Bernard and Doris (2006)

Ralph Fiennes: Bernard Lafferty

Photos 

Quotes 

• Doris Duke : Lafferty, your outfit. Well you look like a God damn undertaker. I mean, do you think you can lighten up a little bit.

  Bernard Lafferty : Of course. I could do that.

• Doris Duke : [singing]  I don't need a million dollars to make my dreams come true, / Baby, all I need is you. / I don't need a fortune teller to tell my troubles to,

  Doris Duke , Bernard Lafferty : [singing]  Baby, all I need is you.

• Doris Duke : I assume you have credentials. Elizabeth Taylor, Peggy Lee. What? Do you have a thing for entertainers, Mr. Rafferty?

  Bernard Lafferty : Lafferty. I beg your pardon, Miss Duke. It's Lafferty with an L.

  Doris Duke : It says you haven't worked for six months.

  Bernard Lafferty : I had a, a wee health problem.

  Doris Duke : Drugs or alcohol?

  Bernard Lafferty : Erm...

  Doris Duke : I assume it's under control.

  Bernard Lafferty : I assure you it's all in the past now.

  Doris Duke : Right.

• Bernard Lafferty : Good evening, Miss Duke. Ma'am.

  Doris Duke : Who the hell are you?

  Bernard Lafferty : I'm here about the job, dear. From the agency. These are my references.

  Doris Duke : Get me a sherry.

  Bernard Lafferty : Yes, ma'am.

• Doris Duke : What do you want from me? From me.

  Bernard Lafferty : Miss Duke?

  Doris Duke : What do you want? I mean, you don't fuck me, do you?

  Bernard Lafferty : No, I don't.

  Doris Duke : You don't steal from me. Do you steal from me?

  Bernard Lafferty : No, I don't.

  Doris Duke : Well then what do you want from me?

  Bernard Lafferty : I just want to take care of you.

• Doris Duke : How do you like living in my world so far, Bernard?

  Bernard Lafferty : I like it very much.

  Doris Duke : Who wouldn't?

• Doris Duke : [singing]  I'm right at the gates of heaven and I can pass right through.

  Doris Duke , Bernard Lafferty : [singing]  Baby, all I need is you.

  Bernard Lafferty : Brava!

• Patrolman : Who's your friend?

  Doris Duke : Oh, that's the Sultan of Brunei.

  Patrolman : Welcome to New Jersey.

  Bernard Lafferty : Thanks.

• Waldo Taft : I'm writing you a check for $200,000.

  Bernard Lafferty : $200,000?

  Waldo Taft : Mm-hm. That's right. On condition you go away and stay away.

  Bernard Lafferty : I don't understand.

  Waldo Taft : Miss Duke hired you to be her butler, not her drinking buddy.

  Bernard Lafferty : Did... did she ask you to pay me off? Because Miss Duke would not be very happy if I walked out on her. Loyalty is very important to her.

  Waldo Taft : I agree, loyalty is a valuable commodity. Let's make it $500,000.

  Bernard Lafferty : Do you think that's enough?

  Waldo Taft : Give you a little breathing space.

  Bernard Lafferty : [rejecting the check]  I am not that easy. Good evening, sir.

• Bernard Lafferty : Welcome home, Miss Duke.

  Doris Duke : Thank you, Lafferty. I am so glad to be back. Oh, my goodness, look at you. Look at your hair.

• Doris Duke : Look, your present. Voila. For you.

  Bernard Lafferty : What?

  Doris Duke : Here.

  Bernard Lafferty : That's for me?

  Doris Duke : That's for you. Try it on.

  Bernard Lafferty : No, it isn't.

  Doris Duke : Come on. Don't be simple. Put your arm in.

  Bernard Lafferty : It's a caftan, isn't it?

  Doris Duke : Yes, it is. An antique caftan. Oh, it's perfect. How brilliant am I? That's gorgeous. Perfect.

  Bernard Lafferty : Oh, thank you. It's just beautiful. It's hand embroided isn't it?

  Doris Duke : It certainly is.

  Bernard Lafferty : I can't believe it. It's the most beautiful present I ever had.

  Doris Duke : Uh-huh.

  Bernard Lafferty : It is. I feel like, I feel like Lawrence of Arabia.

• [last lines] 

  Bernard Lafferty : Good afternoon, gentleman. Let's get on with it, shall we?

• Doris Duke : I sometimes wear bed socks when I sleep. I've done so since I was a little girl, and if I should be wearing my bed socks when I fall of the twig, I would like you to please remove them from my feet before the coroner gets there. I don't want to look like a complete idiot.

  Bernard Lafferty : Yes, sure.

  Doris Duke : And no fancy speeches. No press. And I would like you to dress me in something casual. Life is a journey, after all, and I refuse to go into that box wearing an evening gown or something equally stupid.

  Bernard Lafferty : Yes, sure.

  Doris Duke : Make it a natural fiber, not man-made. Silk might be a good idea. I want to demonstrate my solidarity with nature.

  Bernard Lafferty : Of course.

  Doris Duke : I could come back as a tree, or a bird or a bug, or... who knows? Will you do that for me, Lafferty?

  Bernard Lafferty : Yes.

  Doris Duke : Promise?

  Bernard Lafferty : I promise.

  Doris Duke : I must have lost my mind to believe a fucker like you.