Full Count (2019)
2/10
THIS WAS SO SAPPY, I ALMOST WENT INTO A DIABETIC COMA
16 March 2020
Warning: Spoilers
I like happy movies. I like movies that leave me feeling good when they're over. I don't care for violence and I won't watch a horror movie. Having said that, this was NOT one of those movies that left me feeling good. It has decent photography and production values and these will keep you watching long past when you should have stopped.

It is a complete ripoff of the Green Mile (A GREAT MOVIE) with the Angel grabbing peoples arms and blowing salvation upon them, allowing them to see the past as if in a movie, whereupon the truth is revealed. And light bulbs blow up, electrical systems malfunction and cameras stop working. Sound familiar?

Just by touching people on the shoulder, this Angel can comfort the souls of the those in need, and make prison guards leave their posts. The movie was dominated by somber piano music and sappy writing and acting. It was just too much, for too long. If you like this movie, you've been drinking way too much of the Kool Aid at your church for waaaaay too long.

It's a story of an american teenager who would never think about drinking, cussing, kissing his girlfriend, much less having sex, has no tattoos, never argues with his mother and tolerates his abusive father with understanding and grace. In short, a complete, unadulterated fantasy.

The moral of this story is that EVERYTHING bad that happens to you can be fixed with prayer and a visit from your own personal angel. (Who looks like the leader of a prison Aryan Nation gang) The drought will end, the police who framed you will be discovered and arrested, all charges will be dropped, people will give you credit when you're behind on your bills, you will have a bumper crop on your farm, money will come flying in to pay all your bills, you will get a ride in a hot air balloon, so you can fly closer to heaven to feel your dead father. Oh, and your permanently injured arm will suddenly and miraculously heal, and you might get to pitch in the Major League.

And they all lived happily after. Amen. Hallelujah. Praise God. The only thing missing was the Angel rising into the sky in a golden light, Heaven bound.

I'm going to be sick.
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