Clinton Road (2019)
1/10
Sssoooo bad...
4 September 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Vincent Pastor, Big Pussy, from "The Sopranos". Ice-T, rapper, reality TV star, and regular on "Law & Order: SVU". Eric Roberts playing himself. All of these "stars" put in appearances in this utter and complete bomb. Someone must have video or photographic evidence of each of these three in compromising situations with circus midgets or barnyard animals. Perhaps they each owed Richard Grieco money, or some sort of favor. I can't think of any other reasons why they would agree to appear in this utter piece of celluloid garbage.

A psychic medium with a milky white eye? Seriously? Who thought of that characterization? An eight year old? Why is it that almost every single movie with a group heading out on an ill-advised adventure features said group with people in it that can barely stand one another? Time and time and time again, we have a merry band of supposedly lifelong friends who do nothing but bicker, argue, and snipe at one another the whole time that they're together. Seriously, with friends like these. How can you be devoted, lifelong friends and do nothing but spew vitriol at one another?

Nobody in this movie is even remotely likeable. The psychic medium going into a trance acts more like a drunken idiot trying to weather a particularly grueling bowel movement. All of the 7, 8, and 9 star ratings for this movie had to have come from people directly connected to, or are responsible for, this movie.

I cannot stress this enough. DO. NOT. WASTE. YOUR. TIME. ON. THIS. PIECE. OF. CRAP. The acting is God-awful, even from Pastor, Ice-T, and Eric Roberts. It's like they're all playing parodies of themselves. They're checking boxes, putting in time, and collecting checks; they sure as Hell aren't acting. As for Ace Young and the others, they may still have promising careers in the service industry. They might want to hang onto those if they do.

Of course, as every group in every horror movie is obligated to do, each member wanders off on their own, alone or in pairs, gets lost, and meets their doom. It's utterly and completely dark, they're in the woods. They planned to be in the spooky woods, at night, and no one thought to bring even a single headlamp or flashlight. What could go wrong while wandering around in the dark in unfamiliar territory with a reputation for paranormal activity, right?

And who the flying fat s**t is the bald guy with the beard, the welding glasses, and the coveralls with a hole in the seat? You see him walking around in the background in every other shot.

First we had "Paranormal Activity", and now we have this, "Paranormal Stupidity". Even though he's a washed-up, has-been hack, Richard Grieco should be embarrassed to have his name attached to this bowel movement of a movie.
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