Cancer

Freeloader

By Anonymous - 08/02/2025 21:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out that I have at least stage 3 cancer. I went on my insurance's website to get information for the doctors. I also saw "Other people who have been on your plan." My ex-wife was listed, with a new last name. She got remarried. I'm just going to let the cancer take me at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 66

This blows

By Katie B - 23/09/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom - Lincoln

Today, I received a rejection email from a brain cancer research charity to be a junior graphic designer with them. I'd forgotten about the application with them because after I applied, my dad became unwell and got diagnosed with incurable brain cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 60

Healthcare for all!

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, it's one of the many monotonous days I have endured in this damn third world country after I found out that my dad had cancer and we moved here for his treatment. My skin condition has spread all over my body from the stress, so I constantly feel absolutely repulsed by my own reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 136

Check yourself out

By Anonymous - 08/08/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I resorted to trying to guilt trip my husband into getting his prostate checked. He asked for one good reason why he should, so I said because he has two kids who don’t want to see him get prostate cancer. His response, "Nope, not good enough, now leave me alone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 175

Escapism

By ChemoInReno - 26/06/2024 04:00 - Australia - Point Piper

Today, I am still recovering after my second round of chemotherapy. You’d think I’d be able to rest instead of making lunch and dinner for our kids, and cleaning the house. But no, my wife says that would mess up her day. Which is centred around an 8-hour M*A*S*H marathon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 108

Tantrum

By Gloria - 25/06/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, my daughter asked me for permission to go to her boyfriend’s studio apartment without any supervision to “watch a soccer game and eat pizza.” I said no because she thinks I was born yesterday. She proceeded to throw a tantrum and told me that she hopes my breast cancer kills me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 205

Fingers crossed

By lukey101 - 05/11/2023 21:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I saw a dermatologist to see if they would remove my moles for cosmetic reasons. Turns out 5 of them are suspicious and need to be removed anyway. Good news: I don’t have to pay for it. Bad news: it might be because they’re cancerous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 114

Fairweather friends

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 14:00 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad is terminally ill from bone cancer. It’s been 2 months and not even one of my so-called friends have asked me how I’m doing or how my parents are doing. They do however contact me when they need something. I have always been there for them - guess I was a fool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 128

One upper

By help - 13/06/2023 03:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my friend (she's 14) said she had lung cancer. This made me and my other friend very worried for her, but now we know she was faking it since when she was "at the hospital" she was at a friend's house, and her mom came to the school to confirm she was faking the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 109

The eternal argument

By Annoyed atheist - 07/05/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I was watching the episode of New Amsterdam where a man's cancer goes into remission very abruptly. As the doctors wonder how the hell that's possible, my mom says, "God." Okay. So if this "God" controls what happens to your body, why is cancer still a thing? My mom is no longer religious. She's delusional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 291

Sanity

By Anonymous - 02/04/2023 16:00

Today, my wife has cancer but rather than go to hospital like a sane person, she has started going to church as often as possible, even though in the history of mankind I can’t remember a single instance where praying to some statue with a cross has ever cured cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 1 147

Go fund me not

By Danny28 - 27/11/2022 18:00

Today, I discovered that, according to her primary doctor, my mom never had cancer. That explains why she has the new iPhone, a plethora of designer purses, and a brand new Tesla. Turns out, I’ve been fueling her shopping spree habit, rather than her “cancer and chemotherapy treatments.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 135

Unfair

By Anonymous - 21/10/2022 00:00

Today, I got demoted at work and had a pay cut taken, all because I got sick from cancer and haven't recovered well enough to do every task. We are not short staffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 113

Thanks, I feel better!

By Neal - 10/08/2022 13:00 - United States - Northport

Today, my dad told me, in the form of a soliloquy, to have a better attitude about death and dying. I have terminal cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 106

Unusual diagnosis method

By Anonymous - 08/08/2022 16:00

Today, after my brother punched me in the balls a few weeks ago, and while I was clutching myself in pain I actually felt a hard lump on the right testicle, I got the results: it’s cancer but survivable if they remove the testicle. I had to thank my brother for saving me by punching me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 129

Free healthcare for all

By Thegout69 - 28/07/2022 02:00

Today, I lost my job because I fell victim to an incredibly complex phone scam. The hackers didn't get anything, but now I don't know what's worse - I can't afford to feed my kids, or I can't afford my chemotherapy for my my terminal cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 209

Adding insult to injury

By Anonymous - 15/07/2022 05:00 - United States - Overland Park

Today, it's not bad enough that I'm fighting stage 4 colorectal cancer, and that I'm 3 weeks out of colostomy surgery, during the night, it came unhooked from my body in my sleep. I woke up to the smell of shit, and I was covered in dried shit, glued to my sheets. It made it through 2 'waterproof' mattress protectors, to the expensive foam mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 96

Punchline man

By Anonymous - 09/07/2022 06:00

Today, thanks to the hormone treatments for my cancer, I have gained so much weight I am now officially the punchline for “How does a fat man find his penis? With a mirror on a stick and an erection.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 161

Jumbled up

By Anonymous - 19/06/2022 06:00 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I still haven't met my SO’s traditional Indian parents, even though we have been together for 3 years, they just pretend I don’t exist. Today I also found out that my SO’s mom has cancer. I'm trying to be there for him, but he keeps pushing me away. He literally said he doesn’t know about our relationship now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 208

A huge mess of stuff

By GreatWeek - 30/05/2022 17:01 - United States - Dighton

Today, I had to help one of my best friends while he was having a seizure. Earlier this morning my longtime girlfriend broke up with me. Oh, and also earlier this week I found out my other best friend has cancer. Lord take me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 113

Alopecia shit

By ThanksWill - 07/04/2022 12:00

Today, a coworker just came back from being ill and getting chemotherapy for a month and a half. I saw her bald head. I’d never seen her like that before. The astonishment disabled my verbal filter and I blurted out, "Jada Pinkett-Smith." Let’s just say besides this FML, I’m also submitting online resumes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 1 791

Ironic

By Anonymous - 20/03/2022 16:00

Today, my dad yelled at me for using legal marijuana to help treat my potentially terminal cancer, which is kind of hypocritical for the man who spent significant portions of my childhood in jail for selling cocaine to rich high school kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 109

Understandably so

By Sleepless in Fremantle - 27/02/2022 06:01 - Australia

Today, after having insomnia and also being constantly woken in the middle of the night by spam texts, I turned my notifications off and fell asleep, forgetting I had done so - until a few days later when I discovered my friends two day-old text telling me he has incurable cancer. I've apologized profusely, but he’s ghosted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 201

Bad sign

By Anonymous - 24/02/2022 02:01

Today, I found out that a girl I had been seeing for two months used her having a brain tumor as an excuse to break up with me. She said she wouldn’t feel good for three months because of treatment, but then a month into "treatment", she posted a picture on a date with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 138

Get well soon

By Anonymous - 14/01/2022 11:03

Today, I found out I have aggressive brain cancer, then my girlfriend dumped me because, as she put it, if I’m going to be dead in a year anyway, she might as well move on now so as not to waste her time. I knew she was evil, it’s what I loved about her, but man, this is low even for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 509

Happy New Year, maybe

By boardAtTheHospital - 01/01/2022 05:00

Today, I'm home alone and it blows, especially since my wife has to stay at the hospital to get chemo, and I can't stay with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 118

The big C

By Anonymous - 10/12/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I had an offer for a job, and was going to receive the offer letter… only if I would postpone my oncologist appointments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 90

The grind mindset

By How?! - 06/10/2021 02:00

Today, after enduring chemo, radiation treatments and several surgeries in order to beat cancer, being immunocompromised and catching Covid, I haven’t been able to work for years. Despite all that, I still get told I’m lazy and need to "just go get a job" when I try to get social security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 99

Balls

By Anonymous - 04/10/2021 17:00

Today, at 17 years-old my doctor told me my balls are riddled with multiple small cancerous tumours. They are now useless for sperm production and will have to be removed anyway to cure the cancer, but not to worry, for aesthetic reasons they can replace them with silicone balls instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 198

You deserved it 124

Deez Nuts

By ALittleLighter - 14/09/2021 05:00

Today, I finally lost some weight. Unfortunately, that's only because I had a testicle removed due to cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 76

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I told my son that if he doesn’t sort his life out, I’d change the Wi-Fi password. His answer, "Good luck old man, I changed it months ago and unless you leave me alone, I’ll disconnect your living room TV." I’m disabled so I need the TV to cope with being depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 367

Today, we got on the plane for our honeymoon and her parents were on the same damn plane, going to the same spa resort, in the room next door, and my wife has the nerve to tell me it was a coincidence. How we supposed to get our sexy freak on, sharing a bedroom wall with her repressed mother? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 712

You deserved it 204

The Top

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 269

You deserved it 42 380

Today, my mother-in-law texted to wish me a happy birthday. She spelled my name wrong and it's not my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 872

You deserved it 330

Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 766

You deserved it 2 560

Today, against my better judgement, I gave in and let my daughter go to the family Christmas party, due to the fact that the sister I cut contact with caught COVID and said she wouldn't be there. Guess who turned up? FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 222

Today, my two boys wanted to sleep in bed with us. My wife gave them the okay, even though there’s not enough room for all of us to lay. I’m now sleeping in my 3 year-old’s bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 169

Today, my ex-girlfriend has been nothing but nice about our separation, and I’ve been slowly removing my stuff from her house, until she found out I have a new girlfriend just a few tiny years younger than her. She ran over my box of replica lightsabers with her work van. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 1 452