The Memoirs of My Childhood and Agonies of War

The Memoirs of My Childhood and Agonies of War

Philip Gai

Copyright © 2023

All Rights Reserved

Dedication

TO MY MOTHER, AYOR Chol Nai, the most heroic woman I have ever known. Even when you were dying, you showed me love and courage. Mother, without your last words, I would not have survived the horrors of war. It’s your encouraging words and love that this book is all about. I wish you were here to witness what you foretold. Mother, I love you and miss you dearly.

To my father, Gai Nhial Lual, who was not only a supportive father but also a mentor. Dad taught me to be a man when I was only a child.

To my daughter, Amaya Ayor. Amaya, you made me a proud father. You are a miracle.

To Abuk Aweiy Akook, who gave me not only a daughter but also the world.

Acknowledgements

I WOULD LIKE TO ACKNOWLEDGE Mama Janny Branciforte for believing in my ability to write. Mama Janny never stops asking me if I am still writing, and with her courageous words, I finally set down to write this book. She is not only a mentor but also a mother to many lost boys and girls of Sudan. Mama Janny, no word can describe how thankful I am to you.

I would also like to acknowledge The Lost Boys and Girls of Sudan in Phoenix, Arizona, who gave me an opportunity to lead and shine. Special thanks go to all of you who were part of Arizona Lost Boys Center leadership for exhibiting true friendship, unity, and peace building  in our communities at the darkest times.

I would like to thank my family and relatives who stood with me for the course of this book. Without your support and encouragement, this book would not have been possible.

About the Author

CHOL GAI NHIAL-ATUNGTIL is originally from the Sudan and is currently residing in the United States. The Memoir of my Childhood and Agonies of War is his first Book as an author with which he wishes to let the world know about his experiences from living in a war zone. Through his book, he describes how he only knew of two things as a child - guns and death. His life was centered around terror and war. He survives the two decades of living in a war territory and eventually made it out of all of it alive. as a child, Chol was separated from his family, siblings, and village to join the military at the young age and  he shared some amazing experiences in his book.

Born in 1976 as Chol Gai Nhial-Atungtil to a father and mother who believed in an African Ancestral Spirit. but in 1985 at the age of  ten year old, Chol converts to Christianity and he was baptized and given name Philip as a symbol of Christianity to differentiate him from Muslim and those who believed in African ancestral spirits.

Preface

THE EFFECTS OF WAR on childhood have been of critical interest to historians and social scientists. They have significant repercussions on a child’s well-being, mental health, physical development, cognitive development, behavior, and education. Children have to face many war-related experiences, including physical injuries, traumatic memories, parental separation, child labor, food and shelter deprivation, and loss of other relatives. The impacts of war on childhood have been studied over time. However, in the present day, the war conditions have a direct impact on children.

The Second World War had left its mark on the psyche of the world. World War II was the most destructive war in the history of mankind. It was not only a source of suffering but also a cause of many problems in the post-war era. The world became a dangerous place to live as the consequences of this war were felt for a long time. It had a great impact on the minds of children. Many children who were born at the time were affected by the war. As they grew up, they began to suffer from physical and mental problems due to the trauma of the war. Many children did not have the opportunity to go to schools, although there were schools as well as playgrounds in the town.

World War II ended 75 years ago, but the effects continue to be felt and will be felt for many years to come. World War II claimed the lives of tens of millions of people and left the world profoundly changed. Its immediate impact included millions of casualties, the destruction of large areas of cities, the massive displacement of people from their homes, and a long period of depression. World War II left its indelible mark on its survivors, as many of them never fully recovered from the horrors of the war. World War II was the most devastating war that ever took place. It lasted for more than five years and ended on August 14, 1945, when the Japanese surrendered to the Allied forces. The world war affected many countries. It caused many casualties and the destruction of several properties. The effects of the world war can be seen all over the world. It also shows that war can have a tremendous impact on people, countries, and the whole world.

After World War II ended, many United Nations agencies were formed to handle conflict around the world, but these agencies had limited mandate to stop the wars. While many countries remain at peace, many others never stop fighting, as in the case of the Sudan. The wars between North and South Sudan started in 1955 and came to a halt temporarily in 1972 under the Addis Ababa Agreement. The war resumed again in 1983 after the Sudan Regime violated the treaty. Both wars caused destruction and loss of lives; however, the second war affected children particularly. Many were born knowing nothing but war. Their childhood lives were ruined and left with traumas as many of them witnessed their parents being murdered in front of them. During the Second Sudanese war, many children were revictimized when they were enlisted as child soldiers. As a result, many of them ended their lives prematurely by committing suicide.

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Preface

Chapter 1: Family

Chapter 2: Growing up in Sudan

Chapter 3: My Childhood

Chapter 4: Siblings

Chapter 5: Going to School

Chapter 6: The Second Civil War

Chapter 7: Joining the Army

Chapter 8: The Impact of a War-Torn Country on Children

Chapter 9: The Lost Boys and Girls of Sudan

Chapter 10: Ancestral Spirits and Christianity

Chapter 11: Bor Massacre

Chapter 12: To Kenya

Chapter 13: Return to Sudan

Chapter 14: Leaving Sudan for the Third Time

Chapter 15: Similar Names

Chapter 16: Coming to the U.S.A.

Chapter 17: The Present

War

Survival

Resilience

Inspire

Page Left Blank Intentionally

Chapter 1: Family

THE HISTORICAL LAND of Aboudit has always been ground zero for floods, draughts, and wars among the Aboudit six clans: Awan, Pagol, Kol, Pen, Titdior, and Amabith. Earlier in the 1800s, this land was rather sought after, yet the people suffered. As if the war alone was not a reason enough to trouble the people living there, there were also intertribal conflicts and civil wars that people of that land had to survive. Soon, people started to move from place to place, leaving their closest possessions behind just so they could save their lives from the ever-increasing difficulties.

When my grandfather left Aboudit, there were wars among sub-tribes or clans, and the one that was fought amongst Aboudit rival clans is known as the ‘Lual Thierbet’ era. That was when most Luals from the Awan clan were killed in a battle against their rival clans who were collectively supported by neighboring sub-clans. One of those Luals who did not survive the battle was my great-grandfather. Unfortunately, his wife was also murdered while she was trying to protect her family’s wealth from being raided by rivals.

Several young people have died because of these wars. What is even sadder is that the wars continue to shed more of our blood to this day. Young men fighting each other, and spilling blood, is a tragedy that saddens me to the core. After my great-grandfather was killed, my grandfather, Nhial-Atungtil, had no choice but to move away in one of those seasonal draughts along with his brother to whichever place they could find safety in for the night and eventually go to stay with their maternal aunt Anyinot in Atet.

Since it was already a war zone, you can only imagine what it was like to move in that situation. It rained blood. The people who stepped out of their houses did not know if they would ever be able to reach their destination or make it back. The air reeked of smell from the rotten bodies, and you could hear battle cries from the far-off distance.

It was pure chaos, as my father retold the account of his father's suffering.

Nhial-Atungtil was only six years old when he had to see the horrible scenario of a group of people grabbing a man around his father’s age and forcing him to hand over the number of cattle that he possessed. How my grandfather got over the trauma will remain a mystery to me, but it shouldn’t surprise me because I have lived through more tragedies than my grandfather. Since both his parents had been killed in one of Lual Thierbet's battles, he was left with his nine-year-old brother, Ajok, alone to wander in the deadly territory. My grandfather was the younger of two brothers, and his older brother Ajok had to ensure his safety.

The boys had one maternal aunt, who they used to visit with their father every six months or so. When she heard the sad news that her brother-in-law and her sister were killed, she journeyed from Ater to Aboudit to search for the boys. When she found them, they told her everything that had happened to them and how both of their parents had been killed. She had no choice but to take her nephews to Atet and raise them like her own children. 

Their aunt took diligent care of both brothers, considering how well my grandfather, Nhial-Atungtil, had turned out to be. Of course, she did not need financial support, but she needed cows for milk and someone strong to farm the land so that she could grow more food to support both Nhial-Atungtil and Ajok until they were of age to marry. 

Unfortunately, Ajok died at an early age, but Nhial went on to become a charismatic leader and a motivational speaker for Banydeng at a young age. As he was helping his aunt with farming and raising cattle, he was also accumulating his wealth, and by the age of sixteen, he owned enough cattle for dowries. When he was around eighteen-year-old, he married his first wife, acquired acres of land, and established his independency from his aunt in Atet. Nhial-Atungtl went on to marry eleven other women, two of which were from the neighboring Mundari ethnic group of South Sudan.

At the age of thirty, his spiritual work of serving Banydeng (The Lord of the Rain), the messenger between God (Nhialic) and him, was noticed in the neighboring lands of Murle and Mundari tribes. Once Nhial-Atungtil arrived at one of those lands, the elders would ceremonially ask