Iron Eagle

Ahhh, to be twelve years old again. I'm pretty sure if I was still that age, I would have loved this preposterous medley of bad acting, copious amounts of Queen's "One Vision" and senseless explosions. Sadly (and I do mean that), I've grown up and can recognize IRON EAGLE for what it is... and while it's not god-awful, it's not all that good, either.

IRON EAGLE is the story of new high school grad Doug Masters (Jason Gedrick, whom you'd recognize from CROSSING THE BRIDGE and ONE EYED KING had you ever heard of those movies). His fighter pilot dad has been captured by an evil Middle East country for illegally entering its territory (imagine that!). Now papa's gonna be hung and nobody in the US of A is ready to do anything about... 'cept Doug. So our hero steals military intelligence and an F-16 fighter jet (it's quite easy, really... just get your friends to distract army dudes by 'accidentially' spilling juice on their shirts and stuff). With the help of bright spot Louis Gossett Jr., he soars in to save the day.

IRON EAGLE actually starts out promising. You might even be willing to forgive its ludicrousness, but it gradually morphs into a meaningless series of fireballs and clichéd dialog. It seems perfectly content to dish out cheap thrills to violence-obsessed boys, and do nothing more. It's also too long and at times borders on the laughable. The film still has a certain charm, but unless your night is slower than molasses, you'll want to skip it.