Stiff

Stiff

Stiff

Stories by Steve Hughes

WAYNE STATE UNIVERSITY PRESS

DETROIT

MADE IN MICHIGAN WRITERS SERIES

GENERAL EDITORS

Michael Delp, Interlochen Center for the Arts

M. L. Liebler, Wayne State University

© 2018 by Steve Hughes. Published by Wayne State University Press, Detroit, Michigan 48201. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without formal permission. Manufactured in the United States of America.

ISBN 978-0-8143-4588-7 (paperback); ISBN 978-0-8143-4589-4 (ebook)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018948388

Publication of this book was made possible by a generous gift from The Meijer Foundation. This work is supported in part by an award from the Michigan Council for Arts and Cultural Affairs.

Search and Destroy written by Iggy Pop and James Williamson copyright © 1973 BMG Bumblebee, Strait James Music and EMI Music Publishing Ltd. Copyright renewed all rights for BMG Bumblebee and Strait James Music administered by BMG Rights Management (US) LLC all rights for EMI Music Publishing Ltd. administered by Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, 424 Church Street, suite 1200, Nashville, TN 37219. All rights reserved. Used by permission. Reprinted by permission of Hal Leonard LLC.

The stories in this collection were read aloud in various forms at the Good Tyme Writers Buffet, a literary series Hughes started in 2011 and continues to run at the Public Pool Art Space in Hamtramck, MI.

Wayne State University Press

Leonard N. Simons Building

4809 Woodward Avenue

Detroit, Michigan 48201–1309

Visit us online at wsupress.wayne.edu

For Hamtramck, For Detroit

Honey gotta help me please

Somebody gotta save my soul

Baby, detonate for me . . . Oh

—James Osterberg, Search and Destroy

Contents

Lucky Fucking Day

Only Wilma

I Am Still Learning About the World

Ripening

Her Walls Not Mine

When Drink, Drugs, and Floor Polish Steal Your Youth and Trash Your Woman

Dexter’s Song

Part Plant, Part Animal, Part Insect

New Phase

The Perfect Song

Forest Parker, Poet Laureate of Lumpkin Street

Wood for Rhonda

Bullets for Charlene

God, That Kimchi!

I Don’t Feel Sorry for Mrs. Miller

Ted and His Heartbeat

Acknowledgments

Lucky Fucking Day

I was sitting in Cindy’s kitchen when she said she wasn’t comfortable with the shape of my head. She didn’t like the woody little stub that grew out of its center and stuck up over the dome of my skull. She didn’t like my orange, ruddy complexion. She didn’t like it that the holes for my eyes were shrinking and relaxing. I explained that’s just what they do. And it’s actually more comfortable that way. I looked at myself in the mirror. The old carving job that my wife had done, months back, was growing shut.

I didn’t decide to have a head like this. I didn’t make it myself any more than I named myself. I didn’t have anything to do with it. Still, I knew that Cindy was right. I needed my stalk trimmed and shaped. I needed my features sharpened—at least my eyes and mouth. She said she’d do it. She’d fix it all for me tomorrow.

Are you sure? I said. It can be sort of tricky if you haven’t done it before.

I’m not worried, she said. Then maybe we can get a candle going in there again.

Maybe. It’s not super comfortable though.

But it looks so cool.

Then she was shoving me out the back door, allowing me only a single flat kiss, her lips set firmly against her teeth. I took her by her elastic waistband and pulled her tightly to me, then ran my hand into her pink work scrubs. She grabbed my wrist and gave it a sharp squeeze.

Maybe tomorrow, she said. I can’t be distracted right now.

Shit, I said. Tomorrow is forever.

Not really, she said. So I guess I’ll borrow my friend’s loppers. Is that a good way to do it?

Sure, I said, for the stalk.

I left her house. My wife would want to know what made me so late. Yesterday I told her a gravel hauler tipped over on the highway. I was stuck. Of course, my wife is smart, a lot smarter than me. So there’s only so much shit I can get away with. When I finally got home, my little pumpkin-head boys were on the porch cheering for me. Daddy’s home! Then they started punching each other before I even climbed the steps. By the time I got my first beer open, they were crying, and my wife was pissed at them and at me, as usual. The highway was a disaster, I said. I did my best to look exhausted.

After dinner, I didn’t yell at the kids or say mean things to my wife. I cleaned up the table and scrubbed out the burned scum from the pots and put the boys to bed. Then finally, I fell asleep on the couch in front of the TV.

The next day was forever long. I climbed ladders and painted windows all afternoon. The leaves were gone from the trees and it was quieter now when the wind blew, but then it blew harder and the trees whistled with it and the hollow rungs of my aluminum ladder hummed.

At four, I told my boss that my wife had called to say that my youngest was sick and that I needed to pick up some medicine.

OK, he said. You better get to it.

I really don’t have a choice, I said. So I cleaned my brush, jumped in my car, and drove straight to Cindy’s place. I dashed up her steps and pounded on her door. She was just back from work too and still wearing her pink scrubs. She asked me in but instead of hugging me she backed up and sat in front of her computer screen and began typing.

Got to finish this email to my boss, she said.

I sat at her table and waited, tapping my fingers.

So, she said finally. What’s up?

I reminded her about my stalk.

Oh, that’s right. Damn it. I forgot to get the loppers from my friend. She looked around and found a big flimsy kitchen knife. I can do it with this, she said.

That’ll probably work.

She wrapped a towel over my shoulders and put one in my lap. The knife was a dull, cheap thing with a rusted edge. I felt its point dig into my head.

That sort of hurts, I said.

Really, I didn’t think you could feel that.

Yeah, I feel it. It works a lot better with a sharp knife. This just feels very weird.

She leaned hard on the handle and forced the cold metal all the way into my skull.

There, she said, and she sawed and sawed until she got all the way around. She took my stalk and wiggled it just slightly and the small lid that she had made popped open with a satisfying sucking sound. She set it aside and gave me a damp cloth to wipe my face.

The weird thing about it was I was glad she was touching me, even if it hurt. Her hands were small and strong and amazing. She brought out a big slotted spoon and dug around inside my head and scraped out all the seedy gunk and stringy pulp that had grown there, then dropped it into a big plastic bucket.

What am I supposed to do with this stuff?

Throw it in the trash. It’s no big deal, I said.

She stood in front of me and held my face steady while she examined her work. When she was done, she took the candle from her nightstand—the rose-scented one that she had been burning that day we both called in sick and sprawled in her bed, exhausted from our all-afternoon fuck fest. She lit the wick and plunked the candle into the new dry cavity of my head. The flame warmed me, but got hot quick. A stream of waxy smoke drifted from my eye cuts. She stood back and looked at me.

That’s pretty good, she said. But, hmm, I’d better fix the left eye.

She stuck the knife in there and cleaned up a rough edge. That’s much better, she said.

I stood. I felt dizzy. I was a new man with a new mouth and new nose and new eyes. I was Cindy’s man. I brushed the stringy pulp from my legs. She took the towels outside and shook them from her porch, and orange blobs shot off into the neighbor’s yard.

I looked in the mirror. Oh, Jesus, I said. She had gouged me good. I felt suddenly hollow and terrible. She had changed my eyes and nose to triangles. She had given me a jagged toothy mouth. I knew this was going to be trouble with my wife. Still, I almost didn’t care. I just needed to kiss Cindy in the worst sort of way. I pursed my lips, but because of the asymmetrical cut she had made, I was having a hard time putting them together. I reached for her waist. I needed to pull off her pinks. I needed to slip past the elastic and the little fabric tie that held her clothes together. I needed to yank everything off her and love every part of her smooth hilly body with every part of mine. For a second, she let me rest my hand on her breast. Then she shoved it away.

We can’t do that anymore, she said.

I pushed my mouth against her cheek and tried to kiss her.

I can’t kiss you either, she said. I’m sorry, but there’s a hundred reasons why I can’t.

That’s not fair, I said. It was weird hearing my voice. It sounded strangely dry and slurred. The new cut of my mouth made everything come out wrong.

She laughed at me and shook her head. I wanted to slap her and kiss her, then slap her again, but she turned away. She was looking over my shoulder at her computer.

Sorry, she said. I just can’t.

Her control was sudden and astonishing. How could she just stop? I didn’t know what to do. I should be kissing her. That’s what we do together. That’s what we’ve done since the day I stayed late, painting her place, and she invited me in for a beer. Finally I said, Do you really think I look OK?

Better, she said. Authentic, at least.

You won’t kiss me, really? I pleaded.

Jeez, she said. Do I have to spell it out for you. I can’t anymore. It’s not fair to me. Now I really don’t want to talk about it.

God damn, I said, God damn, God damn. Fuck. I wish you could have told me before I let you cut me all up. I would have just gone to my barber. Now look at me. You cored me. What am I going to tell my wife? You gave me fucking triangle eyes!

You look better, she said.

Yeah, right! I stormed out of her house and off her porch. I got in my car and I drove and drove, feeling terrible, not thinking, ripping around the neighborhood. Then I turned onto I-75 and was immediately stuck in traffic. At first I thought it was due to some accident, but then I realized it was something very different.

Cars had pulled over and all sorts of people were just wandering between the vehicles, walking the white lines, and then bending over and scooping stuff up, even combing through the grass and half-dead landscaping of the embankment. It was a very weird scene. No one was going anywhere, and then I realized why. A hundred dollar bill hit my windshield, then blew past me. My God, a hundred! I rolled down my window and glanced out. There it was, just wedged under my back tire. I opened my door and un-crinked my body and reached for the bill, but then a man in greasy blue coveralls grabbed it. We glanced at each other.

Holy Jesus, he said, and he walked quickly away.

What a fucked-up day, I said. I got back in my car and watched the people weaving feverishly between vehicles, scanning the pavement. Traffic wasn’t going to be moving anytime soon, so I edged my car onto the shoulder of the highway.

As I opened my door, the wind cut through the holes in my face. It felt cool and foreign on the inner walls of my head. It sharpened the day and swiftly blew the flame off Cindy’s candle. I walked up the hill. All those people, some still in their cars, all were looking at me but pretending not to. A helicopter was hovering above the scene, cutting up the air, filming us for one TV station or another. I could feel its camera on me. I was embarrassed and disappointed in myself and in Cindy too.

Then just before I reached the bridge, I saw a hundred stuck in a scrubby bush. I folded it up and put it in my pocket. I thought of Cindy first. I wanted to go straight to her house. I wanted to tell her the good news about the money. I wanted to spend it all as quickly as possible. I called her.

I can’t talk now, she said.

I told her about the hundred.

Look, I’m in a dinner meeting with my boss.

What dinner meeting? I said.

Yeah, I can’t talk now. Call me tomorrow or something.

That’s when I realized what was up. Of course she didn’t want to see me later or probably ever again. She didn’t even care about what a dumb carving job she did on me. She was probably just glad to have me out of her house.

I walked past a closed factory at the edge of the city. Just months ago it was a mess of activity—trucks blocked the road, little carts zipped people from one end of the complex to the other. Now the place was empty except for a security guard sleeping in his pickup. I ended up stopping at Kelly’s Bar. The place used to be full of factory workers. Now there was a For Sale sign in the high window over the entrance.

At the far end of the bar, the only patron, an old man with almost no teeth, glanced at me, then turned his attention back to the TV. They were having a Breaking News Alert. Apparently an armored truck had lost a big sack of money on the highway. Its rear door had busted open and the money bag flipped out and one car hit it and then another and bills flew and swirled. The newsman described it: In a desperate neighborhood pounded by recession and factory closings, this scene is one of gleeful chaos. He went on to say that the armored truck company had released a statement saying that anyone who returned the cash wouldn’t be prosecuted. They showed an aerial shot of the scene, and zeroed in on one man grabbing and stuffing money in his pocket.

Lucky fucking day, the old man said.

The bartender shook his head. We could sure use some of that cash right now.

I spread my hundred on the counter.

The bartender looked at me. How about that? He laughed. What are you drinking, my friend?

A shot of Jezy and a beer, I said. Make it a round of shots for all of us.

Alright, he said, and he grabbed me a High Life and popped the top and set three glasses on the bar and poured three very friendly shots.

I swore off this stuff months ago, he said. Can’t seem to quit drinking it though. He smiled.

We raised our glasses together and clinked. Skal, na zdrowie, cheers! Their eyes looked as red as mine felt.

Let’s do that again, I said.

The bartender nodded. He poured three more shots.

I took the lid from my head and pulled out Cindy’s candle and