Dave le Barbare (2004–2005)

Danny Cooksey: Dave the Barbarian, An Invading Warrior, An Ox, Dancing Boy, Gribby, Man, Numb Clerk, Some Kid, Super Cool Ghost, Vender, Warrior 2

Quotes 

• Storyteller, Twinkle the Marvel Horse : Storyteller: And so, the battle rages on and on, month after month, year after year...

  Dave : Uh, it's only been five minutes.

  Storyteller, Twinkle the Marvel Horse : Storyteller: I don't know why I try.

• [Dave is screaming and running around the world and comes across some polar bears fishing] 

  Dave : AHHHHHHHHH!

  Polar Bear 1 : What was that?

  Polar Bear 2 : If it ain't fish, I ain't interested, that's my motto.

• Storyteller, Twinkle the Marvel Horse : I'd like to try out for the part... of the Grim Reaper... who ushers screaming souls into the next life...

  Dave : There is no Grim Reaper in this play.

  Storyteller, Twinkle the Marvel Horse : I could improvise!

• [repeated line] 

  Dave : Beejabbers!

• Dave : Ready, Lula?

  Lula the Magic Sword : I refuse to come out like this.

  Dave : What's wrong?

  Lula the Magic Sword : Her *ladyship* thought I needed a more "civilized" look.

  [she comes out covered with...] 

  Dave : Are those roses?

  Lula the Magic Sword : Yes.

  Dave : Cause I'm ALLERGIC TO ROSES.

• Dave : Why should I help her?

  Fang : I think you already know the answer.

  Dave : Right. Because Candy's my sister, and family is very important.

  Fang : I was gonna say because if he didn't, I'd rip off his head and play volleyball with it, but I like his version better.

• Dave : But I don't wanna be a barbarian!

  Fang : You did when you were ten!

  Dave : Yes, but I thought it meant a librarian that also cuts hair.

• [performing a musical of his own making] 

  Dave : Alas, poor Danish. What is thy filling? Just ask the Danish prince. You're filled with...

  [singing] 

  Dave : Cheese and sugar / cheese and sugar / with the texture / of a booger...

• [fighting a dragon] 

  Dave : [to Lula]  Come on! Do one of those magic energy blast dealies.

  Lula the Magic Sword : What? And get a nasty letter from the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Dragons?

• Dave : Can you keep him busy? I've got a plan.

  Fang : You promise your plan isn't, "I bet I can get away while Fang keeps him busy"?

  Dave : Promise.

• Dave : [trying to hide Faffy from Strom the Slayer in a fish bowl]  You're going to have to give up this whole *breathing* thing.

• Dave : Go team!