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Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
Cupid, that chubby cherub love dispenser, is dead. But before he died, he appointed me his apprentice in love. I loved Cupid, and that was precisely why I killed him. I strangled him. Then I shot him 17 times with his heart-shaped arrows. Then I burned his body while I roasted and toasted marshmallows and toasted to the good times he brought to the world. Then I took his ashes and mixed them in cake batter and literally consumed him. Mark it I have officially taken over as the foremost authority on love. I can't fly around like he could, but I have other endearing qualities. I can’t think of any at the moment, but I must have some.
- GenresPoetry
69 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 26, 2011
About the author
Jarod Kintz
110 books1,683 followersThis is it, this is my biography. The story of Jarod Kintz begins now.
Let’s knock out the trivial first. I was born in Salt Lake City on March 5th. Now that you know my birthday, please feel free to get me birthday presents. Notice how I used the plural, presents? More than one gift would be greatly appreciated. Appropriate gifts include gold coins, bars of silver, and large tracts of land (preferably beachfront property). Or you could just buy me a drink—soda, natural, because I don’t drink either alcohol or high fructose corn syrup.
Skipping ahead a few years, and a few hundred miles, we come to Denver, Colorado. For a few years I attended Mackintosh Academy. In the second grade, along with English, I studied French, Spanish, and Japanese. Out of all those language classes, I remember one word: Andrea. That was my girlfriend at the time, the one who left me for my best friend. I guess I remember two words, as I remember his name too, but his name is almost sacred, as a name that shall never be uttered.
Right after second grade ended my family moved to Jacksonville, Florida. It was Jacksonville that I would come to know as home, and would attend the rest of my schooling until college.
At this point I was a mediocre student. I believe I had a perfect 2.0 grade point average from third grade until I graduated from high school. My favorite classes were art, P.E., and lunch. Oh, is one of those not a class? No way—I believe art is still considered a class.
When not cracking jokes in class, I would be doing one of three things: drawing, passing notes, or sleeping. In high school I started to not only be mentally absent from class, but physically gone too. I’d skip class like a flat rock skips across a pond.
After high school, it was on to college. In all I have attended six colleges. I bounced around like a dodgeball on a trampoline. If you count the college classes I took starting my junior year of high school, then I got my four-year degree in nine years. And if you’re going to do something, you might as well do it at least twice as well as everybody else—or at least at least twice as long.
I graduated with an English degree from the University of Florida, but I took creative writing classes from both UF and Florida State University. All though college I fancied myself a fancy man, because I was an aspiring writer. Mostly I wrote t-shirt slogans and other pithy things. In the spring of 2005 I did manage to sell a line of t-shirts to Urban Outfitters.
That is my lone success in life. Seriously. Well, so far anyway. But my story is just beginning. I plan on failing my way to success. I have been rejected by literary agents, publishers, MFA programs, all sorts of women. But still I keep writing.
I have written many “books,” and I use the term books loosely. Mostly they are just compilations of my random thoughts and one-liners. But I like writing them, and people seem to like reading them. and that’s what it’s all about, right?
All my books are self-published, either through iUniverse or the wonderful Amazon Kindle program. I encourage everybody to write. Share yourself with the world. If there is one thing I like to impress upon people, it’s that you can do it, even if you can’t. Just keep can’ting until eventually you can. And you can quote me on that.
Let’s knock out the trivial first. I was born in Salt Lake City on March 5th. Now that you know my birthday, please feel free to get me birthday presents. Notice how I used the plural, presents? More than one gift would be greatly appreciated. Appropriate gifts include gold coins, bars of silver, and large tracts of land (preferably beachfront property). Or you could just buy me a drink—soda, natural, because I don’t drink either alcohol or high fructose corn syrup.
Skipping ahead a few years, and a few hundred miles, we come to Denver, Colorado. For a few years I attended Mackintosh Academy. In the second grade, along with English, I studied French, Spanish, and Japanese. Out of all those language classes, I remember one word: Andrea. That was my girlfriend at the time, the one who left me for my best friend. I guess I remember two words, as I remember his name too, but his name is almost sacred, as a name that shall never be uttered.
Right after second grade ended my family moved to Jacksonville, Florida. It was Jacksonville that I would come to know as home, and would attend the rest of my schooling until college.
At this point I was a mediocre student. I believe I had a perfect 2.0 grade point average from third grade until I graduated from high school. My favorite classes were art, P.E., and lunch. Oh, is one of those not a class? No way—I believe art is still considered a class.
When not cracking jokes in class, I would be doing one of three things: drawing, passing notes, or sleeping. In high school I started to not only be mentally absent from class, but physically gone too. I’d skip class like a flat rock skips across a pond.
After high school, it was on to college. In all I have attended six colleges. I bounced around like a dodgeball on a trampoline. If you count the college classes I took starting my junior year of high school, then I got my four-year degree in nine years. And if you’re going to do something, you might as well do it at least twice as well as everybody else—or at least at least twice as long.
I graduated with an English degree from the University of Florida, but I took creative writing classes from both UF and Florida State University. All though college I fancied myself a fancy man, because I was an aspiring writer. Mostly I wrote t-shirt slogans and other pithy things. In the spring of 2005 I did manage to sell a line of t-shirts to Urban Outfitters.
That is my lone success in life. Seriously. Well, so far anyway. But my story is just beginning. I plan on failing my way to success. I have been rejected by literary agents, publishers, MFA programs, all sorts of women. But still I keep writing.
I have written many “books,” and I use the term books loosely. Mostly they are just compilations of my random thoughts and one-liners. But I like writing them, and people seem to like reading them. and that’s what it’s all about, right?
All my books are self-published, either through iUniverse or the wonderful Amazon Kindle program. I encourage everybody to write. Share yourself with the world. If there is one thing I like to impress upon people, it’s that you can do it, even if you can’t. Just keep can’ting until eventually you can. And you can quote me on that.
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
October 16, 2013
THIS IS BUMPER STICKER LOVE!
Love. What can you say? It happens. This is a tiny, sarcastic, yet sensible look at how crazy people see love. Love is like a picnic without ants, pleasant for a while, but sooner or later something's definitely getting squashed. (That one is mine!) And that ain't no picnic.
Jarod is a comedian. He's hilarious. This is not a book of about squishy love. These are comedic one liners. It's hilariously sardonic and lots and lots of fun!
Love, love, love. What does it mean to be in love? I don't know, but I do know I need more toilet paper.
Love is like blue from orange, a city of citrus, a pizza topped with a mushroom cloud with explosive flavor.
I love you like 1+1=1. I'm so in love that I believe you and me are one entity. Either that or I'm mathematically illiterate.
Love is a four-letter word, like glue, only less sticky inside your nostrils when you try to huff it.
I love love, but it's only interested in molesting me.
My love for you is like a dolphin. If that sounds fishy, it's not--it's pure mammal, baby.
Love is like a blanket of sunshine on a pants-down full moon at a full STOP sign.
Can someone be in two places at once? Yes. I can be in love, and I can also be in a mental hospital.
Jarod is very witty, and very, very ODD. (As in, I think he has ODD: Oppositional Defiant Disorder which is a pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures). I LOVE Jarod. He is very ODD, indeed.
http://youtu.be/xhRMeiyret0
http://youtu.be/E0LAs7X5ybE
Love. What can you say? It happens. This is a tiny, sarcastic, yet sensible look at how crazy people see love. Love is like a picnic without ants, pleasant for a while, but sooner or later something's definitely getting squashed. (That one is mine!) And that ain't no picnic.
Jarod is a comedian. He's hilarious. This is not a book of about squishy love. These are comedic one liners. It's hilariously sardonic and lots and lots of fun!
Love, love, love. What does it mean to be in love? I don't know, but I do know I need more toilet paper.
Love is like blue from orange, a city of citrus, a pizza topped with a mushroom cloud with explosive flavor.
I love you like 1+1=1. I'm so in love that I believe you and me are one entity. Either that or I'm mathematically illiterate.
Love is a four-letter word, like glue, only less sticky inside your nostrils when you try to huff it.
I love love, but it's only interested in molesting me.
My love for you is like a dolphin. If that sounds fishy, it's not--it's pure mammal, baby.
Love is like a blanket of sunshine on a pants-down full moon at a full STOP sign.
Can someone be in two places at once? Yes. I can be in love, and I can also be in a mental hospital.
Jarod is very witty, and very, very ODD. (As in, I think he has ODD: Oppositional Defiant Disorder which is a pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures). I LOVE Jarod. He is very ODD, indeed.
http://youtu.be/xhRMeiyret0
http://youtu.be/E0LAs7X5ybE
March 26, 2022
I'm here to share my own view to the Universe about how Chief Joel helped to bring back my Lovelife with his possessions, my Lovelife neglected and broke up with me for the past 6 months. I can't say much because I really do not know how to express myself right now for I'm over whelmed but I really want to appreciate him for his awesome Work of him. Thank you so much. Anyone seeing this and want help can get in touch on his Facebook page 👇👇or WhatsApp number +2349065749952
https://m.facebook.com/Dr-OSOFO-10802...
https://m.facebook.com/Dr-OSOFO-10802...
November 13, 2021
Very articulate.
Read
February 20, 2022Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
This book is amazing. I just love it. https://quotesoverflow.com/topic/love
This book is amazing. I just love it. https://quotesoverflow.com/topic/love
July 12, 2013
A dip in and out tome of rumbustious, likeable silliness!
Read
November 17, 2017Pleeeaseee, i want read this book, and i don’t know how(same book-this book is not for sale)i must pay?where?😳
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews