- Judy: Don't you think there's a little double-standard there?
- Bill: Not at all. I have one standard for Brian and another different standard for Lauren. That way, they each get their own.
- Judy: I was gonna say that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, but I wanna wait to hear what you have to say next.
- Bill: Judy, who would want to go to a Mother's Day high tea?
- Brian Miller: Wow, did someone say high tea? Can I go?
- Judy: No, Brian, it's a mother-daughter tradition in my family. And Lauren is going for the first time!
- Brian Miller: That's not fair. I'd appreciate a high tea more than her.
- Bill: Pick a team, son. Pick a team.
- Brian Miller: [Bill and Judy come to Brian's school] Oh no, it IS you two!
- Judy: What do you mean, "it is us"?
- Brian Miller: Everyone's saying that a hooker and her parole officer are walking around looking for me. I was hoping...
- Bill: Hear that, Judy? I'm married to a hooker!
- Bill: I'll have you know I graduated second out of my class... among the three of us that had to finish up over the summer.
- Judy: Come on in, kids, Dad took care of dinner!
- Tina Miller: Yay, pizza!
- Judy: No, he made a meal.
- Tina Miller: Yay, frozen pizza!
- Bill: So, son, why didn't you join the football team?
- Brian Miller: Well, it was getting in the way of my debate-team practices.
- Bill: You never told me you were on the debate team!
- Brian Miller: Yes, I did.
- Bill: No, you didn't.
- Brian Miller: Yes, I did
- Bill: Damn, you're good.
- Judy: Lauren, do you have any idea what your brother's been doing with all his money?
- Lauren Miller: Apparently, not hiding it as well as I hide mine.
- Bill: You have money?
- Lauren Miller: No.
- Bill: This family supports each other.
- Lauren Miller: Since when?
- Judy: OK, it's something new we're trying.
- Brian Miller: This is Chris. He's our new neighbor, and he's also in some of my AP classes, so I'm just showing him the ropes.
- Lauren Miller: [to Chris] Did he show you the one in gym he can't climb?
- Bill: There's a kite club?
- Brian Miller: Yeah, I'm vice-president.
- Bill: So, if the president can't fulfill his duties, *you* get beat up by the football team.
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