halfwit

Must act quickly!" Mr Walton responded by saying: "Of all the almighty halfwits in the world...

THIS week's esteemed PISH award (Pop's idiotic, sniping halfwit) is hereby dedicated to Kerry Katona's ex-husband Brian McFadden.

Chav names are what we expect from our halfwit footballers.

IF I was a complete halfwit, I would tell you that something really needs to be done about our bloated public services.

SEXUAL HEELING If you're the sort of halfwit who wangs all their cash on Louboutins, there's a website called My Secret Dressing Room where you can hire them out to poor people.

THIS week's PISH award (Presenter Is Snide Halfwit) goes to former Crimewatch frontman Nick Ross, who has been busy spouting words of (nae) wisdom at the Edinburgh TV festival.

award (Player Is Swearing Halfwit) is hereby dedicated to Saint Wayne of the Blessed Massage Parlours for his televised four-letter outburst last Saturday.

Talk at length about your own funeral and you're either going to sound like a morbid misery or an egotistical halfwit, who never wants the party to end.

Half-man/half-mountain David McIntosh, the celebrated halfwit, has shown no interest in entering the CBB house but plenty of interest in KB.

THIS week's esteemed PISH award (Premier Is Shallow Halfwit) is hereby dedicated to Prime Minister David Cameron, left.

award (Pretentious, Indulgent Smarmy Halfwit) is hereby awarded to the personification of narcissism that is John Mayer.

I may give the impression in these pages of being something of a halfwit but let me tell you my calendar goes straight from March 31 to April 2 - nobody fools me - and I can say with conviction that India are a sound bet at 11-2 with Hills to top the medal table.