Neil: [holding a letter] Guys, guys, guys. Guys, I think I've solved our money problem. I'm writing to my bank manager. See what you think, OK: "Dear Bank Manager."
Mike: Yeah?
Neil: Well, that's it. I'm quite pleased with it so far, though.
Mike: Oh, well, it's a strong opening, certainly.
Vyvyan: I don't like the "dear." Sounds a bit too much like "Will you go to bed with me?"
Mike: Well spoken, Vyvyan. Uh, what do you think instead?
Vyvyan: Uh, what about... "darling"?
[everyone concurs]
Neil: [writing] "Darling Bank Manager..."
Rick: No, no, no, no, no, not "Bank Manager," it's far too crawly bum-lick. Tell it like it is, put "Fascist Bullyboy"!
Neil: "Darling Fascist Bullyboy."
Mike: That's nice, yes, so far so good. So what do you want to say?
Neil: Well, basically, I want to ask him if I can have, like, an extension on my overdraft, but I know there must be a better way of putting it than that.
Mike: Well, what about, "Give me some more money"?
Vyvyan: "You bastard!"
Neil: Don't you think that's a bit strong?
Mike: Ah, Neil, people like that respect strength.
Neil: Yeah, you're right. Uh, "Darling Fascist Bullyboy, give me some more money, you bastard." Uh... "Love, Neil."
Vyvyan: Not "Love, Neil"! That sounds far too much like "Come and get it like a bitch-funky sex machine!"
Neil: Yeah, you're right. Uh... uh, what about "Yours sincerely"?
Rick: Oh, come off it, Neil. If you're going to be that sycophantic, why don't you go round there now and stick your tongue straight down the back of his trousers?
Neil: Oh, no, no, I know, I know, why not put "Boom shanka"? It means, "May the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your woman."
Mike: He'll never understand "Boom shanka". You'll have to write the whole thing out.
Neil: Right, OK, here we go. "Darling Fascist Bullyboy, Give me some more money, you bastard. May the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your woman, Neil."
Rick: Well, if that doesn't work, I don't know what will.
