Hilary Swank/Roger Ebert/Lee Ann Womack

Conan O'Brien: Let's talk about your past. In the seventies, you viewed... porn movies. You were, you reviewed, uh, pornography. And you would write, you would write in-depth reviews.

Roger Ebert: Okay.

Conan O'Brien: Well, did you, or didn't you?

Roger Ebert: I have been a film critic of the Chicago Sun-Times since 1967, and in the seventies, porn movies opened in real theaters.

Conan O'Brien: Right.

Roger Ebert: And they were advertised, and couples went to see them.

Conan O'Brien: Yes, yes.

Roger Ebert: There's a documentary out called "Inside Deep Throat", which is about that phenomenon.

Conan O'Brien: Yes, yes. This is nothing to be ashamed of. I don't know why you're getting so defensive.

Roger Ebert: Because it SOUNDS like I worked for Hustler or something.

Conan O'Brien: No no no no, this was legitimate, but what did you, here's my question. As a reviewer, what did you look for in porn? What, what...

Roger Ebert: Conan, if it's a porn movie, you don't have to look for it.

Conan O'Brien: Right, right. Well, okay.

Roger Ebert: It's kind of easy to see.

Conan O'Brien: Well, I'm curious. Are you looking at physical attributes, are you looking at story lines? Like, I did- "when he came and delivered the pizza, I didn't buy it. There didn't seem to be any- there was no need for a pizza, no pizza was ever ordered."

Roger Ebert: Somebody once said...

[audience laughter]

Conan O'Brien: These are all legitimate questions.

Roger Ebert: You're right on the right trail here. You're very close. You're a better film critic than you know. Somebody once said, "You know it's a bad porn movie if they spend too much time delivering pizza."

Conan O'Brien: Right. Right. Or there's too much...

Roger Ebert: Or getting in and out of doors...

Conan O'Brien: Yes, I hate porn that has a plot. Yeah, exactly.

Roger Ebert: Go through any doors, get into any cars, get any pizza.

Conan O'Brien: Right.

Roger Ebert: Take any telephone calls. Nothing.

Conan O'Brien: You like 'em to get it on, and get it on fast, is what you're saying.

Roger Ebert: Um...

[audience cheers]

Conan O'Brien: Is that fair? Is that fair?

Roger Ebert: I think I'll let you speak for yourself.

Conan O'Brien: Okay, all right. Did you use the thumbs up scale back then, or was there another?

Roger Ebert: [audience laughter] No, we were still using stars in those days.

[Roger smiles at the audience]

Roger Ebert: [to Conan] You should be ashamed of yourself, young man.

Conan O'Brien: You're never coming back, are you?

Roger Ebert: I don't think I'll ever leave. I'm having a great time.