Diane Keaton: Carol Lipton
Photos
Quotes
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[last lines]
Carol Lipton : You were jealous of Ted.
Larry Lipton : Ted, you've gotta be kidding, take away his elevator shoes and his fake suntan and his capped teeth and what do you have?
Carol Lipton : You!
Larry Lipton : Right, I like that!
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Carol Lipton : Larry, I think she's dead!
Larry Lipton : Try giving her the present.
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Carol Lipton : I don't understand why you're not more fascinated with this! I mean, we could be living next door to a murderer, Larry.
Larry Lipton : Well, New York is a melting pot! I'm used to it!
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Carol Lipton : Helen Dubin's wrong for Ted. She's too mousey.
Larry Lipton : Well, he's a little mousey. They could have their little rodent time together, they could eat cheese together...
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Carol Lipton : Well, listen, I think maybe I will go back to seeing my shrink, I think, I think I...
Larry Lipton : You don't have to see your shrink, there's nothing wrong with you that can't be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet.
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Larry Lipton : Oh, God. I can't wait to get into bed and stretch out. You know, there's a Bob Hope movie on television later.
Carol Lipton : I know. Do you believe this guy in Indiana? He killed twelve victims, dismembered them, and ate them.
Larry Lipton : Really? Well, it's an alternative lifestyle.
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Carol Lipton : Larry, I think it's time we reevaluated our lives.
Larry Lipton : I've reevaluated our lives; I got a 10, you got a 6.
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Larry Lipton : Jesus, couldn't you keep the conversation going a little longer in there? I was signaling you frantically.
Carol Lipton : I was just trying to be neighborly.
Larry Lipton : Neighborly? If this guy showed me his stamp collection one more time - my favorite thing in life is to, you know, look at cancelled postage.
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Carol Lipton : Look at you, you're all white.
Larry Lipton : All the blood rushed to my brother!
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Carol Lipton : I mean, we've got nothing in common, that's for sure. Now that, now that Nick's grown up, I mean, you know, we're just left facing each other.
Larry Lipton : You got stuff in common with Ted, right? You can cook together with Ted, or you can take your clothes off and baste a chicken with him.
Carol Lipton : Oh, right. Oh, oh, well, what about you and Marcia, huh? What does she teach you besides poker? That's what I'd like to know, okay?
Larry Lipton : Mud wrestling. Is that what you want to hear? Nothing, I'm her editor.
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Paul House : Well, what do you buy a woman who has everything?
Lillian House : We already own twin cemetery plots.
Larry Lipton : I always think a Bentley is in good taste. Or, you could go the route I did and buy her a set of handkerchiefs.
Carol Lipton : Well, they were very nice though, and they had my initials.
Larry Lipton : Yeah, and I didn't even know her size.
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Carol Lipton : You know I've never seen a dead body before.
Larry Lipton : I have. My uncle Morris, 93 years old. He collapsed from too many lumps in his cereal.
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Carol Lipton : Larry, he had her cremated.
Larry Lipton : How do you know it was her? Did the ashes resemble Mrs. House?
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Carol Lipton : A bus. It passed me and she was on it.
Larry Lipton : The dead woman passed you on the bus? Which bus was this? The bus to heaven?
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Carol Lipton : Larry, is this the most exciting thing that's ever happened to us in our whole marriage?
Larry Lipton : This is too exciting. I don't need this. You know, I like something - I like a fishing trip or Father's Day, you know, or the time we saw Bing Crosby walking down 5th Avenue. You know, I don't need a murder to - to enliven my life at all.
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Carol Lipton : What are you doing? Hey, what are you doing with matches?
Larry Lipton : These are my matches.
Carol Lipton : Wait a minute, when were you at the Café des Artistes?
Larry Lipton : I was with an author, an authoress.
Carol Lipton : At Café des Artistes?
Larry Lipton : A French - A French authoress.
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Carol Lipton : I'm surprised you two didn't drool yourselves to death.
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Carol Lipton : What? You think she's Ted's type? Is that...
Larry Lipton : Ted's type? She's anybody's type. She's brilliant. She's talented...
Carol Lipton : You know, you're pupils are dilating. I want to tell you that.
Larry Lipton : She's *dangerously* sexual.
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Ted : I like this woman, she's lurid.
Carol Lipton : Let me tell you why, he's not going to believe us, okay.
Larry Lipton : Yeah, first of all, because I can't - I can't bluff or lie without giggling.
Carol Lipton : No, because, if we really had the body, why tell him? Why not go straight to the police?
Marcia Fox : If you tell the cops, you can't shake 'em down.
Ted : Oh, she's wicked.
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[first lines]
Larry Lipton : C'mon, you promised to sit through the hockey game without being bored,
Carol Lipton : [overlapping] I know, honey, I promised.
Larry Lipton : and I'll sit through the Wagner opera with you next week.
Carol Lipton : I know.
Larry Lipton : I already bought the earplugs.
Carol Lipton : Yeah, well, with your eyesight I'm surprised you can see the puck. Wow, yay, come on.
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Carol Lipton : These are my - floating islands.
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Larry Lipton : He wants to go on vacation or something.
Carol Lipton : Yeah, where? Oh, I know where. Ha, ha. Snorkeling, right?
Larry Lipton : So what? Different strokes. You know, he has fun sitting at the bottom of the water, face-to-face with squid.
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Carol Lipton : Oh, I know. I know. What about this: what if they had a big insurance policy? Or, something like that?
Larry Lipton : Too much "Double Indemnity."
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Larry Lipton : What do you mean you snuck into his apartment? Are you nuts!
Carol Lipton : Stop being such a fuddy-dude.
Larry Lipton : A fuddy-dude? What are you talking about? That's a crime! You can't do that. That's burglary and breaking and entering. What has gotten into you lately?
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Carol Lipton : It was a cinch. I took the key and I just let myself in.
Larry Lipton : Look, I don't want to - you'll wind up rooming with John Gotti! You can't do that. You can't just steal a key and go into somebody's apartment.
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Carol Lipton : Something is very strange here. He left these out and ready. I think the whole thing is really sinister.
Larry Lipton : It's the eye of the beholder. What you have to - you have to go to the eye doctor and get happy glasses.
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Carol Lipton : For some reason you've gotten so stodgy in your old age.
Larry Lipton : Hey, you remember there was a movie house just right on this corner.
Carol Lipton : Yes!
Larry Lipton : Not to change the subject. I took you to see "Last Year at Marienbad" on our first date.
Carol Lipton : Yeah, I know. I had to explain it to you for the next six months!
Larry Lipton : Who knew they were flashbacks?
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[repeated line]
Carol Lipton : If only Ted were with us.
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Carol Lipton : She's a twin. She's not a twin. I mean, now you're saying we're twins? What are you nuts?
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Carol Lipton : My God, you kept staring into her eyes like she was the dragon lady or something.
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Marcia Fox : Remember that book you recommended to me? "Murder in Manhattan"?
Larry Lipton : Oh, yes! Max Schindler's book. That's right, the phone call. This is perfect.
Carol Lipton : I don't remember that book. You never mentioned that book to me.
Larry Lipton : No, no. Because you don't like light reading. So I...
Carol Lipton : Since when don't I like light reading, Larry?
