- Bertie Wooster: Were it not for the grape and the grain, weddings would be a thing of the past. Proposals but a dim memory. Without it, we'd babble.
- Bertie Wooster: The plan I've put forward seems to me to be icily logical. I fail to see why it should attract any "sirring".
- Bertie Wooster: Oh, my dear Tuppy, does one bandy a woman's name?
- Tuppy Glossop: Well, one does if one doesn't want one's ruddy head pulled off!
- Bertie Wooster: [after being told by Tuppy about Gussie's engagement to Angela] Tuppy, you could knock me down with an "F". There must be some mistake.
- Tuppy Glossop: There is! The snake, Fink Nottle's just made it!
- Jeeves: It is not always a simple matter to gauge the effect of alcohol on a subject previously unexposed to such stimulants. It can have distressing results in the case of parrots.
- Bertie Wooster: Parrots?
- Jeeves: I'm thinking of an incident when I was in the service of the late Lord Brancaster, who owned a parrot. One day it happened that the bird was lethargic, sir, and His Lordship offered it a portion of seedcake steeped in the '84 port.
- Bertie Wooster: Oh, good egg.
- Jeeves: The bird bit His Lordship on his thumb and sang part of a sea shanty. It then fell to the bottom of its cage and remained there for some considerable period of time with its legs in the air, unable to move.
- [first lines]
- [phone rings]
- [teapot whistles]
- [phone stops ringing]
- [door bell rings]
- Barmy Fotheringay Phipps: [from outside the door] I know you're in there, Bertie. I can hear you whistling.
- Bertie Wooster: [clears throat] Who is that?
- Barmy Fotheringay Phipps: Who's that?
- Bertie Wooster: It's Jeeves.
- [last lines]
- Jeeves: Although, forgive me for saying so, your methods are a little on the rough side. Well, sir, one cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs.
- Bertie Wooster: I say, an omelette. Erm... Do you think you could get me one?
- Jeeves: Certainly, sir.
- Bertie Wooster: Perhaps with a little half bot of something.
- Jeeves: Undoubtedly, sir.
- Bertie Wooster: Right ho, Jeeves.