- Deak: Do you have any idea what we are gonna do to you, if we find one itty, bitty scratch on 'em?
- Shep Ramsey: Let me guess. You're gonna pound my face. Break every bone in my body. Then you're gonna drag me across a gravel road and feed my remains to a warthog. Is that about right?
- Deak: What are you nuts? This is the '90s. We're gonna sue you.
- Charlie Wilcox: Look, I'm your landlord. I bring you an extra bar of soap when you need it. Perhaps I can help stop the occasional bank robbery. But being the target of intergalactic bounty hunters is a little out of my line!
- Shep Ramsey: They're here.
- Charlie Wilcox: Who's here?
- Shep Ramsey: A couple of leeches that make their living of the blood of others.
- Charlie Wilcox: Investment bankers?
- Shep Ramsey: Bounty hunters!
- Charlie Wilcox: Bounty hunters? You mean from up there?
- Shep Ramsey: [awoken by the sounds of people chattering all over] Quiet!
- [chattering stops, with the exception of a cricket chirping]
- Shep Ramsey: [to the cricket] Hey!
- [chirping stops]
- Shep Ramsey: What am I gonna do for six weeks?
- Commander: Why don't you try... relaxing?
- [shep makes a face]
- Commander: Disappear, Shep. Blend in. Get to know the locals.
- Shep Ramsey: But I...
- Commander: [interrupting firmly] consider it an order... Ramsey.
- Shep Ramsey: [commander's face disappears; to himself] Six weeks. What am I gonna do for six weeks...?
- [Shep catches a little girl who went airborne when he tried to get her cat out of a tree]
- Little Girl: Whoa! Thanks.
- Shep Ramsey: Get a goldfish.
- Shep Ramsey: Where's my N-210 Algorizer?
- Margie Tanen: [points a gun at Shep] All right, drop him, Kong.
- Charlie Wilcox: It's OK, Margie, this is a friend of mine.
- Margie Tanen: Well, then, take it outside. You know, maintenance has enough work to do without your blood on the carpet.
- Shep Ramsey: [sees little girl crying] What?
- Little Girl: [crying] My cat. My cat!
- [Shep sees a cat in the nearby tree, bends branch downward]
- Little Girl: That's not my cat!
- Shep Ramsey: Oh.
- [releases branch, sending the cat flying]
- Shep Ramsey: I hate suburbia.
- Adrian Beltz: [Meeting with Japanese Businessmen] Look who's here! Welcome! Konichiwa! Konichiwa! Just trying to rival that celebrated Japanese sense of employee relations you people are born with or so it seems.
- Zukaki: [speaking Japanese] I think I'm gonna hate this guy.
- Kim: [Beltz doesn't speak Japanese and Kim translates] Uh, Mr. Zukaki says he is very impressed with your knowledge of his culture.
- Zukaki: [to Kim in Japanese] Coward.
- Adrian Beltz: [Beltz is showing the Japanese businessmen around an unfinished part of the building where he awards are being displayed] By the way, do you like it in here? It's finished. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, but this is the way his building is going to look. These are all jokes. Anyway, take a look. Seriously, over here fellas. See that space? That's how confident I am about this project, I'm unveiling it at the signing.
- Zukaki: [in Japanese] Boy, when this guy shovels it, he uses both hands.
- Col. Dustin 'Dusty' McHowell: [after Charlie nearly gets run over by the punks in the Camaro] Weak strategy Wilcox! Should've opened the door wider, always deal from strength!
- Charlie Wilcox: They would've ripped the door off Colonel!
- Gen. Suitor: I do wish you'd face facts and tell your people to surrender.
- President Hashina: No! I will not ask my people to serve a sadistic, egotistical, homicidal maniac!
- Gen. Suitor: I don't think I'm egotistical! Proud, maybe...
- Gen. Suitor: this is pleasent ive been dreaming about this moment ever since you blew up my ship i dident like that.
- Charlie Wilcox: i cant beleave the apartment to that guy hes encoumeous if it came down to it im sure i could protect you againist a guy like that.
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