The Wanderer in the Valley of Vision: And Other Writings

The Wanderer

in the

Valley of Vision

and other writings

Christian Clingman

Copyright © 2016 Christian Clingman.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-3398-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-3400-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-3399-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016903907

WestBow Press rev. date: 05/31/2016

Contents

Author’s Note

Prologue- The Final Word

1.   A Vain Spiritual Battle

2.   Struggle has come- A Prayer & a Cry (Part 1)

3.   Come forth as Gold— Hidden Treasure (Part 2)

4.   Seeking for His Throne of Grace- A Poem & a Cry

5.   I Hear God’s Silence

6.   Love has broken these chains

7.   Forget not His past Testimonies

8.   Ancient Beauty

9.   My letter to my Companions

10.   The Wanderer in the Valley of Vision

Course 1~ My purpose and introduction

Course 2~ What Tomorrow Holds

Course 3~ The Wife of My Youth

Course 4; Final Course~ The Shadows of this Valley

11.   God’s Play & Man’s Stage

12.   The Sinner’s Call

13.   New friendship redeemed

14.   Precious Jewel

15.   The Children’s Call

16.   A Morning Prayer

17.   I will pray towards Your holy temple

18.   I cry for Your Cleansing and Protection

19.   Leaves of September

20.   My Future Dear~ Thoughts at an empty table

21.   My Future Dear~ The Smile of Peaceful Love

22.   My Future Dear~ A Letter to the Wife of my Youth

23.   My Future Dear seems so far away…Father, will You help me?

24.   My Future Dear~ A vision of the wife of my youth

25.   My Future Dear Family~ A Prayer for Nehemiah and my Future Dear

1- Prayer of prayers

2- A Prayer for Nehemiah, my Future Son

3- A Prayer for my Future Dear

26.   The death of an evil Kiss

27.   Forgive Us our Trespasses

28.   The Giver

29.   Treasures of Joy

30.   I look to the Horizon

Prelude- The Storm

Part 1~ From Child to Father

Part 2~ Face to face with the Father

Part 3~ His blessing is our Deliverance and Endurance

Part 4~ When we meet again

Final Part~ Committing love to the Lover of our souls

31.   To God we Cry

32.   A Song to Hurting and Healing Mothers

33.   When the autumn tree looses its leaves

34.   God will Provide

35.   Warriors of Old

36.   We are His Delight

37.   Trust in the Lord

38.   Weaknesses and Blessings

39.   Praise Him by the Power of Confession

40.   Divorce of the Flesh and a Longing for the Savior

41.   Will You mount me up with wings like eagles?

42.   The Horn

43.   When I sleep, I will awake

44.   Blessed Hands that lie Unseen

45.   Lovely Eyes

46.   Trust in the Healer

47.   A Cry for Humility

48.   A Cry for Wisdom

49.   Winter’s Light

50.   Prayers and Confessions of Young-Heart

51.   Nightmare, or Test

52.   The Lies of the Darkness ~Part 1

53.   The Everlasting, Faithful Assurance in the Light of Truth ~Part 2

54.   The Drive of Man

55.   Sights, sounds, smells, and a beautiful mask

56.   Anchor of Faith

57.   Destruction lies…

58.   The Yoke of Youth

59.   The Wanderer will find Your place

60.   The Son of the Trees & The King of the Valley

Course 1~ The mysterious hunger in my soul’s heart

Course 2~ Waters of the night

Course 3~ Interlude; Darkness & Despair, my only friends; Save me!

Final Course~ The Dawn

61.   Lullaby to Leah

62.   Song for Stephen

63.   I am Your Instrument

64.   So I journey

65.   The Seed Within

66.   Trust in Him to live in the Present

67.   Thine be the glory all to thee

68.   I called on Your name, O Lord

69.   Morning Has Broken

70.   Whisperings in the Chambers of the Soul ~ Lullabies of His Promise

71.   Looking Back & Looking Forward…; this Christmas Eve

72.   A Prayer for my Single Brothers & Sisters

73.   The Artist and the Folly of Man

74.   May Beauty point me to You

75.   To Grandma and God…My love and thanks

76.   The Seasons of Life

77.   Hophni and Phineas

78.   A Cry for Mercy

79.   Who we are because of You (A Christmas poem)

80.   The Shepherd is not Silent

81.   The Warrior’s Call

82.   Prayer of Thanksgiving

83.   Your Circumstance; His Faithfulness

84.   God will Reveal

85.   My Dawn Arises

86.   Winter Stillness & Spring’s Delight

87.   The Weak Cry; May it Grow Stronger

88.   The Artist Draws Us Together

89.   A Prayer against the Flesh

90.   This is not my mark

91.   Imagined Heroes; or Vessels of His Grace

92.   Fellowship Alone- Poetic Letters to my Father

93.   Without You

94.   Letter to my Teenage Son

95.   The Whisper speaks louder than the wind, the fire, and the trembling of the earth

Acknowledgements

Endnotes- Bible Citations

About the Author

Author’s Note

When it is presumed that an author will write up a note for his/her readers, sometimes the author is at a lost of what to say. Especially first-time authors. I don’t know what more to tell my readers than has already been said in this book. Part of me wonders if perhaps my writing this book over the course of four years has drawn up a lot of superfluous works that would have more impact if said simply and more compacted.

Sometimes I don’t know whether to call it my work because much of it is inspired from the Psalms of the Bible. I will take credit for whatever mistaken or erring theology you may find in here; though I have written with conviction and to the best of my ability to see that God is glorified and is represented well. Whatever good you find in here and are blessed by what I’ve specifically written, I give praise and credit to our Heavenly Father who gives good gifts to His children. My goal and my prayer is that reading some of these works will inspire you; from your individual days to the very core purpose of your life.

Brother, sister in Christ or unbeliever, may this imperfect book, encourage, inspire, and draw you in your walk after the Savior and the Heavenly Father. Whether you’re a kid or a young adult like me, we all can relate. We have had times when we felt like we were alone and wandering aimlessly through this life. This is not to say that we do not know our God or can never know His will for us. His Word is our anchor and assurance; the foundation on which we stand. Yet even if you or I were sure where we’re headed, the fact is you are guided and led by God’s unseen hand, carried by His unseen Spirit, and loved by the unseen Savior whom He sent in love to you. You are like a leaf being carried by the wind, and only God knows where you will land. And that mysterious feeling and place can sometimes be uncomfortable and scary.

When I use the phrase wanderer, I’m appealing to how we as His children sometimes feel. And it is a natural feeling; especially when faith is involved. Abraham wandered throughout his life without seeing the fulfillment of God’s promise to him, though it was fulfilled in his succeeding generations. The children of Israel wandered in the wilderness (because of disobedience) for forty years before inheriting the land they were supposed to have had appreciation and faith to subdue. David wandered in the wilderness (as shepherd and fugitive) before he inherited the kingship.

These are just a few examples of God’s people who had their times of wilderness and wandering. It is times like these that we wonder what the Lord is doing or has planned for us. I hope that me sharing my heart and the times I have felt like a wanderer myself, will bring you encouragement by the truth that you are not alone and that you are not walking this path, alone. Honestly, the feeling of wanderer stills stays with me a lot and yet the feeling is eased by the Biblical truth (and that I have tried to expound in this book) that God never leaves, that He is Sovereign, and that He always guides us. The time of wandering and living seems long. May these writings be a beacon of hope that points you back to the Father and His Word. May you be blessed and God be glorified. Amen.

Christian Clingman

January 28, 2016

Prologue

The Final Word~ When it’s all been said and done

"Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom

Nor the mighty man his might

Let not the rich man glory in his riches

Nor the writer in how much he writes

But let him who glories glory in this

That he understands and knows Me

That I am the Lord

Exercising lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness

For in these I delight," says the Lord

You, Lord, are my strength and my song

And have become my salvation

This day I set up two monuments

And set my heart and plans aright

Ebenezer and Jehovah-Jireh

Thus far You have brought me

And the Lord shall provide

Continue to make me a living testimony of Your Word

And to be a humble, faithful doer of the righteousness I’ve heard

Keep me from stumbling and cause me to see

Your goodness in the land of the living

I was brought low

And You saved me

I’ll return to my rest

For You have dealt bountifully

The mere twenty years You have brought me through

Are shadows and mists of a moment

In the light of Eternity

Yet great You have shown Yourself: Faithful and True

And Your Wanderer and Sheep

You guide and lead

You never forsook but led me on and on

And through my doubts and trials

Afterward placed on my lips Your song

I am imperfect but Your Grace perfects me

And makes me better in Your Spirit’s fire

May the words which You have sung through me and gave

Not return back to You empty

May You be glorified and lost men and women be saved

As long as this sun is living

The Wanderer

in the

Valley of Vision

A Vain Spiritual Battle

I’m always under a spiritual battle

My mind tires of this

My heart, my enemy babels

When naught; my life is bliss

Vain prayers I pray

No practice do I do

Confessions of desire I say

But my actions are few

Things are easier said, than done

Words, more than action

Desires become dead to what hasn’t been won

My honor diminishes by sin’s subtraction

Twisted thoughts I also think

And twisted words I say

Where flattery and gossip bring me to the brink

Pride falls, and humiliation pays

I am a man of double character

I am a man of divided mind

In secret I grow hauteur

Yet display my helplessness in deeds outside

One can act one way before his parents

Another before his friends

One’s good character exists, and then remains absent

Their attempted stair to humility then comes to an end

A vain spiritual life I live

My vision is my vanity

I feign before others for what they can give

In truth, I’m independent when a part of some coterie

I desire humility

And yet I put forth pain

Grant me sight so I can see

Yet trust and worth I have not gained

I implore before my family

I confess before my friends

I cry out for grace, to my God

But all is naught in the end

Cursed, not blessed

For what my life needs most

My filthy inner-self haunts me like a pest

For I remain passive, and privately boast

Mark me well, and guard yourself

And a wary eye, keep watch

I am cunning and twisted, an invisible plague to your health

For traitor am I, vain battles I’ve fought

Selah

Do you pity this person

This worm who looks beautiful?

Is he truly safe and fun?

A blanket in progress, spun from wool?

You pity him, that you do

But his secret darkness, scorns your pity

This may drive him to desire, but his actions are few

You would have better chance in conquering a city

He has lied to everyone

He has wronged even you

You have no perception of what he has become

A vain life he leads

A vice-versa life he lives

Two-fold in every way

He desires, but does not act; he acts but does not desire

He fights vain spiritual battles each day

He humbles and confesses his desire before one

And acts one way before another

He pretends to be the loving brother

Yet is truly the hateful disobedient son

Every prayer he prays

Every noble desire he desires

Exacts on him the penalty that he must pay

Vanity and hypocrisy burn wild in his heart

He does not do what he yearns for

And what he does, he does not desire

Slavery, not free-will, are his in this war

His heart is half-stone half-flesh

The whole was left at sin’s pyre

Stay away from this vain man

For his paths are crooked

Silence him if you can

For he is vain, cunning, and twisted

Selah

For one moment, when I write this

I feel repentance and a longing in my heart

At the blink of an eye, my salvation perishes

Oh, that I could be to you, a part

Watch yourself now! For it may be gone in a moment!

My warning to reveal a danger, may yet conceal death’s instrument

Continue no further with me

For my embrace may lead to a poisoned dart

I am cursed, yet cunning in this age

I am vain, a wanderer by heart

Selah

"Lord, help me to be not this any longer

For my pride, skills, and plays in disguise, grow ever stronger

Only You know what may happen in the next few moments

Only You can renew what has been made broken

The smile on my face

May yet conceal shards of knives

The hunger for humility and obedience I feel

May yet turn out to scorn Your grace

I am twisted, yet needy

Weaved and interwoven into the pride of hate

Self-deception are my light for seeing

Something contrary to what You have made

Bless me, Lord; for I am a sinner

I have need of Your grace

My outside is primary, I blind myself to the inner

Take not Thy presence or Your shining face

I ask not that You smile at my sins

But rather look upon me, a sinner

Loose the hound of Heaven

And Your sanctifying work, begin

May not these words be said in vanity

Let me not continue one more moment

May not my younger days be lived in futility

My soul, and what is left, is open"

Selah

Unworthy am I

For I have squandered time

No good within me grows

My world, beneath, remains my love

Not treasured in Heaven above

I’ve forged chains too strong to break

My habits grown from sapling to towering tree

In stench and filthiness I daily rake

Instead of eternal blessings and life to dwell and see

I have sunk too far to understand

I am twisted beyond recognition

I’ve been a thorn in many lands

From the thoughtlessness of my decisions

I have spurned wisdom

And thus cannot understand mystery

The mystery of who I am and what I have become

My recent, past history

How can I hope to accomplish

The victory I have sought

I have built my life on ice and sand

A vain spiritual battle, I’ve fought

Salvation I know not

For I’m twisted as can be

No pity or grace can be brought

For a wicked man as me

Watch yourselves carefully

Take heed to what’s been said

This all may be false humility

My words may be misled

Selah

It is easy to be happy and squandering

When times of sorrow and trial are gone

To ignore quiet thinking and ponderings

While yet danger and soul remain in bond

If my life’s in ever danger

And Satan haunts my every step

My life overflowing in wickedness and anger

A half-heart and rebellion in every breath

So whatever I do, I do in vain

Whether in laziness or striving

My life to me and all has become a bane

For too long has my heart been conniving

If only one knew

The times of faithfulness

The twisted thoughts I think

And the few of purity and bless

Indeed, I fight a vain spiritual battle

To my hurt and pain as well as every life

In desperation for truth, I grapple

Yet a kin to every strife

I cast a shadow o’er myself

While asking for the sun

I ask for grace, purity, and spiritual health

When ignoring my life is done

He expects to defeat the enemy

When he wounds and inflicts himself

Expecting to be able to love and care for others

When none of these he has felt

How can he regard his neighbor’s life

When he has disregard for his own?

How can he be honoring among friends

When he has not in his own home?

He lives a vain life, I tell you

A vain life on earth

Better had he been blessed with few

Than to squander so many since birth

His life is easy for him

A twisted life he lives

An illusion is his only vision

Perfect for the age he’s in

Selah

"Oh Lord, remove the cornerstone of my edifice

And it will all come crashing down

Put an end to this ignorance seemingly bliss

May my perfect stone be crushed and ground

Save me from pride, oh Lord

Save me from self-deceit

Lest my life triumphing

Be destined for eternal defeat

Is it too late, Lord? Is it too late?

For I to receive Your mercies great?

Oh, I have despised instruction

Justifying joy for my destruction

I mean not be self-piteous

But what I speak is true

I’ve trampled salvation in the dust

My good deeds are few

If there’s any hope or ray of light

For me to raise my head

When I pray, let grace grow bright

And bring me back to the fold from which I left

I hesitate to raise my eyes

Yet I dare not look back

I wish to go forward to all glorious that lies

Than to pure and eternal things lacking

Selah

I do not want to live a vain spiritual life

That glories itself to the end

Away with the hardness and strife

Your mercy and steadfast grace, send

I fight a vain battle for my King

Grasping red-hot weapons of this world

Fighting, when not accomplishing

My honor, away, I’ve hurled

Speak to me, Lord Speak to me now

Work a great work within me

With discernment and servant-hood on my head, crown

Your face and Thy revelation let me see

Create in me a clean heart, oh God

And renew a right spirit of faithfulness within me

May I walk with sincerity on this narrow path’s sod

Take away my transgression; and in oblivion, leave

This is my small hope in You

My years of producing have been few

I pray that this is not another self-deception my heart and mind babbles

I surrender this vain spiritual battle

Struggle has come- A Prayer & a Cry (Part 1)

Help me to trust in You, Father

For the struggle has come

May I not lean on my own understanding

Thy will be done

The struggle has come, Father

May I not lose heart

Lord, may I love You more

Keep my devotion, sharp!

The struggle has come, Father

You said that I should cry out to You

You assured me that I would be saved

If I only trust in You and Your salvation

I ask for Your peace

To wipe my fears and pride away

Pour out Your anointing

And apply the balm of Your loving grace

Help me to walk by unwavering faith

And not be led by what my eyes see

I will cling to Your promises and ways

And not be turned by jealousy or greed

Father, I am weak

So I will trust in Your Name

Your face I will seek

Sufficient for me is Your grace

I wish that I were in power

For the struggle that comes this hour

But You will perfect Your strength in me

To end my fears and Satan’s lies

Using the foolish to confound the wise

I long for You to fulfill my desire

So I will put my trust in You

Kindle in me Your Loving Fire

Though all my hidden weaknesses You knew

I cast away my doubt

Along with its shame and fear,

Not by my might but by Your Spirit

To Your throne of grace I draw near

I refuse to accept or invite anxiety

Or the fears that my Flesh create

You are Jehovah Jireh, the Almighty!

No fear, only You, has written my fate

In this time of struggle, Father,

I remember Your works of old

I cast myself on Your Word

And look back to Your salvation

Promised and foretold

I will call upon the Lord

Who is worthy to be praised

Though those that surround are a thousand hoards

Yet I will be saved from my Enemies

I will take up the cup of salvation

And call upon the name of the Lord

O Lord, truly I am Your servant-

The son of Your maidservant

You have loosed my bonds

I will offer to You the sacrifice of thanksgiving

And will call upon Your Name

Gracious and righteous are You, O Lord

You preserve the simple and those brought low

I will love You, O Lord

For You are my strength

You are my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer

My God, my strength, in whom

I will trust

You are my shield

The horn of my salvation, my stronghold

I will call upon You

For You are worthy to be praised

So shall I be saved from my enemies

Return to your rest, O my soul,

For the Lord has dealt bountifully with you

For You have delivered my soul from death,

My eyes from tears

And my feet from falling

Therefore I will walk before the Lord

In the land of the living

When struggle comes

Do not lose heart

Love the Lord more

And trust in Him

When you call on His name

You will be saved

Cast your burden on Him

And He shall sustain you

He shall never permit the righteous to be moved

Surely there is power in the Name of Jesus

Surely there is saving power to those who call on His Name

Salvation of the Lord to His saints!

Selah

Father, I walk on Your highway,

The Highway of Holiness

Though I be a fool and walk on it,

I shall not go astray

Though a fool, I am redeemed

For You have declared the redeemed shall walk there

The ransomed of the Lord shall return

And come to You with singing

With everlasting joy on their heads

They shall obtain joy

And gladness

And sorrow and sighing

Shall flee away

Come forth as Gold— Hidden Treasure (Part 2)

Father, there is a fear that doubt makes

A treasure that I withhold

I surrender my dreams for You to take

When they pass into Your hands

They will come forth as gold

When I don’t hold on to You

For salvation’s sake,

I further sink

Beneath the waves

You know that in this night season

That I struggle daily with my doubt

Your Word is the hammer that directs my reason

You are stronger; You encompass me ‘round about

Surely I would be in agony

And in pride be deceived

If I had not believed I would see

Your goodness in the land of the living

As I have come more than seventy times seven

To ask that You forgive my sin

So evening, morning, and noon I will come to You

For Your salvation to work within

Fear surrounds me on all sides

Ready to encroach on my heart

By God’s truth, my Enemies will fly

And Faith will quench their fiery darts

I will hold on like Ruth

And will wrestle like Jacob

That You will fulfill Your promise

Your Blessing is true and faithful

When I was in fear and distress

I called on You to make me whole

Surrounding me were the pangs of death

I called on Your name: "O Lord I beseech You

Deliver my soul!"

Though I must lose all to You

And I meekly ask for these stones,

You give me the sustaining bread of Your truth

And tell me, You are not alone

Into Your hands I commit my spirit

And into Your hands I commit this treasure

In Your time to what You have promised

The glory to come is vast and unmeasured

Your ways are good!

Into Your loving, sovereign, tender hands

I submit myself with my dreams and plans

You go beyond to sustain and make me bold

I will soon come forth as gold

Amen

Seeking for His Throne of Grace- A Poem & a Cry

1st course

Then you shall delight yourself in the Lord; and I will cause you to ride on the high hills of the earth (Isaiah 58:14)

Lord, show me in the way I shouldst go

Help me to submit to the truth I’ve known

I desire to be pleasing to You in every way

Yet I have no eyes to see Your Will, even in the light of day

I walk in darkness, and am taunted by Hell

Place me in Your light, pull me from this well

I cry out to You, for my good deeds are few

Only in Your Son, can I accomplish any righteousness

I seek for You, I hunger for You

Have mercy on me Lord! Thank you for my life each day new!

Oh I do not desire to be a curse

Or live in rebellion and wickedness

To be the godly example and leading serve

These characteristics, I ask on me, that You bless

Wretched man I am I cannot see my path

All I feel is Your frowning face, and Your fierce wrath

I wish and pray to do the right things

Oh, that you would shelter me under Your wings

I have no desire to be disobedient or live in pride

Yet I am blind I cannot tell of me, what’s inside

Grant me strength to submit to Thy commands and their lyrics

And help me to say, Into Your hands, I commit my spirit

Save me from self-pity and pride

I walk in the darkness, and in that path so wide

You O Lord, promised that on the heights I’d ride

If I would only lean on You as the one who sustains life

Sustain my life O Lord I desire and pray

Renew and sanctify me in Thy Word each day

Help me to follow, wherever You go

And help me to see and walk Your road

I want to be loving I want to be free

Grant me light for my eyes so I can see

Show me when I live in presumption and rebelliousness

And grant me strength to serve and bless

To self-give, self-share, and live in Christ’s strength

It is You who watch me for Your Covenant’s sake

I need thee every hour, oh guide me in every place

Shield me with Your arm May I not squander Your Grace

I cannot see the road before me, nor my deeds behind

My perverseness and secret motives I cannot find

Not without Your Word and Thy Spirit may I be able to move in Thee

I have no strength to serve, I have no guidance to lead

I want to be all these things I want to be more!

May my life be to all, a reward

I want to lift up all to You, place Your hands on my hands

Lift me up from the dust

And help me to burn my will to ashes

May I submit to Thy Will

Bind me to the altar

Bind me securely in Thy Will; lest I struggle and rebel

Grant me Your grace and help

To lay down my life

To submit to the Word and its sharp edge

Take my life and let it be

Consecrated Lord to Thee

Take my will and make it Thine

Let thy word on my heart shine

Let Thy word on my heart shine

I want to be all this, and more to You

2nd course

Many are the afflictions of the righteous But the Lord delivers him out of them all (Psalm 34:19)

I suffer from my afflictions, O Lord

And yet I have not eyes to discern when it has come

Is it really only a mistake? A spot here and a mar there?

Or am I really immersed in habit’s bog, sin’s slum?

I suffer Lord; I cause burden to others

And I dare to wound and kill the Lord of grace

O wretched man I am, Lord deliver my soul!

Save me! Hide not Thy shining face!

Grant me wisdom and understanding

Save me from presumptuous sins

Fuel this fire, by Thy oil and fanning

Ignite desire into action My life to You I give

I have no wish to shun correction

Or remain imperfect before You

My deeds and thoughts of righteousness; oh how few

And neither do I want to disdain instruction

Grant me wisdom

And discernment I ask

That I might live in Your Kingdom

For these things I lack

I plead for an everlasting heart

A heart of striving humility

To submit my will and be a part

In destroying my pride and living in servitude

Such