- Randy: I should be on that show where you have to remember the names of things. What's it called again?
- [title sequence voiceover]
- Earl: You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things, and then wonders why his life sucks? Well... that was me. Every time something good happened to me, something bad was always waiting around the corner. Karma. That's when I realised I had to change. So, I made a list of everything bad I've ever done and, one by one I'm going to make up for all my mistakes. I'm just trying to be a better person. My name is Earl.
- Joy: [to Darnell] All right, fine. So we'll just wait 'til this place closes, and you can do me on the pinball machine like in that porno Jodie Foster did.
- Joy: Is his sister getting married? Is she? Cause if she didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid I swear to God, I will march down to that Club Chubby and wrap her neck around that pole!
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