- Lane Iverson: You can't throw the baby out with the bathwater because then all you have is a wet, critically injured baby.
- Corey Taft: Question: Do I look like I have Indian blood?
- Pam Campanella: Not at a...
- Corey Taft: Question: Would it surprise you to learn that I am 1/8th Mighty Choctaw?
- Pam Campanella: It woul...
- Corey Taft: Question: Would it astound you to learn that here on the set, I am Corey Taft, but when I'm at home, I'm Jo-Jo?
- Chuck Porter: You know what they say about blind prostitutes?
- Chuck Porter: You have to hand it to them!
- Pam Campanella: What does a producer do?
- Whitney Taylor Brown: Well, as... as my assistant Lincoln can tell you, there's a lot of telephone calls and... you know, lots of getting out the wallet. And paying for sometimes ridiculous things, like... like snacks.
- Callie Webb: [during her "No Penis Intended" comedy routine after the nominations] Yes, I suppose I'll forgive him... in HELL! HA HA HA HA!
- [laughs maniacally]
- Whitney Taylor Brown: Someone's killed their children and made them into cookies, and I want to go see that.
- Martin Gibb: All I'm saying is, have it there, have it there, don't shove it down people's throat. I don't run around going, "I'm a gentile, look at my foreskin!" I don't shove it down your throat, because I don't care.
- Whitney Taylor Brown: What if we do a, uh, a different holiday around the table, Easter, and just focus on the rabbit?
- Whitney Taylor Brown: Sorry I'm on this thing. I..uh.. hurt my back. I fell over the side of an escalator.
- Corey Taft: Great! Whitney, I have to tell you that I have been a publicist for twenty years. Fifteen, and five strapped to the gurney. I have never experienced the hostility that this little picture, which I think is a charming show, is engendering in the ... in the community.