I lost my son to suicide last year and I have finally come to terms with it in my mind. I am bi-polar as well and I had a mother who wouldn't tolerate a depressed 15 year old kid in 1980...wow, this is going to be a throwback. I believe everything happens in a synchronous timeline, even death.I downloaded this from TOASTnJAM 's youtube channel not knowing what is was about, I just enjoy old TV movies on occasion.
I just came out of a two week clinical depression. I seem to grieve losing my son like he just passed away during those cycles. If there is any silver lining to living with bi-polar it's that over time we learn to distinguish circumstantial depression from clinical depression.Knowing the difference can save your life because then you can get properly medicated. It is nice when you can find something that works. Sadly, as the person in my son's life who caught him when he became withdrawn, I was taking an improperly low dosage of my medication, lamotragine, and I too was very withdrawn that week. We were both laughing, being normal as could be not days before. After going up on my dosage of my prescribed lamotragine and dropping welbutrin completely(ugh what a horrible drug!), the day before my son's memorial service I felt the distinctly chronically agonizingly dark clinical depression lift and go away. I was still in shock and dealing with the circumstantial grief and depression of his death, yet my bi-polar clinical depression subsided. If my mother were still alive I'd say, " Mother, THAT is the difference!".
Losing my only child of 21yrs. 10mo., my only son, and having raised him by myself since he was 17mo. old...I assure you, the pain of grief and depression do lift, but if for ANY REASON you are suicidal, get help NOW! My son called a local mental heath clinic. Instead of seeing EVERY NEW DEPRESSED PATIENT THE SAME OR NEXT DAY, LIKE SHOULD BE A FEDERAL LAW, they gave him an appointment for 10 days away. That was too late. Listen, if they call it means they are serious!! Do get help NOW if you are suicidal, don't wait. And don't drink alcohol or self medicate, and don't be alone. People do care, including YOU. HELP YOU LIVE.
