- Mrs. Hardy: And how is Mrs. Laurel?
- Stanley: Oh, fine, thank you.
- Mrs. Hardy: I'd love to meet her sometime.
- Stanley: Neither do I too.
- Introductory Card: Every man has a past - with some little "indiscretion" he would like to bury - Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy have 30 or 40 they would like to cremate.
- Ollie's blackmailer: Give me that key. Give me that key. You give me that key! You - that key! You give me that key.
- Stanley: I will not!
- Ollie's blackmailer: You will too! Now, give me that key! Give me that key! Give me that! Give me.
- [wrestles Stan to the ground]
- Ollie's blackmailer: Give me that key! That key - you give me that! Give me that key! Now, give me that key! You give me that key!
- Busybody: Far be it for me, Mrs. Laurel, to talk about anybody, but... don't trust any man. I've had five of 'em, and I know!
- Oliver: You can't bluff me. That was in my gilded youth. My primrose days. Before I was married.
- Ollie's blackmailer: It doesn't mean a thing. You haven't changed a bit - baby.
- Ollie's blackmailer: Listen, kid, I crave a lot of service.
- Office Worker: Oh, I beg your pardon. Did you wish to see someone?
- Ollie's blackmailer: Say, what do you think I came to this joint for? To check out your acoustics? I want to see Mr. Hardy - and I want to see him right away. You get me?
- Oliver: What is it you want?
- Ollie's blackmailer: Ladies must live.
- Oliver: No, sir. Not one penny. Not even a nickel. Not one kopek.
- Mrs. Laurel: [on the phone] Hello. Oh, hello, Stanley, dear.
- Stanley: I won't be home for dinner, Momma.
- Mrs. Laurel: Who says so?
- Stanley: Mr. Hardy. Very important business. Yeah. He's in a jam.
- Oliver: Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
- Mrs. Hardy: Christmas? But, Oliver, it's only July?
- Oliver: I know. It's one of the planks of my platform: Do your Christmas shopping early.
- Mrs. Hardy: Ha-ha-ha-ha. Just the same little apple-cheeked boy.
- Oliver: [on the phone] Hello.
- Ollie's blackmailer: Well, you walleyed pike! What's the big idea of sending this dumbbell over to me? Yes, yes, I know. But, get this: if you're not over here right away, I'm coming over to that joint of yours - pull off the front door!
- Busybody: Just as I expected. So, you're going over to Hardy's house, are you? You're going to have a wild party, are you? You little monkey, I'll tell your wife!
- Busybody: I just saw your husband with a wild woman. Went over to Hardy's house to make whoopee!
- Mrs. Laurel: So, he has, has he.
- Busybody: I knew this would happen.
- Mrs. Laurel: Chasin' around, is he.
- [grabs a hatchet]
- Mrs. Laurel: Do you know where Hardy lives?
- Busybody: Sure.
- Mrs. Laurel: Well, you stay here and phone for an ambulance.
- Oliver: [singing] Somebody's coming to my house, Somebody's coming to stay, Father feels so happy, He's jumping with joy...