:

What do you do when your previous motivators have become worthless and your mental foundations seem to be built on sinking sand?

How do you recover from a position when all hope seems lost?

Whose voices have you been listening to and believing?

How do you turn your thinking around?

How do you fulfil your purpose and live the ultimate dream?

This book doesn’t purport to be the final word on the subject, because as humans no-one has the entire pie, but just a piece. Written with the intention to challenge limiting thinking and inspire change, this book takes a look at strategies and information that helped me through dark times.

Note to readers . . .

To those of you out there that the mere mention of God or the Bible sends shivers down your spine; give this book a chance, for like a parachute, your mind works best when open.

Look at the biblical quotations as coming from ancient wisdom that precedes and surpasses in age and scope that of Socrates, Plato and Aristotle. Look at the characters and stories as people like you and me. They may have lived thousand’s of years ago but as we strip away the superficial accompaniments of 21st century life, you’ll have to admit that as humans we are still dealing with the same issues that they did. In any case, what do you have to lose?

Maybe your doubts, fears and limiting thinking!

CHAPTER 1

THREE GREAT LAWS

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Hosea 4:6

The law of entropy.

The law of observation.

The law of the seed.

I know you didn’t pick up this book to be told about science, so I’ll be gentle—I promise!

The law of entropy is part of the second law of thermodynamics, and it is the measure of disorder (loss of energy) in a system.

Essentially, everything loses its energy, breaks down, or falls into ruin or disorder if left to itself. An example is that if you leave your beautifully manicured garden untended for a year, it wouldn’t be as pretty on your return. Another example would be if you made a hot cup of coffee and left it on the table. Returning ten minutes later, the coffee would be colder than when you left it.

This natural loss of heat energy is an example of entropy.

In his article Evolution, Thermodynamics, and Entropy, Henry Morris, PhD, argues that if the entropy principle is really a universal law, then evolution must be impossible, as the very terms themselves express contradictory concepts. The word evolution is derived from a Latin word meaning out-rolling.

Entropy, on the other hand, means literally in-turning and is derived from the two Greek words en (meaning in) and trope (meaning turning). The concept is of something spiralling inward upon itself, exactly the opposite concept to evolution. Evolution is change outward and upward, entropy is change inward and downward.

The law of observation is in the arena of quantum physics; according to John Paul Jackson, if you were to take a look at an electron, how you expected the electron to spin prior to looking at it will determine the way it would actually spin. Research conducted at the Weizmann Institute of Science showed that a beam of electrons is affected by the act of being observed, and the greater the amount of watching, the greater the observer’s influence on what actually takes place. Once an observer begins to watch the particles, the picture changes dramatically.

From this we can conclude that observation affects reality, and what you look at will conform to the way you look at it, when you’re around it.

Another perspective would be, how we perceive ourselves and others around us has a direct effect on what we become.

The law of the seed is the name I’ve given to one of the significant features of the account as described in the Book of Genesis, chapters 1 and 2. Whether you believe in the Bible or not, a cursory glance through nature would reveal the fact that everything in creation reproduces after its own kind. What we get as a harvest is directly and inseparably related to the seed that was sown—in other words, you cannot get plums from sowing cherry seeds, as each seed has a precoded instruction to produce a specific harvest. The produce of the seed is always greater than the original seed itself. A seed can be tangible, like an apple seed producing an apple tree and eventually apples, or intangible like information, producing a thought and eventually an action.

You may say thanks for the lessons, but what does this have to do with getting myself out of the hole that I’m in? Plenty!

The default position of everything in creation is chaos; hence, everything left to its own devices gets worse (entropy).

Just as gravity is an inescapable companion to our lives, chaos and disorder are woven into the very fabric of our existence. However, like gravity, chaos can be overruled. Genesis 1:2 tells us the earth was without form and void; without form is the Hebrew word tohuw, and its meaning includes confusion and a place of chaos. Therefore, the first thing that God did in creation was to solve chaos.

Our lives are no different; we can only change the chaos we’re currently experiencing when we do the following:

• Accept that we are in charge—responsibility.

• Recognise that we have the power of choice.

• Choose to enforce and maintain order and harmony in our lives; it is a choice and a continuous action.

If it was your hope that life would work out by itself—think again!

Just as an aeroplane that runs out of fuel in midair will become victimised by gravity, by the same token, as sure as night follows day, the moment we stop enforcing order, chaos and disorder find their way back, and we become the victim of our circumstances. Imagine the physical conditioning required by a champion athlete, the amount of discipline in time, effort, training, and eating the right foods it takes to maintain their level of fitness. What would happen if they suddenly stopped training and ate junk food? It wouldn’t take long before the effects of erosion would start to show. Have you noticed that