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    A Tale of True Like
    A Tale of True Like
    A Tale of True Like
    Ebook182 pages1 hour

    A Tale of True Like

    By Bill Alive

    ()

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    About this ebook

    From acclaimed comedy writer BILL ALIVE (author of THE PUNCTUALITY MACHINE and RICH, SKINNY, AND SUPER SPIRITUAL) comes the tale of Snow White as you've never heard it before!

    Also The Frog Prince, Little Red Riding Hood, Rumpelstiltskin and more…

    … all entwined into one hilarious comedy.

    When the Evil Queen finds out that her Magic Mirror may actually be a tape recorder, her jealous rage at the beautiful Princess Violet turns lethal. The Queen wants Violet's heart in a box, but her disturbing therapist, Dr. Ittenmath, suggests an even more troubling solution.

    Will sweet Violet escape the clutches of her crazed stepmother and find True Love? (Or at least, a date to the Formal?) Or will the Outside World prove even more dangerous than the Castle?

    If you loved The Princess Bride, or those old "Fractured Fairy Tales", or you just want to kick back with a light, G-rated goofy comedy that'll get you laughing, don't miss A Tale of True Like!

    Get it now.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBill Alive
    Release dateDec 29, 2024
    ISBN9798230078982
    A Tale of True Like

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      Book preview

      A Tale of True Like - Bill Alive

      Introduction

      Imagine a tale where the fairy tales are all true (sort of). There are Princes and Princesses, an evil Queen, a Big Bad Wolf, Rumpelstiltskin, the Seven Dwarves and more.

      But also… some of these classic characters attend a small, private Christian college. In an obscure old steel mining town.

      Plus, it’s a comedy! And also a puppet show.

      Wait, what? I’m so confused.

      I know, Gentle Reader. And I sympathize.

      This is a fairy tale puppet show comedy, set in a tiny Christian college in the Rust Belt?

      That’s right! Perhaps a word or two of explanation is in order.

      Yeah, maybe!

      Simply put: I attended such a college myself. More than twenty years ago. And that’s when I wrote this play. In college.

      A play? You said it was a puppet show!

      Technically, yes. But that only really matters for a few of the jokes. Mostly, you can read and enjoy this as you might enjoy reading any comedy.

      Especially if you ever loved Fractured Fairy Tales on the old Rocky and Bullwinkle show. To be clear, I’m not so old that I was watching those shows when they first aired. But if, like me, you loved watching those parody fairy tales when you first saw them on streaming, DVD, (okay, fine, VHS), then you are in for a real treat.

      So don’t get hung up on the puppet aspect. With a few tweaks, A Tale of True Like could be a super fun live-action stage play, rather than a puppet show. Also, much easier to perform.

      So you actually did this in college? As a puppet show?

      Er, no. This was a fundraising idea that got a little out of hand.

      I did own a few actual puppets, so at first, I thought, Hey, this would be fun! How hard could it be to make a few extra puppets… and all the scenery… and find a couple amateur puppeteers who are willing to squeeze into a tiny puppet theater with me for hours on end to rehearse…

      So, no. We never quite around to staging it. Possibly in part because I never quite finished writing the draft.

      What? You’re telling me this isn’t—

      No, no! Calm down! I promise, what you’re about to read is fully complete. I went back and finished the few bits that I’d left undone.

      There weren’t many to finish. The draft really was almost complete.

      While I was there, I also gave the whole thing a bit of a polish. Not too much—I changed as little as possible, because this is a story I couldn’t write today. There’d be no point in trying to make it sound the same as I write now. But it did need a few nips and tucks to make it as smooth and fun a read for you as possible.

      The result is a rare glimpse into a vanished world. Not to spoil anything, but as you will see (and perhaps remember), the technology level was a bit lower back when I wrote this, at the literal close of the twentieth century. Social media didn’t exist. Printed newspapers were still somewhat unironic. Tape recorders were a thing.

      So there’s a delightful extra layer of fantasy in play, as the fairy tale characters clash with a modern world that is now slipping into fantasy itself.

      But you said there’s also a Christian college?

      Yes, the University of Earlsburg. Both the University and its parent town of Earlsburg are totally fictional, of course, and do not officially reflect on the college I actually attended, or its town.

      But in case you yourself did not happen to attend a small Christian college in the Rust Belt, it may help you to know a few facts about the unique culture on such a campus circa the year 2000.

      Acoustic guitars were cool. Really cool. Because you used guitars to sing praise and worship music. On any pleasant day, you could walk around campus and see more than one cluster of students sitting in the grass, one or more strumming a guitar, all unironically singing praise music.

      Dating was not particularly encouraged. Possibly not coincidentally, the school was run by monks.

      But the Formal dance, once a semester, was a big deal.

      Fraternities and sororities were definitely discouraged. Instead, we had… well, you’ll see.

      Most of all: the overall culture of the campus reflected a widespread belief, quite sincere, that we were really living Christianity well. Not too conservative, not too liberal, just a focus on what seemed most fundamental and important about the Christian Faith: a God of Love.

      Looking back now, from a personal point of view that has shifted rather a lot, I can certainly see cause to question that flattering self-assessment.

      Fortunately, for this story, the specifics don’t matter.

      This story is about having lost a precious little fantasy world to a powerful villain. Think losing Narnia to the White Witch. Or (almost) losing the Shire to Sauron.

      And I’m only even explaining this here because this story begins with the villain in control, so that little world is already lost. As a much younger writer, I didn’t realize that I couldn’t just assume you would care about this loss; I should have shown you the glory of what that former world had been. But this story basically assumes you’ll care.

      On the other hand, it occurs to me now… isn’t that the way of fairy tales?

      The very vagueness of the Castle or the land of Faerie can make them all the more desirable.

      So perhaps the glory of Earlsburg in its Former Days can be left to your vivid imagination. You can discover it for yourself, like the Princess Violet.

      Wait, though. Don’t you have another fantasy you’ve written about a Princess Violet?

      Yes! Or at least, by the time you read this, that new book should be finished.

      And it’s almost completely different.

      Almost? Not entirely?

      The seeds of that story (a full-length serious fantasy novel) began, decades earlier, in the quirky little comedy puppet show you’re about to read now. The novel is so different that I was tempted to change the name, but I’ve kept them both Violet, because it fascinates me how stories grow and diverge. The same idea that’s a joke in one context can, in another, be deliciously horrifying.

      But that’s that story, a tale for another time.

      For now, thank you for taking a chance on A Tale of True Like. Basically… it’s

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