Solo Parenting: Going It Alone While Not Going Nuts

Solo Parenting; Going It Alone Without Going Nuts

c. 2021 ISBN# 978-1-987858-33-4 Digital Edition 2.11 September 2024

For Parents In Need of Discretion "Craft Organizational Theory.'

Written and artworked by Old Dad

Published, Promoted and Managed by Creative Parenting creativeparenting@pacificwest.com

IG, Dailymotion and Threads: @olddadanewtricks

EBooks Free and Otherwise https://books2read.com/rl/dadding101

Our Fav titles:

Fast Snacks: Done Dirt Cheap

Everything is Foreplay

The Grand Unified Theory of Pasta

The Utter Burk's Guide To Post Partum

How Not To F' It Up Butter Cup. The ABC's of Kid Injuries

Parental Anxiety: Owning That Shite And Making It Work For You

Washboard Habs. The New Dad Laundry Tip Sheet

Plus many more titles…

No text, excerpt or image shall be reproduced in whole or part without the expressed written permission of the author, illustrator and the publisher. The authors and publishing company received no payment or endorsement for items mentioned in this book. Our books are no be-all-and-end-all of parenting, so they will be updated from time to time at no cost. Build your own wisdom, create parenting community. You never know what tricks you might learn.

Allergy Alert! When milk, cheese or butter is listed in a recipe; do not assume it is animal based. Use your favourite household dairy or non-dairy. Your kitchen, your choice. Each product has unique reactions to heat and impact on taste and texture. So experiment! Talk with your kids about the recipes and create your own.

The Fastest Way To Win

Straight up: if meals/kitchen/food are you biggest pains and drains, skip forward to the Fast Snacks section. Kids have small stomachs. So think quick tapas, charcuterie boards and snacky items.  Think a couple slices of apples, cheese, nuts, olives, a pickle and a bit of honey. That is five minutes in the kitchen, no pots. Restaurants make a lot of money off of that fast turnaround.

With tapas, you do significantly less work and they get more of what they need. Snacky meals also cover all the nutrition bases faster. You also get to brag to your parent peers that your little ones eat deconstructed salad every day.

Running A Lovingly Boring House

This book is sectioned into providing the cornerstones of a lovingly boring household;

- an emotionally honest safe place,

- a place to freely rest and recover,

- room for a kid to grow into their own best selves.

Many kids who grew up in difficult households talk about the simple things that got them through; a good meal, a safe place to sleep, a warm hug ( when they wanted it ) and having one drama-free adult who actually listened. This book works with those 'simple' things to help you be the best parent you can be, even during really f'in trying times. Sharing shortcuts to save your precious energy, money and time. This book cannot deliver miracles but it builds a pathway to bigger longterm victories. Where many crisises basically gets solved in three minutes and you all celebrate with ice cream.

After all, we walk step-by-step, not in big exhausting jumps.

Keep it simple.

Keep it straightforward.

Keep it moving forward.

‘Let the kids be your guide.’

Kids will tell you what they need ( or at least show you when they do not have the words ;-)

Kiddo wisely once said I want to be the best of Mom and Dad.

Sometimes they do not have the words or the complex neural connections to sort out what they need. They will melt. Provide the words for them until they can speak them, then be that one adult who listens. The more you offer a simple self care routine, the easier and easier your parenting will be in the long run.

Simple connection routine when kids melt:

- make eye contact, keep your voice low and level

- offer water,

- quietly do a body scan,

- offer a snack,

- offer to get them somewhere quieter, cooler, more familiar or safer like in your arms,

- unless it is an immediate medical need; ask only questions, even if you know the answers to lead them to asking for what they need,

- affirm their need and tell them what you are going to do, even if the answer is no,

- propose a solution you think is better. For example instead of sugar hit, propose a snack, then there can be a fun dessert.

Do this.

Do it every time.

Do it your way.

So kids know you are there for them.

This book is going to focus on shortcuts so you can provide core kid needs without draining all your valuable energy, time and money. We are going to cover;

'No Shame, No Blame' 5

'I will always tell you the truth but ...' 6

Self Care 5

Emotional First Aid Routine 4

The ABC's of First Aid 5

Fast Snacks Done Dirt Cheap 6

Laundry Hacks 7

Cheap Activities for Kids 8

Dossier

Acknowledgements 22

Biography 23

Bibliography 24

'No Shame, No Blame, Only Game'

Our household mantra.

That started with a small house fire.

Kiddo sprayed water on a light bulb at bath time. The bulb shattered and started a small fire. I turned to her and she looked terrified, not of the fire, but of me yelling. The fear in her eyes and body language was intense. Instead of yelling, I firmly told her to stay safe in the bath because of broken glass. Then I asked her what we should do. She yelled 'stop the fire' and I told her she was right. I put my hand on the light switch and asked my next question; 'doesn't water put out fires?' Kiddo paused and shouted no. She had seen my hand on the light switch and told me to turn it off first. Another good suggestion. Kids see more than we ever suspect ;-)

The switch went off and so did the small fire. We talked through a whole safety and repair. It turned into an excellent safety lesson on repair, electricity and using a potato to get a broken lightbulb out. I asked her why she was so afraid over ice cream. She said she was terrified of being blamed. So I asked her; 'Does blame put out the fire?' and 'Does blame even matter if we have fixed the problem?'

Now anytime things happen we skip the blame and head right to fixing things ( and the post fixing ice cream ;-) 'No shame, no blame, only game.' Kiddo tells me that when I stray from the path of predictability. It keeps me connected to my worst and greatest parenting moments.

'I will always tell you the truth,

just not the whole truth.'

General Schwarzkopf

Meltdowns are Melted Connections

Ever notice how kids have zero concept of the passage of time? Or of others having different thoughts? Or that the dinosaur zoo was damn cool?

Blame the frontal lobes, or the lack of them. Early kid brain development is focused on connecting ith their body and making it move. You can watch babies literally wire their neural network while trying to pick up toys with those cute chubby hands.

You help them wire by leading by example. Kids watch everything, that is how they learn.

When kids need you, they will signal you. Most of the time they do not have the words or the knowledge to know what is up, so they melt.

Otherwise let them mess up safely to gain experience. Encourage them to fail and try again. Wisdom only comes from learning from your mistakes, and of those, we have all had many ( paraphrasing Mark Twain this time  ;-)

Be strategic with your valuable energy to get the big parenting wins. Whether solo parenting for night, a week, half time or for the rest of time; this book offers cheats to get your parenting zen on. These tips prioritize saving you money, time, sanity, energy and letting your kids f’ up in a supported way.  The injustices your kids are screaming about not getting a toy NOW are not the injustices they will conquer later in life.

Be Strategically Lazy

Calmly look at what life throws at you and count to three before even bothering to venture a guess. Odds are a good idea will pop into your head by the ten second mark or the problem will just solve itself. What have you done ? Nothing, except make eye and ear contact with your kid ( or partner, hint, hint ) and count.

Know your parenting style and know how to dial it back. Yes, it will be mighty hard some days but let kids be kids. Be there for your kids when they need your guiding hand. Things like crossing the street, meals, learning to treat themselves right and holding their hand to take baby steps into the big wide world.

If you do not know the answer, excitedly treat it as an opportunity to learn something new. You can all learn, adapt, plan, replan, throw the whole plan out, start over then watch to see if it solves itself anyways. After all that careful consideration, you can also decide it is just easier to let kids figure out the small things for themselves. The best part of being strategically lazy is that kids become more self sufficient later in life, thereby making you appear a genius parent and letting you enjoy retirement in peace.

Caring For Yourself First

Kids are keen observers with a sharp sense of justice. After all, why should they do that thing you demand they do, if you never do it yourself, perhaps like saying please and thank you ?

If you are a shite sleeper who reads their phone in bed, how do you expect your kids to learn better ? Caring for yourself doesn't mean spoiling yourself rotten with man toys and trips that result in paying babysitters. Kids do not see the adventure, they only see that you are not there. The more they are left alone, the more they will act out to get your attention.

Be An Example for Your Kids

Kids learn fastest by watching an imitation. So if you ever need motivation to build a better self care routine ...

Always NEED a nap or coffee to make it ?

Find yourself bouncing from high to big lows and the crash just gets bigger ?

Odds are very good your instincts for self care are right. Think about sitting in the same spot breathing the same air and dehydrating. Is it the coffee, or is it really you standing up and walking to the cafe for a coffee ? The walk gets you fresh air, gets your heart pumping, social contact and some hydration. What if you just told everyone you were going for a coffee but did the walk instead ?

Make notes on your wins and build a response ladder that becomes your go to before things like sugar, coffee, alcohol, social media or porn.

For example when you feel tired instead of going for a coffee or lying down for a nap;

Water Break and a Slow Down

Fresh Air or Stand Up and Move

Neck and Shoulder Stretch

Protein Snack

Go For A Walk

Say hi to someone or message a friend !

Napping and coffee, especially after 3pm will impact your sleep and set off unwanted impacts on your sleep.

Want kids to learn good habits without nagging them to death?

Then do it, day in and day out for yourself. Make a big production out of brushing your teeth, wash your face with a silly song at bedtime. Build healthy happy routines and they will show up at your side, eventually.

Want kids gravitating less to videos and playing more?

Pull out the lego box and start playing right in front of them. Build something fun because kids really cannot resist messing with adult's fun! Buy video games that require teams and can't be played alone. Play cards so that you are eye level and playing in the real world while sliding in some math! Kids under 8 only see adult knees and bums all day. Imagine how annoying that must be farty pants.

Want calmer kids?

When accidents happen, have the same boring nonsense response like; ‘Fall down go boom.’ That gives you time to count to three, check out if the kid is okay and edit your actual verbal response. Ours oopsy saying is; 'No Shame, No Blame, Only Game.' Which means that instead of blaming or getting angry, we get to fixing things. So instead of drama, it is actually time to learn something,