Military Anecdotes: Indian Military Humour

All that a soldier wants from his countrymen

is love, respect and recognition.

International

Edition,

Volume I

MILITARY

ANECDOTES

INDIAN MILITARY

HUMOUR

Inspired by a popular book in India

ORDERED TO LAUGH

AUTHOR COL SUDHIR JEE SHARMA

Foreword by Col Rajyavardhan Rathore AVSM,

Union Minister of State (Independent Charge)

for Youth Affairs & Sports and Information & Broadcasting,

Silver medal Olympics (Double trap)

Copyright © 2019 Col Sudhir Jee Sharma. All rights reserved.

ISBN

978-1-5437-0027-5 (sc)

978-1-5437-0028-2 (e)

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

www.partridgepublishing.com/india

11/18/2019

CONTENTS

INDIAN AIR FORCE

FIGHTER PILOTS

TRANSPORTERS

AIRCRAFT MAINTENANCE

AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL

MISC

INDIAN ARMY

ARMY LIFE

ARMOURED CORPS

INFANTRY

ARTILLERY

ENGINEERS

ARMY SERVICE CORPS

ARMY INTELLIGENCE CORPS

ARMY MEDICAL CORPS

ARMY ORDNANCE CORPS

ELECTRICAL AND MECHANICAL ENGINEERS

SIGNALS

TRAINING DAYS

GENERALS

YOUNG OFFICERS

JUNIOR COMMISSIONED OFFICERS

NCO’s and OTHER RANKS

RAJ DAYS (BRITISH ERA)

INDO - PAK JOKES

INDIAN NAVY

RUSSIAN JOKES

DRDO

LETTERS

GLOSSARY

INTRODUCTION

President of India is the Supreme commander of Indian Armed Forces. Armed forces or The Indian Military comprises of The Indian Air Force, The Indian Army and The Indian Navy. They are headed by Chief of Air Staff (COAS), Chief of Army Staff (COAS) and Chief of Naval Staff (CONS) respectively, all four star Generals. As per area of responsibility, Military has commands like Northern Command, Western, Eastern, Southern and so on. They are commanded by Lt Gen in Army and equivalent ranks in Air Force and Navy and termed as Army Commanders or General Officer Commanding-in-Chief (GOC in C) in Army, AOC in Air Force & FOC in Navy. Under the command are Corps which are commanded by Corps commanders or GOC Corps, again of Lt Gen rank. Under the corps are Divisions which are commanded by Div Commanders or GOC Div who are of the rank of Major General. In general parlance, Generals who are Commanding are referred as GOC, Lieutenant General’s & Major General’s both are referred as Generals (Gen), General Officers in Air Force are referred as Marshal and in Navy as Admiral.

Full form of Some commonly used Military abbreviations are:

GSO––General staff officer

Gren––Grenade; Rif––Rifle

LMG––Light Machine Gun

MMG––Medium Machine Gun

Div––Division; Bde––Brigade; Bn––Battalion

Regt––Regiment

DRDO––Defence Research and Development Organisation

NCC––National Cadet Corps

RVC––Remount and Veterinary Corps

ASC––Army Service Corps

Arty––Artillery (Big guns)

Armd Corps––Armoured Corps (Tanks)

Inf––Infantry (foot soldiers)

CQB––Close quarter battle

PVC—Param Veer Chakra

MVC—Maha Veer Chakra

Chief—General & Equivalent in all arms

h—Hour (always in twenty-four-hour scale)

IMA—Indian Military Academy at Dehradun. Its the final passing out academy for Permanent commissioned Army officers. Here Cadets are addressed as Gentleman Cadet (GC)

NDA—National Defence Academy at Khadakwasla Pune. It is the entry point for Defence officers after class 12

OTA—Officers Training Academy at Chennai. It is the entry point for short service officers and also for lady officers

SMC—Sten Machine Carbine (9 mm)

Pakis—Pakistani’s

Sino—China

Adm Comdt—Administration Commandant

IAF—Indian Air Force

IA—Indian Army

IN—Indian Navy

MIG—Type of Fighter aircrafts

Chopper—Small helicopters

AN 32/IL 76—Transport aircrafts

RMO—Regimental medical officer

Gunner—Artillery officer

Sparrow—Signal/communication officer

Army Ranks in Ascending order

Sepoy (Sep)

Lance Naik (L/Nk)

Non Commissioned Officers

Naik (Nk)

Havildar (Hav)

Junior Commissioned Officers

Naib Subedar (Nb Sub)

Subedar (Sub)

Subedar Major (SM)

Officers

Lieutenant (Lt)

Captain (Capt)

Major (Maj)

Lieutenant Colonel (Lt Col)

Colonel (Col)

Brigadier (Brig)

Major General (Maj Gen)

Lieutenant General (Lt Gen)

General (Gen)

Field Marshal

Air Force Ranks:

Leading Aircraftsman & Aircraftsman (Air man)

Corporal (Cpl)

Sergeant (Sgt)

Junior and Master Warrant officer (JWO, WO & MWO)

Flight Lieutenant (Flt Lt)

Squadron leader (Sqn Ldr)

Wing commander (Wg Cdr)

Group Captain (Gp Capt) equivalent to Colonel of Indian Army

Air Commodore (Air Cmdre)

Air Vice Marshal (AVM)

Air Marshal

Air Chief Marshal

Marshal of the Air Force

Navy Ranks:

Seaman 1 & 2

Leading Seaman

Petty officer

Chief Petty officer

Master Chief Petty Officer- 1 & 2 Class

Sub Lieutenant (Sub Lt)

Lieutenant (Lt)

Lieutenant Commander (Lt Cdr)

Commander (Cdr)

Captain (Capt) equivalent to Col of Army

Commodore (Cmdre)

Rear Admiral

Vice Admiral

Admiral

Admiral of Fleet

Dedicated to

All Military Soldiers of the world who made Ultimate Sacrifices

and their Proud Families who keep smiling irrespective

Illustration by Krutanjali Mudgal, MBBS (2 year)

D Y Patil Medical College, Pune, India

FOREWORD

‘Humour’, to me, comprises of hum and our. By its very nature, laughter is a shared enterprise. Someone’s joke, picked up by someone else, catching a third guy on the off side, thereby making the entire group burst into laughter, lightens the tenor of the most serious of gatherings.

As a cadet in the Academy, as an officer of the Indian Army, as a sportsman in training, and now in the political sphere – I’ve seen that stress is universal, and that humour is a universally applicable, immediate stress buster. Humour is universal because it is intrinsic and instinctual. When instinct meets context, humour is born.

I am quite happy to see that Col Sudhir has taken up this task of compiling all anecdotes and jokes of the Armed Forces in a book. The book takes us to a journey from academy days till post retirement days. While reading the context of the back, I actually could visualise my good times in Army. It was interesting to see contributions from DRDO and Russian Army.

Initially I decided to read this book on day to day basis to laugh a little everyday but it was difficult to put the book down. Now that I am in Political world and I am often called upon to speak, I am beginning to know more the importance of good humour. A good humour binds you with audience.

Laughter is best when you can laugh on yourself and this book is a true example of that. Laughing and being happy is a preventive therapy for all diseases. I am really happy that an effort for compiling all anecdotes along with illustrations has been planned by Col Sudhir. I have been told that this book has been planned in Volumes.

I wish all the best to the series of this book.

Col Rajyavardhan Rathore AVSM

Union Minister of State (IC) for Youth Affairs & Sports

Union Minister of State (IC) for Information & Broadcasting

FROM THE AUTHOR

Believe it or not, a Soldiers life is the most stressful life. There cannot be a bigger fear than ‘Death’. Think of life where you are exposed to your biggest fear everyday and that too in a condition where you are bound by rules and regulations and your opponent is not. Military life all over the world is more or less the same. It was always like that, is like that and will remain like that. That doesn’t mean that other people in world do not have any stress. Therefore I am making an attempt to make contributing Soldiers, their families, friends and relatives happy in whatever condition they are, by sharing their contributions with the world. Military language and words have specially been chosen to be understood by all. I hope this book will have its soothing effect.

The world scenario is changing everyday and stresses are impounding each one of us, therefore to keep going strong, one has to have the ability to be able to have the loudest laugh at smallest opportunity. A poor man’s child can be extremely happy playing with road side stones whereas a rich man’s child may not be happy with the best of toys. One minute of anger weakens the immune system for 5 hours and one minute of laughter strengthens the immune system for 24 hours.

Believe you me if I tell you that compiling and putting together a book on ‘authentic’ and ‘uniformed’ jokes, anecdotes and comic situations is like fighting a battle atop Siachen. This book is a result of years of meticulous effort––at times frustrating and at other times most satisfying. Undoubtedly, members of the armed forces have a great sense of humour, as awe inspiring as its fighting prowess––remarkably incisive and direct (like the famed Bofors), succinct and biting. Rarely is it satirical, dry, or sardonic. The ‘humour’ in the armed forces is good-natured fun, makes fun, and may seem disrespectful, but it never is. It may seem abusive, but it is never offensive. After all we are all men of honour.

Though plentiful, but for reasons unknown (and perhaps ‘classified’), the men in uniform fight shy of penning down the lighter side of life. I can only assume that they prefer to shoot with their weapons, rather than with their Pens & Pencils. Nevertheless, I must thank my fellow men in uniform, their children, ladies and all others who have contributed to this book and kept me going in this venture with their encouragement. I was often told that I was in the process of creating history. (May I therefore assume that I am a pioneer of sorts).

I would also like to share the apprehension some of my friends had. Would my fellow soldiers, my brothers-in-arms, take it amiss if good-natured fun was poked at their regiments? I hope and pray not. Lest some do not like it, to all of them I say that I do not intend to offend or be insolent; do not therefore gun me down for my attempts to lighten the stressed life we lead. My sincere request is, if it tickles you, smile rather than criticise (laughter is good for your health too). Though all sincere efforts have been made to keep anecdotes and jokes as authentic and original as possible, yet the possibility of some repetition cannot be ruled out. Some of the anecdotes have been picked up from journals, magazines, or other sources. Since there was no way to contact the contributors, I thank them now with a request to send more of their treasures on my email for inclusion in Vol II.

During my journey of 30 years in Military life, I realized that ‘Non Military people’ know very less about Military life. Therefore one of the main purpose of this book is to acquaint readers with Military life, ranks and abbreviations. This reminds me of an incident of my Haryanvi friend. He was from a village and very poor background. He joined army as a recruit but worked hard to became Colonel. He was first officer from his village. After he became Colonel we all went to his native village to party. Though most of young folks were happily boozing and dancing, some of the village elders were not looking happy. When I asked them the reason of their unhappiness, one of them said Your friend has been serving in Army for last 20 years and he has only become Karnal (Colonel), when will he become Subedar Major? (During British time that was the highest rank for Indians)

There is no authentic International Indian Military humour book till date. ‘Ordered to Laugh’ was my first Indian book on the same subject, which got a very good response from readers. This inspired me to come up with an international version of the book so that soldiers all over the world know about Indian Military. This book has contributions from Russian Army. I plan to bring out this book in Volumes with contributions from brothers and sisters in Uniform from all over world. Please send me your contributions on ‘sudhirmudgalworld@gmail.com’. Let the Battle for a Superior sense of Humour begin. Sound the bugle!

2019 Col Sudhir Jee Sharma

New Delhi, India

Mob: +91-9999056788

Email: sudhirmudgalworld@gmail.com

sudhirjee_in@yahoo.com

INDIAN AIR FORCE

FIGHTER PILOTS