Drawn Together (2004–2007)
Jess Harnell: Captain Hero, Bizarro Captain Hero
Photos
Quotes
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Captain Hero : I could stick and stir anyone of these broads, but I really wish we had one of those sexy black chicks
Foxxy Love : [Opens Door] Bling bling! Foxxy Love is in the house!
Captain Hero : Damn, I am good! I wish we had a twelve-year-old girl and a donkey!
[camera shifts from the door to Captain Hero several times; nothing happens]
Captain Hero : Damn.
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Captain Hero : Hey, pig! Great news!
Wooldoor Sockbat : Foxxy just bought us an insane amount of alcohol!
Captain Hero : Are you defecating into a cantalope?
Spanky Ham : [farts] Uh... this is awkward. I guess if I waited an hour, I coulda blamed it on the booze.
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Princess Clara : What is this thing in my mouth? / It's slippery and it's slimy / Travelling down my slender virgin pink esophagus. / Some black chick's tongue. / It's such a new sensation.
Foxxy Love : I got a mayonnaise mama on my lickin' hole / And we've only just begun...
Princess Clara : It's really quite thrilling...
Foxxy Love : It's right. Now you know...
Princess Clara : I can taste a filling...
Foxxy Love : And it's solid gold...
Princess Clara : I never dreamed I would be so willing / To let myself go.
Foxxy Love : Tell me about it! / I'm totally frenching a racist 'ho!
Princess Clara , Foxxy Love : This black chick's tongue
Princess Clara : What a wonderful feeling
Foxxy Love : Damn where'd this bitch get her earrings?
Princess Clara : I've never had so much fun
Princess Clara , Foxxy Love : As with this black chick's tongue.
Captain Hero : How cool is this? / We've only been here a day / And I already find myself in a 3-way!
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Princess Clara : [about her octopussoir] Oh, please, please don't tell anybody. I'm afraid that I must ask you guys to keep my secret with a pinky swear!
Foxxy Love : I pinky swear.
Toot Braunstein : [They look at Toot] FINE! I pinky swear.
[Clara's octopussoir also pinky swears]
Captain Hero : [knocks on door] Clara, Toot told us that you have a monster for a vagina and we want to have a meeting about it.
Princess Clara : How is that even possible?
[Foxxy and Clara stare at Toot]
Toot Braunstein : Oopsey-Tootsey! I couldn't help myself.
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Xandir : You used to care about me!
Captain Hero : What?
Xandir : You used to say I was pretty!
Captain Hero : No, I didn't!
Xandir : You used to dress up for me!
Captain Hero : Only that one time!
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Captain Hero : Here's to the tiniest ass you can tap without setting off an Amber Alert!
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Foxxy Love : [the housemates have to vote on whether or not to keep Foxxy] You know this vote is total crap. She was totally into it! You saw us tongue-bang it!
Captain Hero : Sorry Foxxy, but if I vote you out now, I'll be one step closer to the million dollars!
Foxxy Love : Million dollars? You know this ain't one of them kinda shows right? Ain't no prizes!
Captain Hero : [aside in the confessional] Ah, silly Foxxy. She'll never win the million dollars with *that* kind of attitude!
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Ling-Ling's Father : [looks around the confessional room] Huh? What is this place?
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Toot Braunstein : Blah, blah, blah! I'm Captain Hero and I can fly! And I...
Captain Hero : Do you mind, Fudgy? I'm on the phone!
Toot Braunstein : I don't care! I got to call my AA sponsor!
Captain Hero : [in a girlish voice] I said I'm on the phone!
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Captain Hero : [while playing spin the bottle with Spanky Ham and Wooldoor sockbat] Hey! If you're gonna be gay about this, you can't play!
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Captain Hero : I would've been more pissed at Spanky, but you know, I just won FIFTY DOLLARS!
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Captain Hero : Oho! We fell for the ol' neck-sprain, well-lit pie diversion.
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Captain Hero : Jerk-off assholes...
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Captain Hero : Don't make me kick your ass!
Wooldoor Sockbat : Don't make me suck your cock!
Captain Hero : Don't make me cuddle you like a baby!
Wooldoor Sockbat : Don't make me suck your cock!