"Barney and Friends," the notoriously stupid kids' show about a big cuddly purple dinosaur who makes kids use their imaginations, has been the brunt of so many jokes since it started airing (my favorite spoof of it was Animaniacs' "Baloney & Kids," in which Baloney, the numbskull orange dinosaur, is taunted and has anvils dropped on his head). There are too many things wrong with this show for me to discuss here, so I'll just say my favorite ones:
(1) All the kids look like they are (and they probably are) preteens and teenagers, and this dopey purple idiot is teaching them things like the alphabet, counting, colors, shapes, and everything else every 5-year-old should know. If this were real life, the kids (or, should I say, teens) would throw stuff at Barney and laugh, instead of sitting in awe while he teaches them the difference between indoor and outdoor voices.
(2) I know that using one's imagination is important, but here, Barney needs to tell them to imagine. It's as if they can't imagine so much as a rock without saying, with Barney's instruction, the magic words "Shimberee, shimberah, shimberee, shimbeRAAAAHHHH!"
(3) The show's methods of teaching lessons to the 2-to-5-year-old crowd are really lame. The dialogue is so banal that I can't see how even the cast members believe any of this junk. And the lines are not unintentionally hilarious enough to inspire a chuckle in a cynic like me. Except for one notable exception, the "5 Senses" episode, which contained lines such as the following (all said in amazed tone of voice):
"This rock is smooth...but it's hard!"
(banging on sand) "This sand is hard. (picking it up) But now it feels soft. (rubbing it in hands) But now it feels scratchy!"
(surprised/delighted even beyond usual "Barney" standard) "This chair is hard!!!! But the cushion is soft!!!!!!!!"
So if you want a good educational show for your kids, turn on "Sesame Street" or "Mr. Rogers." They are much better than this baloney.
