Doris Day credited as playing...
Carol Templeton
- Jerry Webster: Okay, so I've sewn a few wild oats.
- Carol Templeton: A few? You could qualify for a farm loan!
- Carol Templeton: Yesterday at the beat you kissed me and I was thrilled!
- Jerry Webster: A kiss? What does that prove? It's like finding out you can light a stove. It still doesn't make you a cook.
- Carol Templeton: Doctor, there's so much I can learn from you.
- Jerry Webster: As my father, the philosopher, used to say, "Knock at my door and I shall take you in."
- Carol Templeton: Dr. Tyler, I'm knocking.
- Jerry Webster: Miss Templeton, I'm taking you in.
- Jerry Webster: [Jerry's boss - and friend - Pete - is making him ring Carol Templeton to apologise - and hopefully have her withdraw her complaint to the Advertising Council] Carol Templeton, please, Jerry Webster calling.
- [Speaking to the operator]
- Jerry Webster: Ramsey & Son.
- Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: Assure her of our high moral character
- Carol Templeton: [Split-screen, à la Pillow Talk] Yes, Mr. Webster?
- Jerry Webster: Mr. Ramsey, here, tells me that you spoke to him, and I'd like to,ask you a favour; will you kindly keep,your big, fat nose out of my business?
- [Pete starts getting furious, yelling in a strangled voice 'no, no,' at Jerry, who ignores him]
- Jerry Webster: If the competition's too tough, get out of the advertising profession.
- [Pete's got his hands in his face]
- Carol Templeton: YOU aren't even IN the advertising profession, and if I weren't a lady, I'd tell you what profession you ARE in.
- Jerry Webster: Tell me, anyway
- Carol Templeton: [Thinking she's got the upper-hand, tries to talk 'down' to Jerry] Well, let me put it this way; I don't use sex to land an account.
- Jerry Webster: When do you use it
- Carol Templeton: I don't.
- Jerry Webster: My condolences to your husband
- Carol Templeton: [Carol's eyes narrow, and she's seething with anger as she speaks] I'm NOT married.
- Jerry Webster: That figures.
- Carol Templeton: What, what do you mean, 'that figures'?
- Jerry Webster: Well, a husband would be competition. There's only room for one man in the family.
- Carol Templeton: [Carol's steaming, and trying to stay calm] Oooh! Let me tell,you,something, Mr. Webster; I wish I were a man, right now,
- Jerry Webster: [Goading Carol] Keep trying, I think you'll make it.
- [Carole looks at the phone's receiver, and hangs it up, forcefully]
- Carol Templeton: Mmm. This isn't bad, either. But what color's that floor?
- Leonard: Lilac.
- Carol Templeton: Lilac? Leonard, who has a lilac floor in their kitchen?
- Leonard: I have.
- Carol Templeton: Oh. Well, Leonard, everyone isn't as artistic as you are. We have to sell this wax to ordinary, everyday people.
- Leonard: Ugh, them.
- Jerry Webster: You're going up there to have my baby. My son, and I'm...
- Carol Templeton: It's my baby and I'll have what I like. And I've decided I'm having a girl.
- Jerry Webster: Have whatever you like. I love you both. Now will you marry me?
- Carol Templeton: You listen to me, no alcoholic beverage, no drug known to science, no torture yet devised could induce me to stay married to you!
- Jerry Webster: I've only seen him a dozen or so times.
- Carol Templeton: Well, what's your opinion?
- Jerry Webster: I prefer to reserve judgment till I see him sober.
- Carol Templeton: Oh! Doesn't that tell you what he is?
- Jerry Webster: Miss Templeton, as my uncle, the missionary, used to say, "If thou canst not speak well of a man, speak not at all."
- Carol Templeton: You make me feel ashamed of myself.
- Carol Templeton: [Carol realizes the problem with the product is its packaging, and has to convince Leonard and Millie how important it is to stay late and finish working on it] Believe me, the agency that lands this account is the one that shows Mr. Miller the most attractive can.
- [Carol picks up a can of wax and the next scene is a line of dancing 'rabbit-girls' derierres]
- Carol Templeton: Think he'll like it?
- Millie, Carol's Secretary: Well if he doesn't, he's been taking the wrong kind of chemicals.
- Millie, Carol's Secretary: That means liquor, wild parties, getting the sponsor girls, right?
- Carol Templeton: Right.
- Millie, Carol's Secretary: Good. I'd like to volunteer for front line duty.
- Jerry Webster: [Still posing as Linus Tyler] You know, it's a funny thing about you two. You claim he's oversexed, and he claims you're...
- Carol Templeton: I'm what?
- Jerry Webster: I'd rather not tell ya.
- Carol Templeton: Well, I'm not undersexed.
- Jerry Webster: I'm sure you're not.
- Carol Templeton: Mr. Brackett. There are two ways to handle a cold. You can fight it, or you can give in and go to bed with it. I intend to fight it.
- Carol Templeton: Gentlemen, if we're through admiring Mr. Webster's trophies, I'd like to ask Miss Davis to tell us about that wild party he threw last night.
- Rebel Davis: You mean, the revival meetin'?
- Northcross, Ad Council Chairman: Mr. Webster held a revival?
- Carol Templeton: Revival is right! Everyone there had to be revived.
- Magnuson, Ad Council Member: Miss Davis, do you know where Mr. Webster is?
- Rebel Davis: Why yes. He's at the Red Cross donatin' his blood.
- Carol Templeton: Oh, well, that does it. They wouldn't take his blood - it's 86 proof. And, why would he be there at this particular moment.
- Rebel Davis: Why, that's where he's meetin' with his Boy Scout troop.
- Carol Templeton: The top of the Chrysler Building is not Inspiration Point.
- Rebel Davis: Why, it is to Mr. Webster. It looks down on Madison Avenue.
- Jerry Webster: [Posing as Dr. Linus Tyler] Will you swear never to repeat what I'm about to tell you?
- Carol Templeton: I swear.
- Jerry Webster: Central Intelligence refers to my cousin as the "human satellite."
- Carol Templeton: You mean?
- Jerry Webster: Yes. He was launched from Cape Canaveral four days ago. Every 97 minutes Maurice passes over this supper club.
- [Carol looks up with her mouth open in awe]
- Carol Templeton: They strip.
- Jerry Webster: [Posing as Dr. Linus Tyler] Say, I think that's the word he used.