Really, people?
I mean, I saw the movie. I saw it just to see how bad it was. Oh, I was not disappointed. And it seemed like at the time everyone else agreed on how bad it was, considering it had a 1.7 rating here on IMDb. About three quarters of a year later, here we are with 4.9? How did this happen?
So people just decide to up and suddenly praise this movie? Yep, seems likely. I did a little research on a lot of these "reviewers", due to outrage and a bit of summer boredom, I'll admit that right there. Here are my findings: Many of them were not only posted within a span of four days or so, but most of them have "The Oogieloves" as their only review ever made. Also, those accounts were made exactly one month and three weeks ago from today. What are the odds? Not to mention their usernames follow the format FirstnameLastnameNumber. Is it possible for everyone to just up and decide that? Poorly executed cover. Maybe this is true, and maybe it isn't, but to me it looks as if Kenn Viselman, the "marketing visionary", is getting desperate and is asking people to give his "film" good publicity. How else do you explain this sudden spike in votes and reviews? And if this really is true, then maybe Kenn was lying through his teeth when he said it "wasn't about the money". I mean, seriously. If it's not about the money, why the heck would you credit yourself as "marketing visionary" in the trailer? Does anyone see the irony in that? We're not that stupid. (Funny, I can imagine kids all over the world saying that to their parents when they saw the trailer.) Not to mention, if this is Mr. Viselman's way of compensating, then he must not be very good at his job. When you have to literally hire people to like your movie, then quit your occupation. That's like paying people to cheer you on at your baseball game. That's a bust. You've hit rock bottom, Kenn.
And this film truly deserves more bad views than it already has. Three over-sized, fully-clothed Teletub- er, I mean Oogieloves- go on a quest to find five magic balloons for their friend Schluufy. After all, it is his birthday (it is a he, right?). Okay, that's not a bad set up. It's simple enough. But we need to keep the parents entertained. Let's spice it up with some C-list celebrity cameos! I watch them sing and dance in this movie, and I bury my head in my hands, wondering "Why, Prince Wesley, why? Detective Kujan, what are you doing with your life? Doc Brown, if only you had your DeLorean to travel into your future and see this pile of dung!" It's sad, really. However, even when watching the movie, I think to myself "So what's so bad about this movie?"
It's not how poorly-made it is, how badly-written the songs are, or how embarrassing the cameos are. It's the fact that they think this is what kids need. Do children really need three crudely designed gigantors talking down to them (literally) as if they were stupid? This is WAY past pandering, it's babying. Many people would respond to this, saying "Oh abrown975, you've gone too far. It's just a kids movie. It doesn't have to be perfect." Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. "Oh come on, it's just a toy. It doesn't have to be perfect." "Lighten up, it's just a baby swing. So what if it's shoddily made?" "It's okay, it's just a pacifier. Why would it need to be child-safe?" Let me put things in perspective if I haven't done that accurately. Is "Barney's Great Adventure" a kids movie? Yes, and it was horrible. Is "The Lion King" a kids movie? Absolutely, but it's currently rated the #1 animated movie of all time on IMDb. What about "Mac and Me"? How great was that? Not at all. What about "Up"? Um, nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars, need I remind you.
Just because it's a kids movie doesn't mean quality has to be abandoned. Using "How can children tell?" as an excuse is just a blatant cop-out. It's laziness, no matter how "revolutionary" the idea is.
THAT'S why "The Oogieloves In the Big Balloon Adventure" is not only a horrible children's movie, but just a movie by itself.
And that's exactly why I say you should definitely watch it. WHAT A TWIST! Yes, that's right. Watch this horrible piece of poo. Watch it with your friends. Make fun of it. Have fun. This is the "Troll 2" of our generation. "Mystery Science Theater 3000" has prepared us for this exact moment.
Huh, maybe this was Kenn Viselman's plan all along to get viewers. Perhaps he really is a successful "marketing visionary" after all. Well played, Mr. Viselman.
This movie still sucks though, no matter how many PR people are telling us otherwise.
UPDATE: 6.3!
UPDATE 2: 7! This is unbelievable.
