Mary Books and Cookies's Reviews > Wintergirls

I really really love this book.

Reread in December 2015

This left me so fucked up.
I have no clue how to begin. I don’t think I ever read a book that left me so lost, for lack of a better word. I’m numb and astonished and a heap of other feelings I can’t even try to begin to explain. I felt physically uncomfortable while reading it and I felt so so sad throughout it. Just, simply put, an overwhelming feeling of sadness and helplessness was always with me. It’s that need you feel as a reader to shield the characters you read about and to save them, but you realize there isn’t anything you can do, but read on.

Wintergirls tells the story of Lia, a high school senior who struggles with anorexia. Her best friend, Cassie, who suffers from bulimia, dies and the night that happens, she calls Lia 33 times, but Lia doesn’t pick up. As the story progresses, things get worse and worse for her - she feels guilty for Cassie’s death, she is haunted by the demons in her head, by the demons of her illness, and she unravels.

One thing that is very important is that this book does not glamorize eating disorders. They are shown with all the ugliness they have - and trust me, there is so, so much ugliness in them, and it shows that they are not a whim, they are not a trend, they are an illness and, like with many illnesses, they take over your life and you lose yourself in them. I saw Lia struggle so much, and I felt for her and for her family. It’s frightening to see her shrink more and more with every page, see her lie to everyone around her, see her not want to get better, because she hates herself. Food is the enemy, it is pain, she sees herself as “stupid/ugly/stupid/bitch/stupid/fat/ stupid/baby/stupid/loser/stupid/lost”. She feels undeserving, she feels guilty for Cassie’s death, she feels alone, misunderstood, and…lost. She has so much pain cooped up inside, that she resorts to self harm in order to feel…something, to let the pain out. The people around her, although they want to help, at one point, they’d just rather ignore what’s in front of them and pretend that things are okay, instead of pushing harder and get Lia the help that she so desperately needs.

This book scared me so much. It’s such a raw, unfiltered look into the world of eating disorders. It’s a huge wake up call to anyone who might think it’s a good idea to try something like that and it doesn’t shy away from anything. I was hovering on the edge of anorexia back in high school, although I didn’t know that back then. I exercised a lot, I ate less and less and I saw myself as fat, even though I weighed about 100 lbs (45 kg) at a height of 5′6″ (168 cm). Thankfully, I woke up and never jumped that line. But reading this, it made me think - where would I be now if I didn’t have that wake up call?

Exceptionally well researched and written, it’s one of Anderson’s best works. It flows beautifully, it’s haunting, moving and powerful. It may save a life.

Favourite quotes:

“We turned us into wintergirls, and when she tried to leave, I pulled her back into the snow because I was afraid to be alone.”

“I spin and weave and knit my words and visions until a life starts to take shape.”

★★★★★