Campton Manor (2024)
1/10
Reveals How Bad It Is Slowly - Don't Give It The Chance
2 July 2024
It's a rare movie that can fail on every level. The most impressive thing about this one is that you can't be absolutely sure it's as stupid as it is until pretty close to the end, and then it's too late. For a while it seems like it might be a solid indie film that just didn't have much of a budget. You can see how cheap it looks and how mediocre and strangely cast the actors are, but it seems like it might be going somewhere. About the time you start to think that not having much money doesn't actually explain these decisions, the characters get a lot more talkative and you suddenly realize this thing was written by someone who makes Stephenie Meyer look like Ernest Hemingway. Now everyone's delivering long, florid speeches (complete with bad grammar). Twists are introduced that are mind-bogglingly silly, and you can just tell whoever came up with them thought they were solid. Now there are action movie one-liners and some seriously gross misandry happening and the whole thing has melted into an incomprehensible mess. At this point there are ten minutes left, and even though you've wasted your evening and $5 on Prime, you have enough respect for yourself to cut your losses and turn it off.

That last part may just be me.
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