I can only assume that this is the work of a completely different John Woo, i.e. some vodka-sodden squinting tramp by the same name who managed to get caught up in some kind of top-quality mistaken identity farce. If not, then Dolph Lundgren may as well throw himself out of a top floor window right now, because if not even John Woo can make you look cool, you don't stand a chance.
In fact, what's the exact opposite of 'cool'? That's the only way to describe this film. I saw it on TV, and I'd still have felt cheated if I hadn't been laughing so much. How my sides ached at the sight of Dolph Lundgren sitting in a big lake of milk, trying to look all serious and pained as another meaningless flashback kicked in to further the cause of the most hilariously stupid cinematic premise in the history of everything in the world ever. "Oh yes, I've got this phobia of white things, but only sometimes when the bullets stop flying and we need to stop the audience from changing channels." And even that doesn't work.
He looks old, as well. If they're going to do (snigger) Masters of the Universe II, they'd better (snort) hurry up and get on with it...
Ah, me. The only advice I can give you is this: if you don't start laughing within the first ten minutes of Blackjack, give it up.
