- [opening narration]
- Narrator: The story you are about to see is a fib, but it's short. The names are made up, but the problems are real.
- Narrator: [closing line of I. M. Peeved's mugshot sequence] He went to prison, where he learned to like math, teaches it to others, and has become an advisor to a show called Square One TV.
- Narrator: [closing line of Morris Norris's mugshot sequence] He spent the next 20 years in rock 'n roll... he piles rocks and he eats rolls.