- Sherry: [jumping into bed beside "Big Momma" during the storm] I remember how it used to storm like this when I was a little girl. You would wrap your arms around me, and it felt like nothing in the world could ever hurt me.
- Malcolm Turner: [wrapping his arms around Sherry] It feels so damn good.
- Sherry: [feeling a jab in her back from Malcolm's "arousal"] Big Momma, what's that?
- Malcolm Turner: [pulls out a flashlight] That's just my flashlight. The storm knocked out all the power so I had to get a big ol' flashlight.
- Sherry: [interrupting the conversation they were having when she feels another jab in the back] Big Momma, is there another flashlight under there?
- Sherry: Oh, it's so good to see you, Big Momma. I thought you may forgotten all about me.
- Malcolm Turner: [as Big Momma] Shut your mouth, child. Oh, Big Momma could never forget that ass...
- Sherry: What?
- Malcolm Turner: [as Big Momma] ... ma. Asthma. Do you remember you had asthma?
- Ben: I've been waiting on this moment ever since I first laid eyes on you.
- Malcolm Turner: [as Big Momma] Ben, whatever you started in that bed, trust me, you're going to finish alone!
- Nolan: Now lets say you walking down the street, strutting yo stuff, and someby yells out and screams "Hey baby! Why don't you back that thing up and show me whatcha got and whatcha gon do?"
- Malcolm Turner: [as Big Momma] I'd say I got a size 10, and I'm about to cram it up his boney ass! Hmm.
- Basketball Teen #1: Oh so granny think she got game?
- Malcolm Turner: [as Big Momma] Oh yes i got game. and i got two words for you im back.
- Basketball Teen #2: You to fat to be ballin'!
- Malcolm Turner: [as Big Momma] Say what? You look like a damn shaved bird!
- [Trent giggles]
- Malcolm Turner: I've seen a lot of scary shit in my days, but damn that was a lot of ass.
- John: [while icing his balls] I think I need a splint or something.
- Malcolm Turner: [as Big Mommma] Ben, if you wanna get with m-... I mean, you will never get with me understand? And even if i was interested, which I definitely am not! you'd be going about it completely the wrong way.
- Ben: Well how am I supposed to go about it then?
- Malcolm Turner: [as Big Momma] You don't come in a woman's house and lead with ya sha boink boink! Women don't respond to that!
- Malcolm Turner: [as Big Momma, speaking to other ladies whilst pinning Nolan on the ground and holding his arm] Most attackers, they seek out people who look like they can't defend themselves.
- [to Nolan]
- Malcolm Turner: Ain't that right, Nolan?
- Nolan: [in high-pitched voice] Yes.
- [whimpering]
- [strange knocking on Door]
- Sherry: Oh, would you like me for me to get that for you?
- Malcolm Turner: [as Big Momma] Uh, no, I got it, Sher. Uh just a second!
- [walks to the front door to answer it]
- Malcolm Turner: I wonder
- [pulls out his gun]
- Malcolm Turner: who this could be surprising me this time of evening? I say, I wonder who could be at my door so late at night?
- [gasps as Ben Rawley reaches for him after opening the door]
- Ben: There's my sugar!
- [sticks his tongue out]
- Ben: MMM!
- Malcolm Turner: [as Big Momma] Oh! You better put that nasty-ass tongue back in your mouth before I
- [shoves Ben Rawley]
- Malcolm Turner: rip it out!
- Ben: Yes, Ma'am. My mouth is closed.
- [reaches for Malcolm dressed as Big Momma]
- Ben: But these hands is open for business.
- [Malcolm as Big Momma exclaims as he pushes Ben Rawley away from him and slams the door]
- Malcolm Turner: [12:22] I done seen a lot of scary shit in my day but DAMN that was a whole lotta ass!
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