- Michael Jackson: [reading out loud] One of the main reasons for seeing ghosts is because you are not keeping yourself busy enough. Your imagination is allowed to run wild.
- Oscar The Grouch: Uh, hey fella! What's that book you're reading there? Huh?
- Michael Jackson: "Everything You Wanted To Know About Ghosts But Were Afraid To Ask". It's really trash.
- Oscar The Grouch: Oh, well, I happen to like trash. I'll tell you what. I'll give you this brand new broken portable TV for it, huh? What do you say?
- Michael Jackson: Nevermind. You can have it for gratis.
- Oscar The Grouch: Yeah, but can I have it for free, too?
- Michael Jackson: That too. Merry Christmas!
- Oscar The Grouch: Well, I won't go that far, but thanks, pal!
- Michael Jackson: See you later! Bye!
- Leslie Uggams: Yoo Hoo! Anybody home?
- Oscar the Grouch: Oh, it's you, huh? Back for seconds. Look, Leslie, I'm glad that someone else agrees with me about all this Christmas nonsense here.
- Leslie Uggams: I don't agree with you, Oscar.
- Oscar the Grouch: You don't? You mean, you're with them?
- Leslie Uggams: Yes, and you should be with them. You would find that Christmas is something very very special.
- Oscar the Grouch: Oh, you mean stop fighting it, huh?
- Leslie Uggams: Exactly.
- Oscar the Grouch: Hmmm, sort of go with the flow. You get my drift?
- Leslie Uggams: And the snow, and the mistletoe.
- Oscar the Grouch: Bleck!
- Leslie Uggams: Oh, Oscar, take it from me, you don't know what you're missing.
- [singing]
- Leslie Uggams: Country roads with tractor plows.
- Oscar the Grouch: [singing] Icy bales with shivering cows.
- Leslie Uggams: [singing] City sidewalks. Big Christmas rush.
- Oscar the Grouch: [singing] Ladies stocking slithered with slush.
- Leslie Uggams: [singing] Time for Santa on every street.
- Oscar the Grouch: [singing] Time when landlords turn down the heat.
- Leslie Uggams: [singing] Morning windows sparkled with frost.
- Oscar the Grouch: [singing] Flying snow tires and the high cost.
- Leslie Uggams: [singing] Happy houses festive and bright.
- Oscar the Grouch: [singing] Christmas trees that lean to the right.
- Leslie Uggams: [singing] Crackling yule logs orange and blue.
- Oscar the Grouch: [singing] Three kids all left home with the flu.
- Leslie Uggams: [singing] Christmas cards from old and dear friends.
- Oscar the Grouch: [singing] Christmas bills that give you the bends. Heh heh heh.
- Leslie Uggams: Bleck!
- Leslie Uggams: [off camera] Merry Christmas, everybody! This is Leslie Uggams. You're looking at Sesame Street, and yes, it's the Christmas season.
- Oscar the Grouch: [off camera] Hello, this is Oscar the Grouch speaking. I can't stand Christmas! I'm a 100% Grouch and proud of it.
- Leslie Uggams: [off camera] Oh, Oscar!
- Oscar the Grouch: [off camera] Anyway, I still have orders to say, "Welcome to 'A Special Sesame Street Christmas'". Wanna know what drives me bananas about the holiday season? It's all the unexpected company. For example, our star, Leslie Uggams.
- Leslie Uggams: [on camera] Oh, thank you, Oscar!
- Oscar the Grouch: [off camera] Guest stars Ethyl Merman...
- Ethel Merman: [on camera] Merry Christmas!
- Oscar the Grouch: [off camera] ... Anne Murray...
- Anne Murray: [on camera] Merry Christmas!
- Oscar the Grouch: [of camera] ... I mean, why do that have to bring all that Christmas cheerfulness to Sesame Street?
- Leslie Uggams: [on camera] Because it's fun, Oscar. We'll also celebrate the holidays with
- [off camera]
- Leslie Uggams: Imogene Coca...
- Imogene Coca: [on camera] Merry Christmas!
- Leslie Uggams: [off camera] ... Dick Smothers...
- Dick Smothers: [on camera] Merry Christmas!
- Leslie Uggams: [off camera] ... Michael Jackson. Straighten that garland, Michael! The one and only Mr. Henry Fonda. And in addition to all that company dropping by, there will be those Sesame Street Muppets and those regular old buddies of yours and mine! Big Bird, Bob, David, Mr. Hooper, and Maria!
- Oscar the Grouch: [on camera] Bah humbug!