Allumeuses ! (2002)

Cameron Diaz: Christina

Photos 

Quotes 

• Courtney : How could you not know what a glory hole is?

  Christina : Well unlike my WHORE friend Courtney Rockcliff, I don't usually spend much time in men's public bathrooms.

• Christina : Wanna hear some poetry? There once was a man from Bandoo. Who fell asleep in a canoe. He dreamed of Venus and played with his penis and woke up with a hand full of goo!

• Christina : You're too big to fit in here...

  [covers her front] 

  Courtney : Too big to fit in HERE...

  [smacks butt] 

  Courtney : OW! Unh!

  Jane : Too big to fit in here...

  [covers mouth and moans] 

  Christina : [Patrons begin playing music and drumming on things]  Oh, my God!

  Courtney : Oh my god, we are in Fame right now!

  Christina , Jane , Courtney : [All singing]  What a lovely ride

  Jane : Your penis is a thrill!

  Christina : Your penis is a Cadillac!

  Courtney : A giant Coupe DeVille!

  Christina , Jane , Courtney : [All singing]  Your penis packs a wallop, your penis brings a load.

  Courtney : And when it makes delivery...

  Christina : It needs its own zip code! Nine-double zero PENIS!

• Christina : Ew! What is that?

  Courtney : What is what?

  Christina : You don't smell that?

  Courtney : Smell what? I don't smell anything.

  Christina : Oh Jesus! You're used to it, and that's, that's what's really scary!

  Courtney : I don't smell anything!

  Christina : It smells like moldy ass is what it smells like in here!

  Courtney : Wait a minute, come to think of it, I did leave some ass in the back.

  Christina : You did!

  Courtney : I did, about a week a ago. I did, it's the ass! It must be the ass!

• [while holding her breasts] 

  Christina : You know when I was 22, my breasts were up here, nice and perky, but gravity has taken them. It's like 22, 28, 22, 28, 22...

  Courtney : Buy some new ones!

• Christina : I got a penis in my eye.

  Courtney : Let me see.

  Christina : How is it? Is it okay?

  Courtney : Yeah, it's okay, but I think you're pregnant.

• Christina : [Reading]  Follow the yellow brick road? Huh! I'm following the yellow brick road... following the yellow brick...

  Christina : [Comes across a picture of a dog with a hole in its mouth, she gasps]  MUFFY! You look like my old doggy Muffy! What's in your mouth? What's in your mouth?

  [more seriously] 

  Christina : What do you got in there?

  [looks into the hole] 

  Man in the Glory Hole : Surprise!

• Christina : Don't go looking for Mr. Right. Look for Mr. Right Now.

• Voice : There's someone in here.

  Christina : Sorry.

  Voice : It might be a while.

  Christina : How long?

  Voice : Let me put it to you this way. I had Lamb Curry last night and I'm shitting out a Buick!

  Courtney : Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that?

• Courtney : Maybe it's you. Did somethin' crawl up your poonani?

  Christina : Hey! I have never had any complaints in the poonani odor department!

  Courtney : Yeah! Well neither have I, okay!

  Christina : High five on the clean poonani!

  [Gives a high five] 

  Courtney : Bitch!

• Christina : How are you stuck?

  Andy : I have a piercing...

  [the entire crowd recoils in shock] 

  San Francisco Policeman #2 : I don't get it, how are they stuck?

  Male bystander : [smiles]  Behind her tonsils

  San Francisco Policeman #2 : How do you know that?

  [Awkward pause] 

• [after knocking over a flower arrangement and disrupting an entire wedding] 

  Courtney : This isn't the Glichtman Barmitzvah is it? Mosha are you in here, no?

  Christina : Come along Sharron. Mazeltov! Shalom!

• Christina : I wasn't suggesting that the two of you get married, I just thought maybe you could get it on!

• [Courtney and Christina look at reflection of themselves dressed in ridiculous clothes] 

  Christina , Courtney : These are..."The Days Of Our Lives"!

  Christina : *This* is not discreet, okay?

  Courtney : [chuckling]  No, it isn't.

  Christina : We are not gonna be able to walk into a wedding...

  Courtney : Oh, come on, it's *very* La Toya Jackson.

  Christina : [as the wind blows off her hat and she chases after it]  I mean, really, look at all this, I may as well strap a sign on my ass that says "Stalker." I am not going there wearing this outfit So can we please just go?

  Courtney : Yes, let's go. Let's go home.

  Christina : Really?

  Courtney : Yeah. I mean, we've driven for three and a half hours and everything, but, no, let's go.

• Christina , Courtney : Jane! JANEYYY!

  Jane : Sorry you guys, I'm really busy and...

  Christina , Courtney : Hey, wait, Jane

  [they begin singing] 

  Christina , Courtney : "Do you like Pina Coladas? And getting caught in the rain...?"

  Jane : [Watches her boyfriend in his mascot outfit topple down a flight of stairs]  ... shit!

• Waitress : It's oozing and it's green!

  [the music suddenly stops] 

  Christina : Eeew!

• Christina , Jane , Courtney : [All Singing]  What a lovely ride!

  Jane : Your penis is a thrill!

  Christina : Your penis is a Cadillac

  Jane : A giant Coupe DeVille!

  Christina , Jane , Courtney : [All singing]  Your penis packs a wallop, your penis brings a load!

  Christina : And when it makes delivery...

  Christina , Jane , Courtney : [All singing]  It needs its own zipcode

  Christina : Nine-Double Zero, Penis!

• [Christina, Courtney and Jane are singing "The Penis Song"] 

  Courtney : My body is a movie.

  Dancer : And your penis is the star.

  Christina , Courtney : Starring your penis

  [Both Christina and Courtney gives the Older Women a kiss on the check] 

• Courtney : [as Jane arrives]  Hi, honey.

  Christina : Hi. How did it go?

  Jane : Fine. No problem.

  Christina : Good.

  Courtney : So, did we have fun last night?

  Jane : Yes, I did. It was great. You guys were absolutely right. A transition guy was just what I needed.

  Christina : Good. How was he? Was he good?

  Jane : He was very... sweet and complimentary. And very into pleasing me first.

  Courtney : So how was, uh, how was girth?

  Jane : Average-ish.

  Christina : Average-ish. That's good. So, what did you tell him?

  Jane : What do you mean?

  Courtney : What do we always tell them no matter what?

  Jane : Oh.

  [goes through fake repertoire] 

  Jane : Oh! My God! Your penis is so... *big!*

  Courtney : *Good girl.*

  [chuckles] 

  Christina : [holding glass like it's the real thing]  Your penis is so *thick!*

  Courtney : [does her thing holding a flower vase as well]  Oh! Your penis is so pretty!

  Christina , Courtney , Jane : [Jane picks up glass as well]  Oh! You got a handsome dick!

  [Jane even licks her glass] 

  Christina : Your penis is so... *hard!*

  [pretends to have orgasm] 

  Courtney : Your penis is just so... *large!*

  Christina : My body is a movie...

  Christina , Courtney , Jane : ...and your penis is the *star!*