- Gene Siskel: [reviewing "Stargate"] Do you know that the budget, supposedly, of this picture was fifty-five million dollars?
- Roger Ebert: Boy, they must've had some great lunches.
- [reviewing "Leonard Part 6"]
- Roger Ebert: Maybe at some point there was an original inspiration for a good comedy here, I don't know. They certainly were not reluctant to spend a lot of money looking ridiculous in this movie and sometimes that works, but not this time. The whole movie is a mess, and even though Cosby has disowned it, he cannot escape all the blame. I don't think so. In one scene, his twenty-year old daughter brings home a sixty-six-year old man that she wants to marry. Cosby is appalled; this guy is robbing the cradle! What does he do? He calls for a sandwich and a Coke. And then he holds the Coke bottle prominently next to his face for the rest of the scene. First it says "Coca-cola", and then the next shot, it says "Coke", in case you missed the point. Who released this movie? Columbia. Who owns Columbia? Coca-cola! What is Coca-cola doing with this movie? They have a lot of products in this movie, Gene, that you can get a tie-in where you can get the product in connection with buying a ticket for the movie. I think that that is an all-time low: Bill Cosby, the richest man in show business, 67.5 million dollars income last year, *reduced* to holding a Coca-cola bottle next to his face in order to get a picture made at Columbia. He ought to be ashamed of himself.
- Roger Ebert: [after Roeper gives 'Cheaper by the Dozen 2' a negative review] You know, I'm giving this one a marginal thumbs-up...
- Richard Roeper: Who are you, and what have you done with Roger Ebert?
- Richard Roeper: [after Ebert gives his opinion on one of the films they are reviewing] Oh, really! I thought this movie was *terrible*!
- Roger Ebert: [during a review of the 1998 version of "Godzilla"] Now that I've inspired a character in a Godzilla movie, all I really still desire is for several Ingmar Bergman characters to sit in a circle and read my reviews to one another in hushed tones.
- Roger Ebert: [reviewing "Poltergeist III"] You always wonder how the tennis committee likes it where the building they own a condo is trashed in a movie like this. I hope they got free tickets.
- Gene Siskel: I hope they didn't.
- Roger Ebert: Now, I said you couldn't sit through this movie if you had any common sense. Why not? Well, because the following things take place inside the Hancock building: Whole apartments become filled with snow and ice, corridors are filled with steam, the parking garage and the swimming pool freeze over, several cars explode and turn the garage into a roaring inferno, you saw the bottomless pit, the sprinkler system floods the place, the elevators raise up and down like yo-yo's, windows are broken and yet at no point do any policemen or any firemen ever turn up, nor does any of this ever make the papers. Amazing. In fact, nobody seems to notice this.
- Gene Siskel: How bout repairs?
- Roger Ebert: Exactly. The screenplay for this movie is also amazing because it makes a serious tactical error. It uses too many scenes where the characters incessantly cry out for one another. Carol-Ann! Carol-Ann! Bruce! Bruce! Patricia! Patricia! Carol-Ann! Bruce! Finally, the night I saw it, even the audience was joining in! Carol-Ann! Carol-Ann! Bruce! I must have heard the name Carol-Ann about a thousand times!
- Gene Siskel: [reviewing "Highlander 2: The Quickening"] I read about this picture and do you know that it cost 34 million dollars to make?
- Roger Ebert: You're kidding me!
- Gene Siskel: Shot in Argentina... where did the money go?
- Roger Ebert: 34 million, they must have had a limousine every time they went to the john.
- Roger Ebert: We were on "The Howard Stern Show" once and Rob Schneider called in, and he was asking me how I could write what I did about the original "Deuce Bigalow" movie. And my question to him is; how could you make this second "Deuce Bigalow" movie? I mean, where is this movie coming from? Who were you talking to who told you that you should make this move, and that it would be funny, and that it would be good for your career, and that it would be worth money for people to go to see it? How in the world did this movie ever get made? It is completely beneath contempt!
- Richard Roeper: Our next movie is "Son of the Mask", this was almost a landmark for me. In the five years I've been co-hosting this show, this is the closest I've ever come to walking out halfway through the film and now that I look back on the experience, I wish I had!
- Roger Ebert: New on video this week; Reese Witherspoon and Mark Ruffalo in "Just Like Heaven" which got two thumbs up. "Doom," with The Rock, which got two thumbs down, and the Oscar nominated "Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit" which was loved by just about everyone in the world, including me, but you know Richard, it seems like only yesterday...
- [flashes back to when they reviewed the movie for the first time four months ago]
- Roger Ebert: No, no, no, no, no. You can't! You can not... you can *not*... you can *not* give this movie thumbs down!
- Richard Roeper: [points along his thumb] Thumb... pointing... down.
- Roger Ebert: [flashes back to present] How could you of been so wrong?
- Roger Ebert: [reviewing "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer"] Yeah, that's the ole reliable scene where a perfectly innocent person does a completely insane thing and is mistaken by somebody who is scared out of her wits to begin with. That's the best friend and roommate in the closet, now why didn't she turn on the lights where she came into the apartment where she lived? Why did she make creeky noises? Why did she hide in the closet when she knows that her best friend has been terrified of slashers for the last twelve months? I'll tell you why, because a movie like "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer" is so bankrupt of ideas, that it can't come up with interesting clichés.
- Roger Ebert: [later in the review] "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer" is a deadening series of setups and slashings, setups and slashings, setups and slashings, and for its viewers, it's a waste of ninety precious minutes that they can *never* get back. Just think Gene, that's three hours between the two of us, if you multiply that by the thousands of the people who will see this movie, it adds up to months, years, even *centuries* lost forever to the human race.
- Richard Roeper: At least the thugs from "3000 Miles to Graceland" look like grown-up tough guys, unlike the teeny-bopper idols in "American Outlaws" who couldn't punch their way out of a casting call for a Gap commercial.
- Richard Roeper: And here I thought "Dumb & Dumberer" was going to be the worst Jim Carrey-free sequel I see in my life, believe it or not, "Son of the Mask" is even worse!
- [reviewing "Clifford"]
- Roger Ebert: [surprised] You took... kids to see this? This is the kind of movie where after kids see this, they should see "The Good Son" to cheer themselves up!
- Gene Siskel: Okay. That was about a killer, wasn't it?
- Gene Siskel: [referring to "North"] Well, I think you've got to hold Rob Reiner's feet to the fire here: he's the guy in charge, he's saying this is entertainment - it's deplorable. There isn't a gag that works. You couldn't write worse jokes if I told you to write worse jokes. The ethnic stereotyping is appalling, it's embarrassing, you feel unclean as you're sitting there; it's junk - first-class junk.
- [reviewing "Saw"]
- Richard Roeper: Later, we're given reason to believe *Glover's* character could be the killer, or maybe it's... somebody else. Whoever it is, I guess he has the strength of Mr. Incredible, because he kidnaps all these victims, and he can carry them to the appointed torture chamber, and then he *watches* them self destruct, because, of course, he has more webcams than the girls at voyeurdorm.com.
- Michael Phillips: [after Roeper gives "Hell Ride" a positive review] Rich, the late Joey Bishop would come back from the grave and say, "Son, nyuck!" This film doesn't work as, you know, jokey sadism. It doesn't work as a straight action picture. Uh... did you... did you really see it?
- Richard Roeper: I did see it.
- [later in the review]
- Richard Roeper: I wish I had a Chevy Nova and a drive-in and I'd go see it again.
- Gene Siskel: two tumbs up on terminator 2 judment day they spent alot of money on this movie they are going to get it back.
- Roger Ebert: you woyld tell people not to go see casno i am shocked i can think of 100 films this id tell people not to see before this one and i think its better than that.
- Richard Roeper: i read a review that said lady killers was tom hankd best movie since forrest gump. but i thought it was his worst movie since turner and hooch.
- Roger Ebert: predator works on the level its supose its summer entertainment it has excitement and i like how they filmed it in a real jungle instead if on back lot somewhere.
- Richard Roeper: [reviewing "The Spongebob Squarepants Movie"] If college kids find this entertaining, they must be on drugs!
- Roger Ebert: [reviewing "Freddy Got Fingered"] What is the most disgusting film of 2001? Well, let's see, in a field that includes "See Spot Run", "Monkeybone", "Tomcats", and "Joe Dirt", so we've got some great contenders; the champion is "Freddy Got Fingered", with Tom Green making David Spade look like Jim Carrey, and Jim Carrey look like Laurence Olivier.
- Roger Ebert: [after Shales gives "The Other Sister" a negative review] Gee, I liked it a lot less than you did.
- Gene Siskel: [criticising Roger's thumbs up for "Gorilla's in the Mist"] You're only saying you like the film because apes and a woman are there, and they look pretty.
- Richard Roeper: If there's one movie from 2008 you should avoid at all costs, that movie would be "Funny Games". The fact that it features fine performances, talented direction, and some moments of genuine suspense only make the end product that much more grotesque, and appalling.
- [later in the review]
- Michael Phillips: Well, I think it's a date movie, Richard, as long as you're da... as long as you're dating... Charles Manson, or Squeaky Fromme, or something.
- [reviewing "10,000 BC"]
- Michael Phillips: It's like an insane mash up between "Ice Age 2" and "Apocalypto", two movies that aren't really as much fun as this one, *I say*. It's about 10,000 pounds of cheese on a cracker, and Richard, now and then, know what I'm in the mood for? 10,000 *pounds of cheese* on a cracker.
- Roger Ebert: [reviewing Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy] I did not laugh once. I thought this movie was awful, dreadful, terrible, stupid, idiotic, unfunny, waver, forced, painful, bad.
- Roger Ebert: TWO TUMBS DOWN WAY DOWN ON THE DREADFUL COMEDY CALLED BLACK SHEEP GENE WALKED ON IT AND I WISH I WOULD HAVE.
- Roger Ebert: this movie elf was a real suprise to me because i thought i would hate it and well i sort of loved it.
- Gene Siskel: now its timw for my pick of the worst film of 1994 i thought about making it mixed nuts because that movie was awful but then i thought of a movie that is even worse than mixed nuts and its north.
- Roger Ebert: our next movies is called ernest scared stupid. and though there have beb 3 earlier ernest pictures and i try to see pretty much everthing some hoe those other 3 escaped me and my seeing my first Ernest film did not film with the urge to rent the other 3 and catch with up his adventures.
- Roger Ebert: are next movie is called jury wick stars pauly shore who is to me anyway like long finger nails being driven very slowly across a giant black board
- Roger Ebert: i relly miss my freind and collage gene siskel and a day goes by thst do not think about him.
- Roger Ebert: when i walked into this movie the jarky boys gene i saw all these kid s going in there and they had jerky boy hats on and jerky boy jackets but then when they came out i heard them say oh man that sucked.
- Roger Ebert: who framed roger rabbit is one of those rare home runa hollywood hits every once in a while not only is it great entettainmfrom start to finish you are often asking yourself how did they do that?
- Roger Ebert: back to school had rodney dangerfield in his best role yet. i was surprised at how much i liked this movie.
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