- Ricky: [to Randy] Listen man, if you go down to the store and pick me up some "ja-lap-ano" chips and $2 worth of pepperoni, I'll hang out with you for a bit.
- Randy: Does anyone else want anything while I'm down there?
- Julian: [pronouncing Jalapeño correctly] Yeah, pick me up a bag of Jalapeño chips.
- Ricky: Jalapeño? What flavor is that?
- Julian: Ricky, the J is silent. You're saying it wrong.
- Bubbles: The J is like an H, Ricky. "Hal-a-peeno", not "ja-lap-ano".
- Ricky: [confused] What in the fuck are you guys talking about?
- Bubbles: "Hal-a-peeno". That's how you pronounce it.
- Ricky: I know how to pronounce it! I ordered fuckin' ja-lap-ano!
- Mr. Lahey: Why don't you get a life Rick? Why don't ya go to community college like Julian here. Hey, I got a good idea. You could teach, livin' in a car and growin' dope 101.
- Ricky: Hehe. And you can teach how to get drunk, get fired from the police force become a... lousy trailer park supervisor that sucks, hangs around with a fuckin' idiot that doesn't wear a shirt and looks like a dick but thinks he looks good... 101.
- [taking out bullet's from Ricky's gunshot wound for the second time in one day]
- Sam Losco: I knew a guy who got shot twice in one day, he was a real dick.
- Ricky: Oh look, we got us a comedian... wait a sec, were you calling me a dick?
- Sam Losco: What do you think?
- Ricky: [pauses and looks at the camera] Was he calling me a dick?
- Ricky: I try to be a role model for kids around the park. If some kid wants to grow dope, they can come talk to me, instead of growing dope 6 or 7 times through denial and error, they're going to get it right the first time and have some good dope.
- Ricky: I love all creatures like gophers and deerts, and those things that fly and everything else, but fuck seagulls. I got no time for those cocksuckers.
- Ricky: You know, your thoughts might be better than mine but I have thoughts going around in my head too about different thinkings and brain things that you can use... and doing different things... and I think I know what's best for my daughter. So fuck off and let me fix the brakes for my daughter and then I'll help you with the hash. You guys don't always know what's best. My fuckin' thoughts have feelings of their own too sometimes.
- Bubbles: Ricky, what are you talking about?
- Ricky: I don't know, Bubbles. I don't know.
- Jacob Collins: Baaaaaaaaaaam!
- Phil Collins: Peanut butter and jaaaaaaaaaaam!
- Mr. Lahey: What the fuck are you doing, Phil?
- Ricky: I'd say we got about a ten per cent chance of gettin' out of this one boys.
- Officer George Green: [from out the window] Attention, this is the police. Come out with your hands up...
- Ricky: Is that George Green?
- Bubbles: That's definitely George Green.
- Ricky: Wicked. Okay, forget what I said, our chances just went up to about ninety five per cent.
- [Ricky drives to the police station, trying to get himself arrested]
- Ricky: 'Closed for renovations'? This is fucked!
- Ricky: I mean, nobody wants to admit they ate nine cans of ravioli, but I did. I'm ashamed of myself. The first can doesn't count, then you get to the second and third, fourth and fifth I think I burnt with the blowtorch, and then I just kept eatin'.
- Cory: J-Roc raps about gangsters & guns, pimps & hos and Compton. The guy's not from Compton. He's a white kid from a trailer park. He should rap about what he really knows which is living in his mom's trailer eating peanut butter sandwiches.
- Ricky: The thing with kids and growings and getting learnings and stuff is that... You can't lie to them. Basically, if you wanna tell the children they can't do something they're gonna want to do it more. When I was young I did all kinds of crazy shit and I turned out wicked. That's because my dad was fuckin' cool, he let me do shit. I was allowed to drive his car around the park, basically took my dirt bike to school, let me grow dope in his shed in grade 7. You know, that's what good parenting is all about. You gotta let them have a bit of freedom.
- Randy: I can't get stoned, Ricky.
- Ricky: What do you mean? It's shitty work. Everybody does that, all right? Carpenters, electricians, dishwashers, floor cleaners, lawyers, doctors, fuckin' politicians, CBC employees, principals, people who paint the lines on the fuckin' roads, get stoned, it'll be fun, get to work! Oh, and this is the most important, go down to the Shit-Mart. I need a bag of chicken chips. If they don't have chicken, get me dill pickle. And I want a chocolate milk.
- Ricky: Boys, what the fuck is up with me getting shot with three darts, and it didn't even affect me? I must be like a superhero or something.
- Julian: Maybe you've got so much dope in your system, you're immune, Rick.
- Bubbles: Well, if that's the case, then Julian, he is like a superhero. Holy fuck, Ricky, you know who you are? You're Dope-Man! He can smoke a pound in a single bound.
- Ricky: [Hallucinating while peeing against the side of a building] Telling me to fuck myself? No you fuck off you little fuck!
- Julian: Rick, who the hell are you talking to?
- Ricky: Fucking squirrel on my shoulder just told me to fuck off!
- Bubbles: Ricky, you're hallucinating!
- Julian: Listen, get a hold of yourself Ricky... Ricky you just pissed on me!
- Ricky: Well you pulled me away!
- Julian: Listen, pretend you're on mushrooms, alright? Just go with it.
- Bubbles: Here's what I know, Rick. If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, you own it. If it doesn't, you don't own it. And if it doesn't you're an asshole, just like you.
- Mr. Lahey: Randy just doesn't understand. I mean I love him dearly, but I hate Ricky more. I just don't want to have to put up with that prick for the rest of my life. You know, he grew up as a little shit-spark from the old shit-flint. And then he turned into a shit-bonfire and then driven by the winds of his monumental ignorance, he turned into a raging shit-firestorm. If I get to be married to Barb i'll have total control of Sunnyvale, and then I can unleash a shitnami tidal wave that'll engulf Ricky and extinguish his shit-flames forever. And with any luck, he'll drown in the undershit of that wave. Shit-waves.
- Ricky: I mean how many fathers can give a nine-year-old daughter a car? I'm just happy I'm in a position where I can do something like that.
- [arguing with Julian about buying a wedding ring]
- Ricky: I'm not getting Lucy one of those 'Cubic Zarcarbian' fuckin' things.
- Julian: [talking to camera] In sixth grade Bubbles made this puppet he called Conky.
- Ricky: What a little asshole.
- Julian: Bubbles took it everywhere with him. It was kinda like his confidant.
- Ricky: His what?
- Julian: Never mind. Anyway, we had to take the doll away because he, you know, fucked Bubbles' mind up.
- Ricky: Yeah, it was like, even though Bubbles was Bubbles, he was two people at the same time as bein' Bubbles. He was tryin' to be this other person that wasn't Bubbles, but he was still Bubbles. It was, it was fucked.
- [Phil Collins keeps burping all over everyone]
- Bubbles: There's onion ring fragments on me, get 'em off!
- [while delivering his speech drunk, to become trailer park supervisor]
- Mr. Lahey: Who is this park, or even in the whole world, doesn't have problems? Who doesn't have a drink too many times once in a while and maybe even winds up passed out in their own driveway, pissing themselves? Who doesn't drink too much sometimes or who doesn't have a puff from time to time? And who doesn't have problems with the people they love? This is our home. This is our community. I am Jim Lahey, and *I am your trailer park supervisor!*
- J-Roc: Can't we talk? You're acting awful hard Randy.
- Randy: Well sometimes life is hard, J-Roc.
- J-Roc: Randy, sometimes, you're fat. You don't hear me talk about that, do you?
- [Pointing to baby-mamas]
- J-Roc: Look down dawg, nawmsayin'? Ya understand? Seems to me, like you should be able to understand and be sympathetic to what it's like to be pregnant, dawg.
- Randy: What are you talking about, J-Roc?
- J-Roc: Oh what, you a'int pregnant with a bucket of chicken?
- [Addressing unborn child]
- J-Roc: Hey, lemme tell you somethin' little mafucker. When you grow up, don't grow up to be like that mafucker right there!
- [Pointing to Randy]
- J-Roc: Randy, you a'int even had your ultrasound yet, have you dawg? I could do you right now.
- [Uses bling like a stethoscope]
- J-Roc: I hear chicken. I hear cola fizz, and mustard and relish coagulating together with french fries and onion rings, but you know what? I don't hear a heart, motherfucker. C'mon ladies, let's pack this shit up. That's whack, Randy. Go on with your wallet. AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU, HAIRY BITCH!
- Jacob Collins: Come on dad, give us a bam.
- Phil Collins: Sorry son, I can't give you a bam. But I can give you a... a green eggs and HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMM!
- Ricky: What, do you own space? No, NASA does.
- [pronounces it "Nay-Saw"]
- Satellite Employee: Naysaw?
- Ricky: Rocket people? Perhaps you've heard of them?
- Satellite Employee: It's NASA!
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