A takeoff seemingly in name only on Dick Clark's $10,000 PYRAMID, THE $50,000 CLIMAX SHOW has little to do with its inspiration, instead providing an anarchic array of sexual "contests" that make very little sense and generally fail to generate much heat.

Admirably committed to its premise, CLIMAX presents one night in the broadcast of the titular show, a late-night, adults-only hit. Hosted by J. P. Paradine (the actor; the character is unnamed), doing less a Dick Clark than a total psycho, the show makes very little sense, with Paradine hopping around like a jackrabbit and introducing various confusing "contests" like The Pokey Pull, where the girls have to... well, "pull" their partner's "pokey" - it's a masturbation contest (though who on Earth calls a penis a "pokey" is I'm still trying to ascertain).

Dropping viewers in during the middle of the show, the film takes only one break, where the host heads backstage after the first skit to find the program's sleazy producer - obviously gay het-hardcore character actor Kevin Andre - taking liberties with a prospective female contestant (grinning and bearing it, Andre offers a noncommittal bout of cunnilingus). Ending up fired from the show, Paradine calls his mother to complain and breaks down in hysterics, but by the next scene, he's back onstage, the incident never alluded to again until the end.

The rest of the film stays the course as Paradine guides the contestants through a number of not terribly erotic "games," including a glory hole penis guessing contest (the mystery member belongs to Marc Stevens, who figures heavily in the film's second half), a contest of sexual acrobatics (standing sex), and a concluding orgy that requires the constants get four different people off before the bell, with that fourth orgasm garnering the titular $50,000.

Very little of this is sexy, because it's all smothered in Paradine's nonstop histrionics - even when the film slows down for a prolonged sex sequence, it's still stuck with his endless squalling over it. Beyond that, the eponymous "game" appears to have no discernable structure, with random people paired together with no rhyme or reason and all the "contests" essentially boiling down to "have sex with each other," which makes any element of narrative or suspense a non-starter.

Aside from Paradine's mugging, the other most bizarre element is an extended mid-film interview with Stevens, who sits in a chair pants-less for five minutes and hawks his new (and very real) autobiography, "10 ½." Deliriously towing the line between a joke and a real ad, this segment stops the film cold (not that it was going anywhere anyway) but is absolutely fascinating nonetheless. (One wishes it were still so easy to run to the local bookshop and grab a copy of Marc's tell-all!) For what it's worth, Stevens - often as loathed as he is loved among vintage porn fans - generates what small charm I managed to find in the film, providing some able schtupping and a welcome bit of subdued comedy to counter Paradine's nonstop yowling.

Less a porn movie than a psychotic off-Broadway performance inflicted on unwilling smut fans, there's very little out there like THE $50,000 CLIMAX SHOW. I have no idea who credited director "James Wood" is, but given Paradine's, Andre's, and notorious switch-hitter Stevens' presence in the cast, one suspects he might have been a member of the lavender set, if not one of those three themselves. Either way, the whole production smacks of "gay guys making a straight porn flick," with its constant deference to high camp at the expense of sexual heat. YMMV regarding whether that equates with entertainment, but one thing's for sure: you certainly won't forget it.