Mommy's 'Lectures' To Kanda

Preamble to the lectures

Kids complain that parents are constantly lecturing them. Even a 30-second talk is termed a lecture. When I give my daughter advice, I am told I am lecturing; complete with air quotes! I tried negotiating with her. I told her she cannot term anything under two minutes as a lecture. Let’s just say; the negotiation failed miserably. Adults are terrible at negotiating with kids.

Any lecture is inevitably accompanied by the famous eye roll. If we don’t stop after that, our kids are not above exiting the scene. If they are in a good mood, you might hear a ‘Bye, ma.’ Other times, you might hear an ‘I do not exist.’ Most times they just leave. You are left lecturing to the atmosphere.

I carried out a quick poll among some friends with kids of different ages and stages in life. Some lectures are common across ages and genders. It is interesting to note how our advice changes as our kids grow older. We are never short on pearls of wisdom to give away to our wards regardless of where they are and how much they have accomplished already. We can’t help it. Parenting changes our wiring to become exactly what our parents were—lecturers!

For all the kicking, screaming, and dramatic eye-rolling, I am convinced none of what we say is falling on deaf ears. It is all being stored. With or without our knowledge. With or without kids’ knowledge. Our advice will rise at some point when it is needed and when the time is right. But it is slowly and unconsciously being incorporated into their lives. Of that, I am sure.

So as parents, persist we must. Let us collect each eye roll as a trophy. It represents the time our kids were physically present to hear us for long enough to roll their eyes. That is not to discount the fact that we can hear the eye roll during a lecture on the phone.

The lectures in this book are not listed in any order because on an average day, these lectures can and do occur at various points in time. ‘Don’t slouch,’ for example, is rinsed and repeated almost 500 times a day. Ok. Wait. Do I really repeat it that often? Hmm. No wonder I am called a lecturer.

Dear Kanda

A lot of things my mom used to say to me reverberate in my ear. More so, now that she is gone. Over time, I feel I may have forgotten some important lessons. I wish I had written them down. I suspect most of them have been subliminally seared into my DNA.

I’ll save you the trouble of trying to remember, Kanda. Here is a ready reference of some of my ‘lectures’ to you. I prefer to call it advice. I feel you rolling your eyes!!

Maybe I will produce an audio version as well just to make all these gems echo in your head in my voice. Muhahaha! Oh, and haha, this is not even the full list. I will continue to add to this as you go through different stages in life. So maybe this is book one!

Sometimes when I am advising you, I hear my mom’s voice in my head, saying the same things to me. I must have rolled my eyes back then and now it makes perfect sense to me. So much so that I feel the need to repeat them to you. For the record though—I NEVER rolled my eyes at my mom.