I Wish I Was a Cowboy

Title Page

I Wish I Was a Cowboy

Wayne Simmes

Copyright 2015

Smashwords Edition

I Wish I Was a Cowboy

Part One

Chapter One – One Door Closes

William Anderson knew he was dying.  It was not because of the pain but rather the lack thereof.  For the past five years, there had never been a day when he was absent of pain.  Oh, in the beginning, the drugs had worked fairly well but as time progressed and as cancer spread no amount of pain medication could dampen it enough so that he was comfortable.  But today he had awoken and the pain was gone.  He knew that was his body’s way of telling him that it had had enough and that it was ready to shut down.

He was not a man afraid of death.  He had reconciled a long time ago that death was just the end of the natural order of things.  He did not believe that he was going to heaven or the opposite place.  He was reasonably sure that there was no God, loving or otherwise as he had seen proof of God’s absence throughout his life.

He thought back to just a few days ago when his ex-wife had come for a final visit.  She was determined that in his last and final days that she could convince him to make a reconciliation with the God she so loved and adored.  It was her belief in God and his lack of belief that had led them to the divorce court, but now she was sure that she could change Will’s mind.  After all had she not heard the old saying, there are no atheists in foxholes, many times?  When a man or a woman came face to face with the reality of final judgment most if not all decide to reconcile with their maker.  And she was positive that Will would be no different.

And so she had come to call and she brought her minister as a backup.  Surely Will would listen to a man of the cloth if not to her.

As she entered the room and saw the man she had lived with for more than half of her life she felt a rush of empathy for him.  She could tell he was near his final breath and she went to his bedside and took his hand in hers.

You know I still love you, Will?

I have never doubted that for a minute, Amy?  I just wished we could have worked out our differences in the past.  Now I am afraid that it is too late.

Will it is never too late to make amends.  I brought Reverend Williams with me today to help you to make amends with God.

Amy I thought we were talking about you and me.  You know I have no faith in a higher power.  And while Mr. Williams is welcome in my house, I certainly do not want him trying to convert me to a religion that I find to be hypocritical.

Will, why do you have to be so stubborn?  Surely you have to realize that there is a loving God that created all things.

Where was your loving God hiding while millions of people died of AIDS?  Was their suffering a sign of his love?

Reverend Williams stepped forward and took Will’s other hand.  We do not know everything about God’s ways.  Perhaps there is a greater reason for those people’s suffering. Perhaps it is God’s way of telling them to repent from their wicked ways.

So your loving God was so vindictive that he not only allowed a new and terrible disease to be created by some man-made organization but he used it to punish millions of people? And before you go any further and try to convince me that all those people were sinners, please remember that a great many of the victims were children.  Many of those contracted AIDS in their mother’s wombs.  And how about all the Jews that Hitler gassed during the Second World War?  Why did God allow that to happen?  Why did he not step in and protect those people?

Will, all people are God’s children.  Which ones do you think he should destroy?

It seems pretty clear to me that the Nazis were the evil ones.  If there was a God, he should have put a stop to those maniacs.

And so the argument had waged.  No one made any real headway as both sides were firmly entrenched in their positions. And finally, Amy had thrown up her hands in a gesture of defeat and had pronounced that Will was going straight to hell unless he repented at the last hour. 

Well, the last hour, or nearly so, was upon him and Will had no thoughts of repentance.  Sure he knew that he had not led a perfect life.  He had told his share of lies, either to avoid some unpleasantness or to spare the feelings of others.  He chuckled as he thought of how many poorly cooked meals he had eaten just to avoid telling Amy that she might need some instruction in the culinary arts.  But by and large, Will figured he had dealt fairly with his fellow man.  And he had gone out of his way to help others whenever he could.  So even if he was wrong about the existence of God, which he was sure he was not, he was sure he was not destined for a life of eternal torment.

Normally he had instructed those in charge of his care to leave the lights on.  He had no trouble sleeping in a lit room and he figured he would spend enough time in darkness later.  But tonight he wanted to fade away with the light.  And as dusk settled across the room he let his mind wander to his happy place.  A place of open ranges, of lowing cattle and loyal horses.  He had always loved the idea of being a cowboy; he had just been born about a hundred years too late.

And as the last vestiges of light left the room it left his eyes for the last time as well.  Will Anderson no longer existed.

Chapter Two - A New Beginning

Few of us have ever known total darkness unless, of course, we are completely blind.  Almost everywhere we are there is some degree of light. Perhaps it is in the form of the moon or stars, or perhaps a street light shining through a window, or the never-ending incessant glow of LEDs from clocks, radios, cable boxes, or digital recorders. 

So when Will awoke to total and complete darkness he was surprised.  He checked to his right to where his bedside clock should be but it was not there.  He looked to his left where the display from his cable box should be but it too was missing.  He reached for the button that was constantly by his hand to call for the nurse but no button was to be found.

Now he started to become alarmed.  Where exactly was he?  Something heavy was across his arms and body.  Certainly, it was too heavy to be his comforter and sheets.  He had become used to the lack of movement but he finally tried to throw off whatever was covering him.  It was heavy but was not difficult to move once he found the edge. 

Once his arms were free he reached out to try and determine where he was.  He quickly realized that he was not in his bed or any bed because his arms were level with a hard cold surface.  He must be laying on some kind of rock or cement surface and he began to wonder if he had not been placed in some kind of burial crypt.  If so they must have mistaken him for being dead and buried him alive.  But that did not make sense to him because he had no such crypt nor did he know of anyone in his family that did.

Finally realizing that he could not see even a few feet away from him, he tried to hone in on his other senses.  The first thing he noticed was that it was very cold where he was and he reached for the edge of what had been covering him and pulled it closer to his body.  He then tried to listen for some sound that might be around him and he was surprised to note that somewhere close there was a dripping sound like water falling but not quite like a leaky faucet. 

His next effort was to try and smell what might be in his immediate surroundings.  He took several large intakes of breath.  There was an odor that was vaguely familiar to him, one that he should easily recognize from somewhere in his past.  It was not an unpleasant odor although it was somewhat musky.  He now suspected that perhaps he was not alone.  That somewhere close by there was an animal of some kind.  And so he suspected that instead of being in a crypt perhaps he was in some kind of cave. 

That thought was almost as frightening as being buried alive because of what kind of animals live in caves.  The first thought was that bears live in caves.  He had never been close to a bear so he could not tell if the odor he detected could be from such an animal or not.  But the smell was far too familiar for that.

He thought back to his childhood days on a farm in Western, New York State, and the odors that he remembered from those days.  It surely was not cattle.  They had a much ranker smell.  And then it hit him.  What he smelled was the odor of a horse.  But what in the name of the great horned ghost would a horse be doing in a cave and with him no doubt?

This had to be some kind of dream although not an unpleasant one so he curled back under his warm covering and allowed his mind to rest.  How much time elapsed he had no way of knowing.  But at some point, he heard what he knew was a horse nickering and he rolled from under what he could now see to be some kind of animal hide.  There was a faint light that illuminated his surroundings enough to be able to tell that he was in fact inside a cave of some kind.  And he could see the outline of a horse not too far from where he lay.  He rolled completely out from under the hide and surveyed what he could see of his body.  He certainly was not dressed in pajamas as he had been for the last several months.  Instead, he had a checkered heavy shirt and blue jeans and on his feet were pointed boots. 

Wow, this is a great dream, he thought.  I always wanted to be a cowboy and here I am right down to the cowboy boots and horse.

He then saw that the light was rapidly increasing.  He could now clearly see his surroundings and was surprised to note that next to where he lay was a holstered handgun and against the wall of the cave nearly within his reach was a rifle.  And even more surprising was the fact that he recognized both weapons as guns that he had owned in the past.  He could also see the horse now and