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    The Girl In The Red Coat
    The Girl In The Red Coat
    The Girl In The Red Coat
    Ebook226 pages1 hour

    The Girl In The Red Coat

    By Rachel Louise Finn

    ()

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    About this ebook

    The Girl in the Red Coat is a love project for a younger version of myself. These words are her own, unaltered, raw take on the world around her and the demons in her mind. Her words and her rhymes are not perfect, but she wasn't perfect, and that's okay. Suffering isn't perfect. This is her.

    The Girl in The Red Coat used to be me.

    She was a sixteen year old girl who'd been twisted up by life and she used her pen to get all of her feelings out.

    All she ever wanted to do was write.

    Then she grew up and she disappeared before she could fulfil her wish.

    So this is for her.

    These are the words she left behind.

    This is her legacy.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherRachel Louise Finn
    Release dateOct 13, 2021
    ISBN9798201935955
    The Girl In The Red Coat

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      Book preview

      The Girl In The Red Coat - Rachel Louise Finn

      RACHEL LOUISE FINN

      Trigger Warning.

      This book touches upon some very triggering themes, including;

      self harm

      suicide

      eating disorders

      depression

      abuse

      bullying

      murder

      and more.

      Please look after yourself and practice self care if you are affected by any of these things.

      For the girl in the red coat

      All you ever wanted to do was write. To see your own words on paper.

      You made it.

      preface

      ❤ The girl in the red coat was always alone. Walking school hallways, acting like she didn’t even notice their stares. But she did. She saw every stare, every whisper, every laugh. She felt every shove, every sting, every hit. She heard every word, every taunt. She felt every slap, every harsh word, every terrifying emotion that existed.

      The girl in the red coat spilled her feelings onto paper. If she didn’t, they would tear her apart, rip her flesh into pieces and spill her blood on the floor. Fragments of herself scattered through time and space.

      The poems in this book are in their original state. They haven’t been altered and some of the rhymes may seem... lacking. But they were how she felt at the time and it’s important that is honoured. This was her biggest catharsis.

      There are a few pages scattered throughout this volume from my present self, looking through the window to the past. Time is a funny thing.

      The girl in the red coat was always alone. She walked for miles and miles each day. Not safe at home, at school, outside. She would find comfort in nature and candles and crystals. She would lose herself in music and books. Animals were her best friends.

      The girl in the red coat is owed many apologies that she will never receive.

      The girl in the red coat is still here. She has changed but she survived and she exists somewhere deep inside me. She won’t ever be whole but she’ll always be one of the strongest girls in the world.

      If you take anything from this book - take that.

      The girl in the red coat was me.

      The girl in the red coat could be you, too.

      Alone in this World

      I’m in this world alone .

      I’m losing my grip,

      Mayhaps I should take a trip

      To get myself together.

      I’m in this world alone,

      I’m sick of always feeling depressed,

      Upset and stressed.

      Please stand beside me

      Support me if I should fall.

      I feel so alone,

      I have no one at all.

      I start to fall.

      Lonely

      I’m walking here outside in the rain

      Watching it roll down to the drain.

      I’m not depressed,

      I just feel stressed,

      And I’m lonely.

      I need someone to talk to,

      What I’ve got they used to call the blues.

      I’m lonely

      Oh, so lonely.

      I need a friend.

      A shoulder to cry on,

      When things go wrong.

      A friend who won’t lie

      A friend who’ll be there when I start to cry.

      I feel so lonely

      Please erase my loneliness

      And be my friend.

      Or my world shall end.

      My death

      Ioften think of dying

      I can’t be bothered lying.

      I want to die

      I need to die.

      As I think about a way for my death

      I prepare to take my very last breath.

      Maybe I’ll drown in the sea,

      Nobody will ever miss me.

      Perhaps I’ll cut myself with a knife

      That wouldn’t cause anyone any strife.

      I’ve never even thought

      That mum would be distraught.

      She wouldn’t. I know that,

      For a fact.

      As I prepare to take my very last breath,

      I think about ways for my long awaited death.

      ❤ The girl in the red coat used to sporadically speak to two neighbourhood brothers. They weren’t good people. They were laughing at her behind her back like everybody else.

      One day, while returning home from a bike ride, the girl in the red coat stopped to talk to the brothers.

      I can’t remember now how the conversation even came up, but I do know that the girl in the red coat was crying for help.

      She produced a notebook and showed the brothers a very short story she had written. A story about a girl who kills herself.

      They scoffed.

      Why would you write about that. Why would you write something so stupid.

      She had been screaming for help in many different ways and each and every time nobody would listen.

      She snatched the notebook back and rode away, feeling lower than she had before she’d bothered to stop.

      Another reason to close herself up even more.

      Suicide

      A Short Story

      I’m about to plunge the knife into my skin. Mum calls.

      I’ll be down in a min.

      I sigh and put the knife back in my drawer. Another day, I think.

      I saunter down the stairs. Before I reach the bottom, I put on a happy face.

      Morning. I smile with mock happiness.

      Oh, hi. Grumble my parents. My smile fades.

      I’m going out. I say.

      What about your breakfast. Shouts mother.

      I’ll buy a bagel from the shops. I say as I run upstairs to grab the knife.

      I run down to the sea. I sit for a while with the knife in my hand, listening to the waves and contemplating my life.

      The fighting, the screaming and shouting. I can’t hack it anymore. I smile and slash my wrists and throat. I feel a sense of calm wash over me.

      I look at my wrists, blood pouring

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